Collection of Science Jokes P2

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Pepper Mint]

Oh I know this guy and love his movies. He looked great 10 years ago.

 

[DrGreg]

This isn't quite as daft as it sounds, if you replace "all his body functions" with "his heart". That's what a defibrillator does: the device that you see in medical dramas applying an electric shock across someone's chest to revive them. The shock doesn't restart a stopped heart, as is often implied by the drama; it stops a misfiring heart, and then the stopped heart automatically reboots.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

http://41.media.tumblr.com/73cf1af993e61e1d084d43a8c11d15af/tumblr_nunwnqFJUp1tpri36o1_500.jpg

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Found this in my wallet!

It says science :D

 

[rootone]

Found this in my wallet! ...

That would certainly herald a new era of economics.

 

[DrClaude]

This doesn't make sense for a Ph.D. The original joke was "Why God never got tenure."

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

Oh, look a science joke thread. I love a good science joke, but no one understands whenever I tell them :(

This joke is an exceptionally corny joke I read while studying math:

A: What is the integral of 1/cabin?
B: "Log cabin"
A: Nope--house boat. You for got the "C".

 

[mfb]

Found this in my wallet!

Did you also find a red pen?

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Did you also find a red pen?

ha ha ha

 

[collinsmark]

This joke is an exceptionally corny joke I read while studying math:

A: What is the integral of 1/cabin?
B: "Log cabin"
A: Nope--house boat. You for got the "C".

Don't forget your d \mathrm{cabin}.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

Haha, right

So what dwelling place would that represent?

 

[collinsmark]

Haha, right

So what dwelling place would that represent?

Right. "C" is pronounced "sea."

 

[Kevin McHugh]

Steven Hawking threw a party for time travelers. Nobody showed up, as he sent the invitations a year after.

 

[Zephyr007]

What's your favorite science pun/joke? Just 4 the lolz...

Source:http://www.inorganicventures.com/fun-chemists

So...

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

 

[tobyr65]

Knock Knock
Who's There
Doctor

 

[DennisN]

 

[davenn]

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/11129911_10205447778706453_7383839669111507964_n.jpg?oh=a9141a3577389b0bf8b89e1236e1ea65&oe=57DF9390

 

[davenn]

of course that is something you NEVER tell a woman, specially during an argument !

 

[Psinter]

Pun based:

Source

 

[davenn]

Pun based:

Source

hahaha good one

 

[Demystifier]

An economist, an engineer and a physicist are talking about women. The issue is what is better - to have a wife or to have a mistress?
- economist: It's better to have a mistress. It's cheaper and it leaves you more freedom.
- engineer: No, it's better to have a wife. It makes your life more stable.
- physicist: No, the best is to have both. You tell the mistress that you are with your wife, and tell the wife that you are with your mistress, so you have the whole day to be alone and do physics.

 

[EnumaElish]

Oh, look a science joke thread. I love a good science joke, but no one understands whenever I tell them :(

This joke is an exceptionally corny joke I read while studying math:

A: What is the integral of 1/cabin?
B: "Log cabin"
A: Nope--house boat. You for got the "C".

I didn't get this.

 

[EnumaElish]

I fell off the sofa laughing. Really.

 

[davenn]

a couple of chemistry related ones

Dave

 

[collinsmark]

A: What is the integral of 1/cabin?
B: "Log cabin"
A: Nope--house boat. You for got the "C".

I didn't get this.

\int \frac{d \mathrm{cabin}}{\mathrm{cabin}} = \log(\mathrm{cabin}) + C

It relies, in part, on the fact that when spoken in English, the letter "C" is pronounced the same as "sea."

 

[mathwonk]

i liked this, posted at mathoverflow (for topologists): apologies if you have heard it before.

Q: what do you get when you cross an elephant with a chicken?

A: The trivial elephant bundle on a chicken.please lavinia, surely you appreciate this joke.

 

[davenn]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Hornbein]

There is another joke which became viral in the 90's with the internet getting more and more popular.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Usually it's been commentated as being 'real'. Actually the joke dates back to the 30's and whether it's real or not cannot be said anymore. Someone once replied to an anecdote I told him: "I doubt it's true. However, the point is: It could be true."

There is a pro quality Youtube video of this. That's where I first heard it. (The lighthouse is Irish.)

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 101616

Mad magazine was preoccupied with that figure.

 

[DrClaude]

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=4130

 

[jim mcnamara]

I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na ...

 

[fresh_42]

I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na ...

On TV here they show a lot of manganese animations.

 

[down to earth]

I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na ...

Well, Oxygen Potassium, then...

 

[Pepper Mint]

Oxygen went on a date with Potassium. It was OK.
But I thought Oxygen was with Magnesium! OMG!
At first Oxygen asked out Nitrogen, but Nitrogen was all like "NO!"
So Oxygen had that double bond with the Hydrogen twins...
If I didn't know any better, I'd say someone was a HO, but Sodium Hypobromite always told me "NaBrO! Don't spread rumors!"

 

[mfb]

At first Oxygen asked out Nitrogen, but Nitrogen was all like "NO!"

So nitrogen accepted to bond with oxygen?

 

[fresh_42]

So nitrogen accepted to bond with oxygen?

Yes, but she has been cautious. She brought her sister as chaperone.

 

[Garlic]

 

[DennisN]

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=4130
View attachment 101806

Hilarious!

 

[DennisN]

 

[1oldman2]

I'm not even going to ask if that's Schrodinger's cat.

 

[fresh_42]

I'm not even going to ask if that's Schrodinger's cat.

You mean this cat finally solved the Quantum Relativity problem?

 

[fresh_42]

Q: What is the biggest fear of the sine function?
A: To get pulled over for an alcohol test.

 

[1oldman2]

You mean this cat finally solved the Quantum Relativity problem?

Now if it will only "let the cat out of the bag" there is probably a "Nobel" in it for him.

 

[DrGreg]

You mean this cat finally solved the Quantum Relativity problem?

We don't know. Some fool locked it in a box and lost the key.

 

[1oldman2]

We don't know. Some fool locked it in a box and lost the key.

I understand the cat is perfectly safe as long as no one observes it.