What Will Happen If I Live a Lonely Life?

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The discussion revolves around the feelings of loneliness and the desire for friendship, particularly among individuals interested in physics and science. The original poster expresses a lack of friends throughout their life, feeling disconnected from peers who prioritize social activities over academic interests. They reflect on their happiness with family and intellectual pursuits but question whether true friendship is essential for a fulfilling life. Responses encourage the poster to seek out like-minded individuals, suggesting that clubs or social groups related to their interests could help foster connections. The conversation touches on the challenges faced by those with Asperger's syndrome in social interactions, emphasizing the importance of finding common ground with others. Participants share personal experiences of loneliness and the value of friendship, urging the poster not to give up on building relationships, even in an online context. The overall sentiment highlights the significance of companionship and the potential for personal growth through social engagement.
  • #31
lisab said:
Perhaps he means Asperger's syndrome.
Ahhh.
 
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  • #32
Astronuc said:
I'm afraid to ask - but what is 'asparagus syndrome'?

Asperger's syndrome.
 
  • #33
SBC said:
Asperger's syndrome.

Well that does make it tougher for you, since reading social signals is more difficult for those with Asperger's. But perhaps there are ways to learn these skills. Does your school have a counselor who could give guidance on where to find help?

Also I wouldn't totally discount online friends.
 
  • #34
I hear the term aspergers and autism come up a lot on these forums... is it something that a lot of people with interest in science has?
 
  • #35
Sorry! said:
I hear the term aspergers and autism come up a lot on these forums... is it something that a lot of people with interest in science has?

science does not require emotions?
 
  • #36
I was in the same situation as the OP for a loooong time (and to some extent, to this day). Trust me, you don't know what you're missing. I'm still nearly friendless and very lonely, but having even one close friend is a huge improvement over my previous life of walking around the school at recess and watching other people having a good time.

Now, I don't know what it's like to go to parties or watch movies with friends on a regular basis, because I've gone to a total of 2 parties and 0 movies (with friends, that is). Once I tried being less shy, however, I realized that these social activities are probably much more fun than I thought. Give them a try!

BTW, why don't you like movies? Is it because nobody has invited you to watch one with them? If so, watch some yourself. You might find that many movies are much more interesting than science articles.
 
  • #37
lisab said:
Well that does make it tougher for you, since reading social signals is more difficult for those with Asperger's. But perhaps there are ways to learn these skills. Does your school have a counselor who could give guidance on where to find help?

Also I wouldn't totally discount online friends.

Almost all my Indian schools don't have any counselors ... School is business for the owners of the school .. they will never care.

if you want proof ask any Indian student.
 
  • #38
SBC said:
Almost all my Indian schools don't have any counselors ... School is business for the owners of the school .. they will never care.

if you want proof ask any Indian student.

Oh I believe you.

Ideasrule has a good suggestion, to reach out to people rather than expect them to come to you. Perhaps you can take a little time to watch a movie with them? You may not really enjoy it, but it would give something other than physics to discus with your classmates. This could be a step towards making a friend.
 
  • #39
ideasrule said:
I was in the same situation as the OP for a loooong time (and to some extent, to this day). Trust me, you don't know what you're missing. I'm still nearly friendless and very lonely, but having even one close friend is a huge improvement over my previous life of walking around the school at recess and watching other people having a good time.

Now, I don't know what it's like to go to parties or watch movies with friends on a regular basis, because I've gone to a total of 2 parties and 0 movies (with friends, that is). Once I tried being less shy, however, I realized that these social activities are probably much more fun than I thought. Give them a try!

BTW, why don't you like movies? Is it because nobody has invited you to watch one with them? If so, watch some yourself. You might find that many movies are much more interesting than science articles.


Science articles are more interesting than Movies...
spiderman I watched .. it's cool but I love science articles than that..
 
  • #40
lisab said:
Oh I believe you.

Ideasrule has a good suggestion, to reach out to people rather than expect them to come to you. Perhaps you can take a little time to watch a movie with them? You may not really enjoy it, but it would give something other than physics to discus with your classmates. This could be a step towards making a friend.

I have decided and dedicated my life for physics and math .

I will be celibate, if I will not get suitable girls (who I like)

I will be for physics and physics is m only friends

nature and science are my best freinds.

watching movies ??

I always think it would wast my time...
I think that " why should I think about movie stuff?"
 
  • #41
I spent quite some time without an friend but books. I also had crazy party times in my life. I value more the time I spent learning. At that time I did not question, it was a choice. Why did you start this thread SBC ?
 
  • #42
rootX said:
science does not require emotions?

I think the idea is that careers in technical, mathematical, and scientific disciplines are well-suited for people who focus obsessively on the complexities and minutiae of an area of interest. That seems to be a common trait in people with Asperger's. There also seems to be a preference for jobs that don't require a lot of social interaction. A programmer can often work reclusively, but social interaction would be unavoidable in a job like sales or PR.

There's a good (but a little dated) article from Wired Magazine that addresses this here:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aspergers_pr.html

except:
It's a familiar joke in the industry that many of the hardcore programmers in IT strongholds like Intel, Adobe, and Silicon Graphics - coming to work early, leaving late, sucking down Big Gulps in their cubicles while they code for hours - are residing somewhere in Asperger's domain. Kathryn Stewart, director of the Orion Academy, a high school for high-functioning kids in Moraga, California, calls Asperger's syndrome "the engineers' disorder." Bill Gates is regularly diagnosed in the press: His single-minded focus on technical minutiae, rocking motions, and flat tone of voice are all suggestive of an adult with some trace of the disorder. Dov's father told me that his friends in the Valley say many of their coworkers "could be diagnosed with ODD - they're odd." In Microserfs, novelist Douglas Coupland observes, "I think all tech people are slightly autistic."

Though no one has tried to convince the Valley's best and brightest to sign up for batteries of tests, the culture of the area has subtly evolved to meet the social needs of adults in high-functioning regions of the spectrum. In the geek warrens of engineering and R&D, social graces are beside the point. You can be as off-the-wall as you want to be, but if your code is bulletproof, no one's going to point out that you've been wearing the same shirt for two weeks. Autistic people have a hard time multitasking - particularly when one of the channels is face-to-face communication. Replacing the hubbub of the traditional office with a screen and an email address inserts a controllable interface between a programmer and the chaos of everyday life. Flattened workplace hierarchies are more comfortable for those who find it hard to read social cues. A WYSIWYG world, where respect and rewards are based strictly on merit, is an Asperger's dream.

Obviously, this kind of accommodation is not unique to the Valley. The halls of academe have long been a forgiving environment for absentminded professors. Temple Grandin - the inspiring and accomplished autistic woman profiled in Oliver Sacks' An Anthropologist on Mars - calls NASA the largest sheltered workshop in the world.

A recurring theme in case histories of autism, going all the way back to Kanner's and Asperger's original monographs, is an attraction to highly organized systems and complex machines. There's even a perennial cast of hackers: early adopters with a subversive streak. In 1944, Asperger wrote of a boy "chemist [who] uses all his money for experiments which often horrify his family and even steals to fund them." Another boy proved a mathematical error in Isaac Newton's calculations while he was still a freshman in college. A third escaped neighborhood bullies by taking lessons from an old watchmaker. And a fourth, wrote Asperger, "came to be preoccupied with fantastic inventions, such as spaceships and the like." Here he added, "one observes how remote from reality autistic interests really are" - a comment he qualified years later, when spaceships were no longer remote or fantastic, by joking that the inventors of spaceships might themselves be autistic.
 
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  • #43
humanino said:
I spent quite some time without an friend but books. I also had crazy party times in my life. I value more the time I spent learning. At that time I did not question, it was a choice. Why did you start this thread SBC ?
i thought I would get friends ..

but it's online ..
and NO nerd girl LOL
 
  • #44
SBC said:
i thought I would get friends ..

but it's online ..
and NO nerd girl LOL

My girl is getting her PhD in same field I got one a few years ago. Although it's hard to keep work outside home, at least we understand what each other do.

If you want friends, you must be open to the possibility that just as you can bring them, they can bring you to things you do not understand yet. Everybody's experience is invaluable.
 
  • #45
Math Is Hard said:
It's a familiar joke in the industry that many of the hardcore programmers in IT strongholds like Intel, Adobe, and Silicon Graphics - coming to work early, leaving late, sucking down Big Gulps in their cubicles while they code for hours - are residing somewhere in Asperger's domain. Kathryn Stewart, director of the Orion Academy, a high school for high-functioning kids in Moraga, California, calls Asperger's syndrome "the engineers' disorder." Bill Gates is regularly diagnosed in the press: His single-minded focus on technical minutiae, rocking motions, and flat tone of voice are all suggestive of an adult with some trace of the disorder. Dov's father told me that his friends in the Valley say many of their coworkers "could be diagnosed with ODD - they're odd." In Microserfs, novelist Douglas Coupland observes, "I think all tech people are slightly autistic."

Though no one has tried to convince the Valley's best and brightest to sign up for batteries of tests, the culture of the area has subtly evolved to meet the social needs of adults in high-functioning regions of the spectrum. In the geek warrens of engineering and R&D, social graces are beside the point. You can be as off-the-wall as you want to be, but if your code is bulletproof, no one's going to point out that you've been wearing the same shirt for two weeks. Autistic people have a hard time multitasking - particularly when one of the channels is face-to-face communication. Replacing the hubbub of the traditional office with a screen and an email address inserts a controllable interface between a programmer and the chaos of everyday life. Flattened workplace hierarchies are more comfortable for those who find it hard to read social cues. A WYSIWYG world, where respect and rewards are based strictly on merit, is an Asperger's dream.

That is so me who is working on Christmas too :blushing:

But, I have been forcing myself into many uncomfortable situations (tasks that involve getting resources from difficult people etc) and along with working for a big company.

My problem is that I can read the emotions very well but not instantly.

Other day I was telling a classmate who wants to go home for Christmas as early as possible so that he can spend time with his family that he is so lucky to have a family that he loves.
 
  • #46
Math Is Hard said:
I think the idea is that careers in technical, mathematical, and scientific disciplines are well-suited for people who focus obsessively on the complexities and minutiae of an area of interest. That seems to be a common trait in people with Asperger's. There also seems to be a preference for jobs that don't require a lot of social interaction. A programmer can often work reclusively, but social interaction would be unavoidable in a job like sales or PR.

There's a good (but a little dated) article from Wired Magazine that addresses this here:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aspergers_pr.html

except:

Well, that article certain shed some light on the topic :smile: It was pretty enlightening too, thanks MIH
 
  • #47
Sorry! said:
I hear the term aspergers and autism come up a lot on these forums... is it something that a lot of people with interest in science has?
It appears that some very successful mathematicians and scientists probably has Asperger's syndrome or were high functioning autisitic. Paul Dirac very likely had Aspergers. The thought is that Asperger's affects the way the brain processes and systematizes information, which is very helpful in mathematics and analysis or problem solving. Such ability apparently comes at the price of social awareness and the ability to enjoy trivialities like movies.

I've been diagnosed as having Aspergers, but over the years I've compensated. As a child, I had friends, but I also felt comfortable alone. In high school, I spent more time in libraries reading books on matters in physics. My interests in physics were not shared with any friends. On the other hand, I enjoyed play sports like football with friends.

I enjoy the company of friends, but I also enjoy being alone, and in fact I often prefer to be alone.
 
  • #48
Astronuc said:
It appears that some very successful mathematicians and scientists probably has Asperger's syndrome or were high functioning autisitic. Paul Dirac very likely had Aspergers. The thought is that Asperger's affects the way the brain processes and systematizes information, which is very helpful in mathematics and analysis or problem solving. Such ability apparently comes at the price of social awareness and the ability to enjoy trivialities like movies.

I've been diagnosed as having Aspergers, but over the years I've compensated. As a child, I had friends, but I also felt comfortable alone. In high school, I spent more time in libraries reading books on matters in physics. My interests in physics were not shared with any friends. On the other hand, I enjoyed play sports like football with friends.

I enjoy the company of friends, but I also enjoy being alone, and in fact I often prefer to be alone.
WOW you are just like me..
How did you get friends !??
 
  • #49
Polyname said:
What you guys say makes me miss a friend of mine. I hope to see him somewhere tomorrow
Good luck !
 
  • #50
BTW, why don't you like movies? Is it because nobody has invited you to watch one with them? If so, watch some yourself. You might find that many movies are much more interesting than science articles.[/QUOTE]




one movie i recommend is ultimate speed by william bertozzi :)

give it a try dude it speak for itself ha ha :wink:
 
  • #51
SBC said:
Almost all my Indian schools don't have any counselors ... School is business for the owners of the school .. they will never care.

if you want proof ask any Indian student.

Hello Kiran,

Studying in the Indian system myself I'd agree with you on most of your posts above about the Indian education system, but I disagree that none here share your interests. I assure you that there are others like you in this country, namely myself, and I know others who share these interests with me who certainly do enjoy talking about math over a cup of coffee and cake. Let me ask, since you seem to be so focussed, where are you studying? What subject? I am taking a guess based on your accent that you are from the South.
 
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  • #52
indian education system is on average between that students are too focused for IIT/JEE

not for pure science , in
india they give more importance to engg. and medical and that's bitter truth


all for $$$$$$$$
 
  • #53
SBC said:
WOW you are just like me..
How did you get friends !??
I just talked to people and listened. Many male friends were playmates, i.e., we'd play sports together. My closest friends had mutual interests in math and science. I also had girl friends during my years in elementary school, and those relationships were more or less light-hearted romances, or otherwise innocent affections.

My best friend in 1-3 grade was an academic competitor. He usually bested me in lessons, but then I bested him in sports.
 
  • #54
anirudh215 said:
Hello Kiran,

Studying in the Indian system myself I'd agree with you on most of your posts above about the Indian education system, but I disagree that none here share your interests. I assure you that there are others like you in this country, namely myself, and I know others who share these interests with me who certainly do enjoy talking about math over a cup of coffee and cake. Let me ask, since you seem to be so focussed, where are you studying? What subject? I am taking a guess based on your accent that you are from the South.
COme to my college and see for the proof..
most of the youth got ruined with stupid cricket and movies !
I am from AP. Hyderabad.
 
  • #55
obing said:
indian education system is on average between that students are too focused for IIT/JEE

not for pure science , in
india they give more importance to engg. and medical and that's bitter truth


all for $$$$$$$$
YUP I agree ..
AIEEE
IIT
all Engineering stuff !
NO value for B.SC people.
 
  • #56
Hello Kiran:
I have had friends in some point of my life but I always feel a hole in my heart because I do not feel they understand me as I would like.
At forty one, I have come to think that maybe life does not work in that way, maybe to be completely understood is not something about you should counting on.
But there are moments when someone understand you, partially, but he or she does and is marvelous.
It so marvelous that you can lose control of yourself and immerse in the pleasure, ruining some other parts of your life, that only in the aftermath you learn they are important.
To have the same interests is good for making friends but that is not enough. Friendship is a miracle and when happen, if happen, enjoy it because it could not be forever.
It is true that some cultures are not specially good for certain individuals. You can feel a big change in your vision of yourself only by moving to other country or even to other school or other circle.
You could have Asperger, but maybe you only have Kiran-syndrome, a unique combination of traits only yours, that make problems unique to you and no one, being a physics fan or not could come to understand.
However, it is a fact that for making friends you should do a little more open that you are in this moment, since it is impossible that someone in the world think and love exactly the same things as you. However, the extent in which you open is something that only you can decide.
Nothing is free in this life and if you want a friend you should pay. Not money, but something more valuable, maybe to allow yourself to think, maybe only one moment, that science could be not the coolest thing in the universe, so you can enter inside other mind.
If you do not want to do so, it is OK, but then you cannot expect that other one is willing to enter your mind.
It is your human right to proceed as you prefer but you need to keep in mind that you cannot have everything you want. You cannot eat the cake and have the cake at the same time: is like in physics, if energy is dissipated, is not stored.
 
  • #57
LydiaAC said:
Hello Kiran:
I have had friends in some point of my life but I always feel a hole in my heart because I do not feel they understand me as I would like.
At forty one, I have come to think that maybe life does not work in that way, maybe to be completely understood is not something about you should counting on.
But there are moments when someone understand you, partially, but he or she does and is marvelous.
It so marvelous that you can lose control of yourself and immerse in the pleasure, ruining some other parts of your life, that only in the aftermath you learn they are important.
To have the same interests is good for making friends but that is not enough. Friendship is a miracle and when happen, if happen, enjoy it because it could not be forever.
It is true that some cultures are not specially good for certain individuals. You can feel a big change in your vision of yourself only by moving to other country or even to other school or other circle.
You could have Asperger, but maybe you only have Kiran-syndrome, a unique combination of traits only yours, that make problems unique to you and no one, being a physics fan or not could come to understand.
However, it is a fact that for making friends you should do a little more open that you are in this moment, since it is impossible that someone in the world think and love exactly the same things as you. However, the extent in which you open is something that only you can decide.
Nothing is free in this life and if you want a friend you should pay. Not money, but something more valuable, maybe to allow yourself to think, maybe only one moment, that science could be not the coolest thing in the universe, so you can enter inside other mind.
If you do not want to do so, it is OK, but then you cannot expect that other one is willing to enter your mind.
It is your human right to proceed as you prefer but you need to keep in mind that you cannot have everything you want. You cannot eat the cake and have the cake at the same time: is like in physics, if energy is dissipated, is not stored.

What is kiran syndrome?
 
  • #58
Hello Kiran:
It is a metaphor, it is the fact that you are you.
Lydia
 
  • #59
LydiaAC said:
Hello Kiran:
It is a metaphor, it is the fact that you are you.
Lydia
I am sorry ..
you misunderstood me.

I am not the person that you are thinking about.
 
  • #60
I'm curious, SBC. Since you have Asperger's, does this description sound familiar?

"I don't know how to read body language. When I speak to somebody, I don't know when to smile, how much to smile, where to look, or how to maintain eye contact. I don't know whether what I say interests people, offends them, or does anything else."

If so, how do you deal with it, and do you deal with it well?
 

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