News What are the implications of accepting a date as a favor?

[BobG]

Andy treats Betty to an expensive dinner and an incredibly popular movie and are among the last lucky few to get a ticket. Unfortunately, being among the last to get a ticket, plus the need to buy popcorn and drinks, mean there are only 4 seats available by time they actually get inside the theater. One seat is in the middle of a row near the rear. One is on the inside of the aisle about a third of the way back from the front. Two are in the first row, in the seats against the wall of the theater. Both of you hate sitting so close to the screen.

How do you handle the seating?

 

[BobG]

What crap! Another poll that fails to list any option that I would choose!

Being a passive-aggressive ditz (or whatever psychological personality disorder actually applies, since passive-aggressive is probably the wrong term), I would let Betty take the prime seat, while I took the lousiest seat next to the wall - just to emphasize how miserable my life had become just because of the sacrifices I made for her.

If all works out, maybe she'll feel so guilty that I'll actually get laid for once!

 

[fictionftw]

If it's a date, you guys aren't going to the movies to actually WATCH the movie! :] It's hard to get close to each other if you aren't sitting next to each other, so C - lousy seats for both.

Or D, get a refund on the tickets and exchange them for a different showing or a different movie, and hang around the theater talking until the next show starts.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Another option: sit in the aisle. I actually did this with a lady friend of mine.

 

[physics girl phd]

Andy should ask Betty to sit on his lap. Oh-la-la! (Probably best to do this in the decent "aisle seat" though, as it'd be a bit awkward with both squeezing through to get to the primo seat.)

Honestly, I'd be most logical to have Betty sit in the aisle seat and Andy sit in the aisle next to her...but I think our local theater sends an employee down the aisles routinely to check that the aisles are clear.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I think our local theater sends an employee down the aisles routinely to check that the aisles are clear.

Pfft.. they don't even have real light sabers.

 

[BobG]

Andy should ask Betty to sit on his lap. Oh-la-la! (Probably best to do this in the decent "aisle seat" though, as it'd be a bit awkward with both squeezing through to get to the primo seat.)

Honestly, I'd be most logical to have Betty sit in the aisle seat and Andy sit in the aisle next to her...but I think our local theater sends an employee down the aisles routinely to check that the aisles are clear.

Pfft.. they don't even have real light sabers.

If Betty sat in the aisle, she would only have to bat her eyes at the employees and they'd leave her alone. If Andy bats his eyes at them...

Therefore, it would be better for Andy to sit in the aisle seat while Betty sat on the floor of the theater. Besides, if they did make a big deal about it, she could sit on floor in front of Andy's seat and peak around the row in front.

And, considering how Andy forked out the money for the tickest and the dinner, how could Betty possibly use having to sit on the floor as a reason to never date Andy again?

If it doesn't seem like a good idea to reverse the seating arrangement and put the girl on the floor, then it probably wasn't that good an idea. (In other words, making the person that forked out the money for the tickets and dinner sit on the floor regardless of whether the male or female paid would be a valid criteria.)

 

[MotoH]

Betty would not want to sit on the floor because the theatre is run by 16 year old kids and never gets cleaned.

 

[fictionftw]

Therefore, it would be better for Andy to sit in the aisle seat while Betty sat on the floor of the theater. Besides, if they did make a big deal about it, she could sit on floor in front of Andy's seat and peak around the row in front.

Are you kidding?! Betty should not be anywhere NEAR the floor, what kinds of dates do you go on? If you are taking a girl out, you do not have her sit on the floor next to you while you take the only available chair.

Similarly, Andy should not sit on the floor next to Betty - that's awkward and weird, and is going to make her feel uncomfortable that she is putting him at a huge imposition.

If they can't sit together, and don't want to suck it up and take the 'bad' seats, then they should skip the movie and do something else. Period.

The only exception is if they are good friends (and not on a date) and they are really relaxed and want to sit on the floor in the aisle up at the back of the movie theater (I work at a movie theater, not only have I done it comfortably before, but the ushers would let you do it). If they are friends, and want to sit on the floor together then that's okay. It's slightly crazy - if you're paying THAT much money for food and tickets, then why wouldn't you want to enjoy the movie in the best way possible? - but it's allowed.

If Betty and Andy are on a date, however, then that's not okay. It makes Andy appear selfish; like all he cares about is seeing the movie comfortably, instead of spending time with Betty on their date.

And, considering how Andy forked out the money for the tickest and the dinner, how could Betty possibly use having to sit on the floor as a reason to never date Andy again?

...do you date much?

I think you are assuming that Andy did Betty a favor by paying for their date. Betty did Andy the favor by accepting his invitation to go out with him in the first place. Betty does not owe Andy anything. If a guy told me that he paid for dinner/movie and therefore I owe him 'X', I would be appalled. I know chivalry is dead, but there are still some rules in place here that are simply good manners.

 

[Evo]

If I were Betty, I'd ask someone if they wouldn't mind moving, offer them $5 to move if they hesitate. Date saved.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I think you are assuming that Andy did Betty a favor by paying for their date. Betty did Andy the favor by accepting his invitation to go out with him in the first place. Betty does not owe Andy anything. If a guy told me that he paid for dinner/movie and therefore I owe him 'X', I would be appalled. I know chivalry is dead, but there are still some rules in place here that are simply good manners.

Although Betty certainly doesn't owe Andy sex, what exactly is the nature of the "favor" she did him by accepting his invitation?

 

[fictionftw]

Although Betty certainly doesn't owe Andy sex, what exactly is the nature of the "favor" she did him by accepting his invitation?

Spending time with him. Perhaps 'favor' isn't the right word, but if Andy is extending an invitation to go out, then I think it's absurd that Andy feels like he's owed something.

For example, when I invited my English professor to a scholarship dinner the other week, I asked her to take time out of her life to spend time with me. By accepting my offer, she was being generous with her time. Even though the school paid for everybody's dinner, and even though my prof wasn't doing anything for that evening otherwise, she still did me the 'favor' by accepting.

At the end of the meal, I said "Thank you so much for coming!"; I did not say, "Well, you owe me something now because I just fed you."

And even though I technically did feed her, she still did me the "favor" by being generous with her time and accepting my invitation.

Am I making sense?

 

[BobG]

If it doesn't seem like a good idea to reverse the seating arrangement and put the girl on the floor, then it probably wasn't that good an idea. (In other words, making the person that forked out the money for the tickets and dinner sit on the floor regardless of whether the male or female paid would be a valid criteria.)

Are you kidding?! Betty should not be anywhere NEAR the floor, what kinds of dates do you go on? If you are taking a girl out, you do not have her sit on the floor next to you while you take the only available chair.

Similarly, Andy should not sit on the floor next to Betty - that's awkward and weird, and is going to make her feel uncomfortable that she is putting him at a huge imposition.

If they can't sit together, and don't want to suck it up and take the 'bad' seats, then they should skip the movie and do something else. Period.

The key is the reversal of roles. If it's unthinkable that Betty should sit on the floor, then how is Andy sitting on the floor a valid solution?

In other words, I agree with you. If you went to the movie together as a date, then I think sharing whatever good or bad came out of the situation should be a higher priority than getting a good seat.

And, I think the choice a person would make about the seats kind of reflects their attitude about relationships. Is the relationship about each person gaining as much as possible individually from the relationship or is it about sharing life experiences together?

I actually had this situation happen this weekend, except at least the bad seats were in the middle of the front row. The first words out my date's mouth was that she didn't want to sit in the front row and that we'd have to split up. She did change her mind in the next instant. Perhaps my shock was a little too evident in my expression?

(None the less, it was a good weekend. The movie in question was just one of a few we watched during an indie film festival. If you ever get the chance to see Taylor's Way, watch it. I really liked that movie. In other words, it was a serious movie watching enterprise, so her logic wasn't entirely invalid, but I think it was still definitely a reflection of values.)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Spending time with him. Perhaps 'favor' isn't the right word, but if Andy is extending an invitation to go out, then I think it's absurd that Andy feels like he's owed something.

For example, when I invited my English professor to a scholarship dinner the other week, I asked her to take time out of her life to spend time with me. By accepting my offer, she was being generous with her time. Even though the school paid for everybody's dinner, and even though my prof wasn't doing anything for that evening otherwise, she still did me the 'favor' by accepting.

At the end of the meal, I said "Thank you so much for coming!"; I did not say, "Well, you owe me something now because I just fed you."

And even though I technically did feed her, she still did me the "favor" by being generous with her time and accepting my invitation.

Am I making sense?

Not yet. I have stipulated that Betty doesn't owe Andy sex, but I still fail to see how Betty has done Andy a favor. The English teacher is not a good analogy: teachers are busy and you might well be imposing on their time, and, as authority figures, much higher in status than you. Acceptance of a date from a peer indicates you like them and want to spend time with them. If you see it as "doing them a favor" it can only mean the "favor" is that you're putting up with someone you don't really want to spend time with.