# Science Jokes P2

1. Dec 11, 2015

### Greg Bernhardt

Last edited: Apr 12, 2017
2. Dec 14, 2015

### dkotschessaa

Found in Colin Adam's "The Knot Book," but found and copied/pasted from mathoverflow. (I added hyperlinks for the concepts needed to get the joke).

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.
The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”
The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”
“How so?”
“They’re knot theorists.”
The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”
“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”
So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”
Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.
The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”
Mu! Mu!” says the cow.
At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.
Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

Last edited: Dec 14, 2015
3. Dec 23, 2015

### Thewindyfan

Did you hear this new craze of physicists posting videos of themselves calculating forces and radii and multiplying them together?
I think they call it... torqueing?

-okayi'llbegoingnow-

4. Dec 25, 2015

### Borg

5. Jan 13, 2016

### Fenris

I heard this from a friend before, and I thought it was pretty funny.
Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

6. Jan 15, 2016

### DennisN

http://41.media.tumblr.com/cab31a6bd9c9ca7389c1ef327c88944d/tumblr_n8scqwh7gU1to8om8o1_500.jpg [Broken]

Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2017
7. Jan 15, 2016

### Staff: Mentor

The shortest math joke: Be $ε < 0$.

8. Jan 15, 2016

### DennisN

What is the engineer's favorite area in a church?
The cross section.

9. Jan 15, 2016

### Staff: Mentor

The dog is absolutely right. Even me, never really connected to knot theory, have heard about the Jones polynomial.

10. Jan 16, 2016

### Jonathan Scott

Can you explain? I don't get it.

11. Jan 16, 2016

### Staff: Mentor

It's about conventions. As $n$ is an integer, $z$ a complex number, $p$ a prime, $i,j,k$ indices or $A_{ji}$ a transposed matrix so is $ε$ in calculus the byword of something arbitrary small, but positive. Uncounted definitions and proofs about convergence, differentiation or continuity start with an $ε > 0$.

12. Jan 16, 2016

### Jonathan Scott

OK, I know all that but it still doesn't make sense to me when preceded by the word "Be".
Perhaps it's a language problem; I might expect a proof to start with: "Let $ε > 0$" in which case "Let $ε < 0$" might be considered a joke.

13. Jan 16, 2016

### Staff: Mentor

Yeah, probably, sorry! I had 'let' first and wasn't sure for it sounds a little like 'let it be'. In German it's 'be' (conditional).

14. Jan 16, 2016

### Jonathan Scott

OK, that makes sense now, and Google finds that "Let epsilon be less than zero" or similar seems to be quite an old joke, probably predating Google (in that the oldest reference I could find appears to be from 1994).

15. Jan 16, 2016

### Staff: Mentor

There is another joke which became viral in the 90's with the internet getting more and more popular.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Usually it's been commentated as being 'real'. Actually the joke dates back to the 30's and whether it's real or not cannot be said anymore. Someone once replied to an anecdote I told him: "I doubt it's true. However, the point is: It could be true."

16. Jan 16, 2016

### Silicon Waffle

Now I realize why shortest jokes are always straight and it's true that nature can't produce or grow things that can stand too tall or stay too long without they being curved towards some direction.

17. Jan 16, 2016

### samalkhaiat

The student: I believe the brain requires quantum mechanical treatment. What do you think?
The professor: Certainly your brain does.

18. Jan 18, 2016

### DennisN

19. Jan 21, 2016

### gjonesy

High school science teacher ask a question: Students! What is an "elementary Particle?"

The smartest kid in class answers (fundamental subatomic particles),
Immediately the Jock in the back corner of the class room laughs hysterically, the teacher asked what's so funny, The Jock replies, elementary particles are stupid, they haven't made it to junior high yet!

20. Jan 24, 2016