When ceramic squirrels are outlawed

[Math Is Hard]

..only outlaws will have ceramic squirrels.
Just sayin'.

NORTH CHARLESTON, S.C. -- South Carolina authorities say a 44-year-old woman angry at a man for returning home without beer on Christmas beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel.

http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/bizarre&id=9376428

 

[zoobyshoe]

The right to bear squirrels, though. Not in the constitution.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Bear Squirrels? They must be a rather large species.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Not so much. The Blue Whale Squirrel, now that's a large squirrel.

 

[Borg]

The right to bear squirrels, though. Not in the constitution.

It's probably good that he didn't bring her any beer. She might have attacked him with it.

http://gamekrib.com/file/pic/photo/2011/04/Brewing_Master-bear-deer-beer.gif

 

[Enigman]

You people are unbearable.
But then I probably am even more so...

 

[Q_Goest]

I love that they had to stick in this part about it being Christmas and the stores were closed:

Deputies say the man said Williams was so angry when he returned without beer because stores were closed on Christmas Eve that she grabbed a ceramic squirrel, beat him in the head, then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest.

So I take it that it was WRONG of Williams to stab him because the stores were closed on Christmas Eve and he had no opportunity to buy beer.

Had the stores been open, it would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel since then the guy would have simply been a jerk for withholding the beer that he could have brought to Williams had he just been considerate enough.

 

[AlephZero]

It would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel

Langauge fail, so I googled for "squirrel sharpener".

That was a bad move ... http://www.john-crane.co.uk/pencil-sharpener---mouserabbitsquirrel/

But by a process of elimination, at least the squirrel sharpener is a red squirrel, not a grey rat with a tail. Either that, or it's trying to disguise itself as Hello Kitty.

 

[BobG]

I love that they had to stick in this part about it being Christmas and the stores were closed:

So I take it that it was WRONG of Williams to stab him because the stores were closed on Christmas Eve and he had no opportunity to buy beer.

Had the stores been open, it would have been ok to utilize the sharpened squirrel since then the guy would have simply been a jerk for withholding the beer that he could have brought to Williams had he just been considerate enough.

Just because the stores were closed doesn't make it wrong to stab him. He was probably really cheap and just procrastinated until he was sure the stores would be closed.

Stories like this make me happy I'm divorced. (Especially since it's pretty much a given that a person would have to drink a serious amount of beer to put up with being married to me.)