Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!

[Klystron]

We once got to the airport and found our airline's staff logging check-ins by hand. Don't know if true or not, but the story we heard was that there had been a fire in their data center, and the backup data center was in the same building.

At least the safety record suggests that their pilots are a bit better at their jobs...

One of the first data centers I designed around 1995, the research labs were located on San Andreas fault lines. We used reflexive memory and multiple disk drives to duplicate the databases locally, and co-located to a secure commercial data center off major faults.

Mirrored the co-lo with a secure site on the East Coast. Low earthquake risk but high hurricane and storm risks. Oh yeah, the joke:

I built something similar for an online travel startup, carefully choosing a mirror site on Long Island, NY. Then a new CEO hired an "expert" Director who had once worked at Oracle. After I retired, they moved the mirror to Newark NJ where a cousin worked at a startup (dot com era). Last I heard they suffered two break ins with equipment theft, one fire with halon release on the replacement servers, then the Newark site folded.

So it goes, to quote Kurt Vonnegut.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm glad my brain and nervous system automates a bunch of the stuff the other organs do, though. Imagine having to remember to breathe all the time...

Technically we all have only three minutes left to live, but every breath we take resets the countdown.
- a meme I read

 

[Ibix]

Technically we all have only three minutes left to live, but every breath we take resets the countdown.
- a meme I read

See also Qi.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Read the licence before you use!

https://github.com/Gottox/sltar/commit/f43d20638774b1f77ef4fa606330126872ae549d

 

[Ibix]

Off the back of this thread: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/why-does-my-godot-object-only-spawn-once.1051566/

Have you tried waiting?
Are you sure if it spawned before?
Leave the computer and come back tomorrow. (Stays exactly where he is)

 

[Arjan82]

Read the licence before you use!

View attachment 324705

https://github.com/Gottox/sltar/commit/f43d20638774b1f77ef4fa606330126872ae549d

I've checked (i.e. asked chatGPT) and the next summer solstice with a full moon is in 2062, so we're good... for now...

(also, the previous was in 2016, which is 2 years after this document was dated, so I guess the Devil should still be satisfied )

 

[jack action]

Tooltip text: Real programmers set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want.​

 

[jack action]

 

[sbrothy]

I think fortune is a potential oldschool goldmine if you know what to search for:

sbrothy@PAULINE:~$ fortune -m CPU
(riddles)
%
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
%

Don't say nerd.

 

[sbrothy]

sbrothy@PAULINE:~$ fortune -m machine
(riddles)
%
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.

[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]
%

Maybe not programming related but it's still a kinda favorite of mine.

 

[TonyStewart]

Oh, I dunno. Anyone who says (seriously) "that's a dumb question" deserves to be mentioned in a jokes thread.

We are all dumb at some subject, and we are all Infidels to someone else's religion.
Yet we expect users to know how to do a simple search web lookup after kindergarten.

 

[strangerep]

Yet we expect users to know how to do a simple search web lookup after kindergarten.

Who is "we". I certainly don't expect that.

 

[jbriggs444]

Who is "we". I certainly don't expect that.

Hope springs eternal. And is eternally dashed.

 

[TonyStewart]

@TonyStewart said

We are all dumb at some subject, and we are all Infidels to someone else's religion.
Yet we expect users to know how to do a simple search web lookup after kindergarten.
​

I apologize if my previous (tongue in cheek) response came across as presumptuous. In today's age of easy access to information, we should encourage and teach people of all ages to be more self-directed and resourceful in seeking out information and knowledge.

The ability to ask the right questions and understand the assumptions underlying a problem is a crucial part of critical thinking and problem-solving.

In this sense, education should focus on developing these skills to know when to go into a Q&A forum and boldly ask a simple question or preferably state how the search led to confusion.
Most of all we need to teach tolerance of others who are willing to learn.

There are prompts that could be pre-empted to new users to check if they have attempted any homework and show it first after they have searched online.

Who is "we". I certainly don't expect that.

 

[BillTre]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 325823

Unless that is really a thing?

In which case case that would be a WHAT!?

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

My computer seems jumpy lately. I might need something to help it take the Edge off.