Why does my social life suck so much?

[rewebster]

Hey, just because I opened the sun roof that one time...

whooppss---I didn't think you were listening in!

 

[jim mcnamara]

I'm glad to see this thread still has legs, even if it seems to have walked off into a corner

This is like those threads back in the 90's - LET'S GET TO 10000 POSTS! YAY!
bump. :ugh:

 

[Astronuc]

Staying on the topic but turning the question upside down. Do woman like men that are anti social (i.e. men with no social life)? If so what type of women? How often are they around?

Along the lines of what rewebster mentioned, having "no social life" is more asocial than anti-social.

Anti-social means "averse to the society of others : unsociable".

Asocial, which unfortunately is used interchangably with anti-social, pertains more of chosing not to engage in the society of others.


Like Evo, I prefer quiet evenings. I get home from work, cook dinner, and do PF, work on projects, read, do housework, etc. I socialize somewhat at work, at conferences, and go out with friends periodically, and certainly socialize through PF.

 

[proton]

You're just asking her to join a study group. It's not a marriage proposal! Ask her and a couple of others to join you. C'mon, loosen up! Make it fun!

too bad i never get the chance to talk to her! she always comes to class late! i admit last class, i missed an opportunity to talk to her as she sat near (but not directly next) to me.
but today, some guy had to take the middle seat, so she sat the far end and i at the other, so hard to get a chance to talk to her!as for the volunteer groups I've tried joining, I've felt really awkward/uncomfortable as everyone seems to know everyone already and are much more outgoing/have a life than me. i guess i just have to be patient?

it seems that I've met the people i have the best chance of getting along with - the ones who don't know many people or have similar interests/personality as me, are always in clubs that are DEAD, so people stop showing up

 

[Cyrus]

Its not that hard. You walk in and say: "Hi, everybody!" and the say..."Hiiiiiiiii Dr. Nick!"

Dont walk in like some werido quiet as a mouse.

 

[Astronuc]

too bad i never get the chance to talk to her! she always comes to class late! i admit last class, i missed an opportunity to talk to her as she sat near (but not directly next) to me.
but today, some guy had to take the middle seat, so she sat the far end and i at the other, so hard to get a chance to talk to her!

Catch her on the way out. Depending on the time, ask her out to lunch or dinner.

 

[proton]

Catch her on the way out. Depending on the time, ask her out to lunch or dinner.

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

 

[SticksandStones]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

Ask her if she wishes to meet you for lunch at a time that is convenient for both of you?

 

[Cyrus]

I would not ask her to lunch until you have a few conversations with her first. Otherwise, that's rather blunt, needy, and awkward.

 

[rewebster]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

coffee

--its usually a 'not too' non-personal first step

 

[Werg22]

I know I'm a late comer to the thread, but here's my take:

As others have pointed out, nice clothes and a neat haircut will help you, but there's a bit more. You've been told to look confident but I'm going to put another way: try not look shy. It's a dog eats dog world out there, and if you act shy, you give the impression that you have low self-esteem and those around you will not hesitate to use this to their advantage and eat out of your own plate (you may not be feeling the effect of it now, but wait until you get older and enter the workplace). Simply put, the secret to a good social life is to be able to take initiatives without caring too much about the consequences. Don't be too self-conscious, and take an initiative one of these days. The first is the hardest, but it really is like the first visit to the dentist; it goes (usually) way better than you had anticipated. If you get a bad experience, shrug it off and restart somewhere else. No one is going to put you in jail for it - and anyway, what do you have to lose?

 

[Astronuc]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

Ask if she's not busy tomorrow night, or tomorrow morning, ask her if she has no plans for the evening, then the two of you could go out to dinner and/or movie, or do it on Saturday. Bottom line is, just ask her out.

 

[Cyrus]

Ask if she's not busy tomorrow night, or tomorrow morning, ask her if she has no plans for the evening, then the two of you could go out to dinner and/or movie, or do it on Saturday. Bottom line is, just ask her out.

Again, this is really blunt to say to someone you don't know. Its more likely to fail than to work. If he talks to her a few times casually, asks her to lunch, and then to a movie its not so bad.

I see this happening: "Hi, want to see a movie friday!?" "Whats that, you dont!?" "Bye?!"

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

If I walked up to you on the street and said "Hi, I saw you walking. Want to get lunch?" You would more likely than not tell me "Im busy, I am going to work, Get lost, F off buddy!" or the like. No one likes strange people doing these kinds of things, why would she? She hasnt even shown any signs of interest in him at this point.

 

[Werg22]

Cyrus is right. He can't just ask her out without having talked to her before, it screams for a "Get lost".

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

Yep, good point. Striking a conversation a little before lunch is a great way to make it look natural.

 

[Astronuc]

Again, this is really blunt to say to someone you don't know. Its more likely to fail than to work. If he talks to her a few times casually, asks her to lunch, and then to a movie its not so bad.

I see this happening: "Hi, want to see a movie friday!?" "Whats that, you dont!?" "Bye?!"

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

If I walked up to you on the street and said "Hi, I saw you walking. Want to get lunch?" You would more likely than not tell me "Im busy, I am going to work, Get lost, F off buddy!" or the like. No one likes strange people doing these kinds of things, why would she? She hasnt even shown any signs of interest in him at this point.

Well, it's worked for me. Actually, in college, I had girls call me up out of the blue and ask me out.

Besides, proton and she are in the same class, so they're not total strangers, and he not some stranger approaching on the street.

 

[Cyrus]

At least strangers in the street go away if you say no. She'll have to see him every day in class and think to herself, "I hope that guy doesn't bother me again".

Theres just no reason to be that blunt, obvious and desperate.

Asking direction questions are not good, because you get direct answers: i.e "No"

 

[pivoxa15]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

How many times have you talked to her? How much do you know about her and vice versa?

 

[billiards]

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

The danger with this approach is you get into the "we're just friends" territory. Although to be fair, from the sounds of things, this guy could do with being "just friends", especially with a girl, it might give him some insight into how a girl likes/expects to be treated.

 

[proton]

The danger with this approach is you get into the "we're just friends" territory. Although to be fair, from the sounds of things, this guy could do with being "just friends", especially with a girl, it might give him some insight into how a girl likes/expects to be treated.

thats probably my biggest fear with girls...if i try to get to know them better, they'll eventually find out that I've had NO experience with girls...so pathetic

 

[Huckleberry]

All the more reason to do something about it. If she says no then you haven't lost anything. If she says yes then you will gain some experience. If you never ask then you will only continue to feel pathetic. This has more to do with your own fears than it does with any girl.

billiards idea about having some female friends is a good idea.

 

[Cyrus]

I third having female friends first. In fact, I strongly recommend this.

 

[proton]

Simply put, the secret to a good social life is to be able to take initiatives without caring too much about the consequences.
do you have to lose?

well, i don't want people to think I'm some desperate loser

 

[Cyrus]

People will think whatever you project to them of yourself. Be it conscious, or subconscious. You can say, "Im going to walk in there like John Wayne". Well, if in the back of your mind your shaking in your undies, its going to be OBVIOUS that your NOT John Wayne and doing a horrible job acting the part. Its going to take time until you REALLY do think your John Wayne.

 

[Huckleberry]

I see it differently. I see proton pretending to be something he is not right now, and if he cared less about what negative reactions people might have towards him he might discover who he really is. At this moment he is letting other people's impressions guide his actions. In an effort to be well-liked by all there is some part of his self respect that suffers.

It's not all bad. I think this view shows a tendency towards a peaceful, contemplative nature. It is good to be aware and compassionate of your actions and how they affect others. But it is also important to take care of oneself. Act in the manner that you believe to be appropriate, and avoid lowering one's measure of self to appease others. Be open to criticism and critical examination of one's principles, but live life to one's own expectations, not one's self-imposed, perceived expectations of society. Basically, don't allow the fear of failure to prevent you from action, or you will never succeed.

 

[pivoxa15]

well, i don't want people to think I'm some desperate loser

Here are my tips:

1. I find that I can talk to girls best when I treat and act towards them as if they were male. Hence just treat them as an ordinary friend first.

2. If you can't find a good opportunity to talk to her that dosen't appear as if you are desparate (i.e can't find a genuine non direct way) then just talk to her directly about what's on your mind. I actually think she will appreciate it - especially when she does science and maths as well?

If only I had the discipline to follow my own advice. Hopefully I will soon.

 

[Napolean308]

Im kinda in the same boat as proton here, except I got one more problem. I am 5 foot five. I can't seem to find any decent clothes at the major retailers. Any short guys here with advice?

 

[gravenewworld]

Easiest way to pick up girls...LEARN HOW TO DANCE. It doesn't matter if you are fat, short, a terrible dresser, or a nerd, if you can dance well girls love it. One of my buddies is a really good dancer, every time we go out he must dance with a dozen or more girls in one night and they all come up to him; he literally doesn't have to do anything except dance. You'd be surprised how good you could be at dancing if you just simply stopped caring what other people think about how you move. Dancing is a powerful aphrodisiac for women. A guy that can move definitely grabs attention.

 

[rewebster]

Dressing up may help--and maybe not---

Some women are like some men--your hair color has to be the 'right' one, you have to be the 'right' body shape, you have to etc., etc. Others can be interested in you as a person. So, even if you get turned down, it may not be YOU---she (or he) may have different 'requirements' ---so try not to fret it too much if it doesn't work on one particular person. That person may have an 'interest' in someone else for that week, and may be available next week--or any of a thousand other reason that day--tomorrow may be different. And as you go along, your tastes will develop too.

 

[Cyrus]

Easiest way to pick up girls...LEARN HOW TO DANCE. It doesn't matter if you are fat, short, a terrible dresser, or a nerd, if you can dance well girls love it. One of my buddies is a really good dancer, every time we go out he must dance with a dozen or more girls in one night and they all come up to him; he literally doesn't have to do anything except dance. You'd be surprised how good you could be at dancing if you just simply stopped caring what other people think about how you move. Dancing is a powerful aphrodisiac for women. A guy that can move definitely grabs attention.

Knowing how to dance is good. But thinking this will get you women is flat out wrong. It does matter if you are fat, short, a terrible dresser, or a nerd.

Just last night I was at a very nice club. Three guys went up to a group of three girls dancing to my left. They were full of energy, 'come on' grabbing their hands trying to get them to dance. Those women just told them to f' off. They got hard core rejected.

 

[Moonbear]

Yeah, dancing can make you MORE attractive, but it won't make you attractive all by itself. I've had good dancers, but clueless, dull, obnoxious guys, latch onto me on a dance floor. They might be good at dancing, but it's all I can do to get away from them. I've even had to resort to asking another guy (one who was out with another of my friends) to just pretend to be a jealous boyfriend for a few minutes to chase off one who was horribly persistant.

WATCH the woman you're talking to/hitting on. If she's looking all around the room and not at you, get the hint and go away. Find someone else to talk to, she's not interested.