Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits

  • Thread starter wolram
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In summary, the conversation discusses the struggles of attending social events with messy or difficult food options, such as crackers with fancy toppings. Some tips are shared, such as eating before going to the event or using a blender to make a more manageable drink. The conversation also touches on language differences and dyslexia.
  • #1
wolram
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I have to ask, as i am so peed of, you are invited to a port out starboard home do, and what do they have for nosh, crackers, you know those tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits with all manner of squishy stuff spread on them, i am sure they hate me, as, as soon as i pick one up and try to eat it
i get a little in my north and south, and the rest in my lap, what nutter invented these explosive platforms for posh toppings, and how do you manage to keep your togs clean and your belly full ?
 
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  • #2
The trick is to put the whole lot in your north and south and to cup your hand under in case any crumbs go man overboard.

OR

Eat before you go out. Buffets suck.
 
  • #3
I make sure to eat befor I go. That way, I only half to suffer only one or two crackers. If it looks like people are haveing problems with it, I hold a little napkin or left hand under my chin to catch any run away sancks.
 
  • #4
Spread plenty of butter and soft cheese (perhaps palpate some nice blue Stilton into a viscous adhesive) onto the substrate, and add multiple crackers to form a laminated section. When dentine pressure causes a layer of cracker to fail, the malliable interstitial filler will allow the fragments to be held to the parent, and remain in one secure entity, much in the same way as an automotive windscreen would fail upon contact with a hard, rapidly moving projectile.
 
  • #5
I would ask to borrow their blender. Then pour a bunch of different cracker types into it as well as globs of various posh toppings. Blend it until it is thouroughly liquified, then drink the mixture from a sippy-cup. And just like that, no more mess!
 
  • #6
brewnog said:
Spread plenty of butter and soft cheese (perhaps palpate some nice blue Stilton into a viscous adhesive) onto the substrate, and add multiple crackers to form a laminated section. When dentine pressure causes a layer of cracker to fail, the malliable interstitial filler will allow the fragments to be held to the parent, and remain in one secure entity, much in the same way as an automotive windscreen would fail upon contact with a hard, rapidly moving projectile.
Brewey, I think you need to take breaks from work a bit more often. :uhh:

Crackers aren't so bad to deal with; what still gets me is when they put out little hors d'oeuvres that require a plate to carry them, then hand you a glass of wine, and have no tables or windowsills to lean against, so you somehow have to figure out how to hold the plate and wine glass in one hand so you have the other free to take a bite of food. I'm sure some evil caterer is sitting just out of view, cackling as they watch everyone try to juggle their food and drink.
 
  • #7
Yeah especially when people want a handshake! I just say, "no can do pal sorry."
 
  • #8
hypatia said:
I make sure to eat befor I go. That way, I only half to suffer only one or two crackers. If it looks like people are haveing problems with it, I hold a little napkin or left hand under my chin to catch any run away sancks.

I googled (sanks) it seems lots of people use the word instead of snacks,
no wonder i am all ways confused :smile:
 
  • #9
a port out starboard home do, and what do they have for nosh, crackers, you know those tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits with all manner of squishy stuff spread
I do say, that is bloody difficult to understand for an American.
 
  • #10
Mk said:
I do say, that is bloody difficult to understand for an American.

How do you think us britts cope ? there is about 10 ways to say the same
thing with different words :smile:
 
  • #11
wolram said:
I googled (sanks) it seems lots of people use the word instead of snacks,
no wonder i am all ways confused :smile:

Dyslexia rules! We will take over the world one sanck party at a time!
 

1. What are "Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits"?

"Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits" is a type of biscuit that is known for its brittle texture and lack of flavor. It is often made with minimal ingredients and is not meant to be a flavorful snack.

2. Why are they called "jacobs biscuits"?

The term "jacobs biscuits" is a brand name that originated in the United Kingdom. It is named after the company that first produced this type of biscuit in the 19th century, called W & R Jacob & Co.

3. Are "Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits" unhealthy?

While "Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits" may not be the most nutritious snack, they are not necessarily unhealthy. They are low in calories and fat, but may not provide much nutritional value due to their simple ingredients.

4. How are these biscuits made?

"Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits" are typically made with flour, sugar, and butter. These ingredients are mixed together to form a dough, which is then rolled out and cut into individual biscuits. They are then baked until they become crispy and brittle.

5. How can I make "Tasteless brittle jacobs biscuits" taste better?

Since these biscuits are meant to be simple and plain, there is not much that can be done to make them taste better. However, you can try adding some toppings or spreads, such as jam or peanut butter, to add some flavor to the biscuits.

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