Why does my social life suck so much?

[chroot]

Yeah, and I usually wear undershirts for normal dress shirts at work, but I usually do not when I'm wearing something fancy to go out in. There's also the fact that bars and clubs here are smoke-free, and I'm usually only wearing the shirt for a few hours a night. It seems a little silly to subject them to washing after only a few hours of wear.

On the other hand, I have a relatively weak sense of smell, and I probably would not be able to detect my own odor. Everyone who's ever commented on my hygeine has said that I'm more meticulous about showering and keeping my mouth clean than most people, but I've never considered that my shirts might smell without my even knowing it... Thanks lisab, you've just given me a complex!

- Warren

 

[Math Is Hard]

I was awaken by a phone call from school asking me to come into fill out some forms to get paid to attend school. Isnt that a nice way to start your day.

You joined the military?

 

[billiards]

It seems sad that people here honestly believe that wearing the right clothes corresponds to social success. How superficial is that? Perhaps it's true what they say about Americans: "Scratch the surface and what do you find? More surface."

Fair enough, invest in some new clothes to make yourself feel better, to fit in, to enjoy the experience of simply going shopping; but don't for a minute think this will make you an instant hit amongst your peers. The most important thing is to make an effort ---approach people, follow them up on their offer to go to lunch, or if the offer isn't there, initiate it yourself! Get their numbers, call them, meet up outside of school.

Whatever you do don't get caught in the vicious circle whereby you consider yourself "not good enough" for friends because you haven't got any; perhaps you think you have nothing to say to people, or that what you do say isn't cool enough. Don't think like that, often the hardest part is learning to trust people and you must also accept that they have to learn to trust you, only then can a friendship blossom -- this can take time at first and for some people it takes more time than others (if you think you are not good enough, and don't allow yourself to interact with people, this time could be forever), in England we call this "breaking the ice". It's worth hacking away at the ice, oftentimes you will find a shallow pond, or just more ice the more you hack, but just occasionally you will find a majestic ocean, even if you only find one such ocean it makes the search worthwhile. So hack away.

 

[Evo]

It seems sad that people here honestly believe that wearing the right clothes corresponds to social success. How superficial is that? Perhaps it's true what they say about Americans: "Scratch the surface and what do you find? More surface."

I know women so shallow that they won't talk to men if they don't like the men's shoes.

I was also reading an article about why people don't get hired and one HR person at a large company said that she won't hire anyone that doesn't wear designer shoes.

Such is life.

 

[Cyrus]

It's worth hacking away at the ice, oftentimes you will find a shallow pond, or just more ice the more you hack, but just occasionally you will find a majestic ocean, even if you only find one such ocean it makes the search worthwhile. So hack away.

You read too many new age self help books.

It seems sad that people here honestly believe that wearing the right clothes corresponds to social success. How superficial is that? Perhaps it's true what they say about Americans: "Scratch the surface and what do you find? More surface."

Gimme a break. This is true in any culture in any country on the planet. People who are social go out and talk with people that are into things, like culture. Fashion is a part of that local culture and is unique to the group in terms of style. Fashion has been around for hundres of years, to deny its importance is ignorant.

Who wants to be around someone dressed like a bum?

 

[Moonbear]

Hmm...I will wear pants twice if I've managed to keep them clean, but shirts I always wash after one wear, even with deodorant, I just don't feel like the armpits are clean enough after wearing the shirt all day to wear it again. Maybe if for some reason I tossed it on for just an hour or two and then took it back off, I'd wear it again. Though, for guys who wear undershirts under a dress shirt, yeah, I can see wearing the dress shirt twice, but don't dress shirts usually need to be dry cleaned anyway?

 

[rewebster]

I know women so shallow that they won't talk to men if they don't like the men's shoes.


Such is life.

I walked up to a woman like 'that', said something, she gave me the once over turned around and started talking catty about some other woman. It makes you think for a minute or two, then passes. She may not have been there to meet anyone, and my impression was just-- what a snoootttie immature girl (not a woman).

It's hard sometimes at someplaces to find people to talk to that are open enough to say hello then a conversation---that may be where 'did you get lucky?' came from---were to lucky enough to find someone wanted to converse and more. That's why 'new' places to go can be fun.

---It seems the younger you are, the field is larger due to not having a niche yet.

 

[chroot]

don't dress shirts usually need to be dry cleaned anyway?

Nah, most don't. I usually wash mine on delicate and then air-dry them. And then iron them. And then starch them. And then hang them. And then realize how much time I could save if I just wore a hoodie instead.

- Warren

 

[Astronuc]

Though, for guys who wear undershirts under a dress shirt, yeah, I can see wearing the dress shirt twice, but don't dress shirts usually need to be dry cleaned anyway?

I wear undershirts under the dress shirts, and use a new shirt each day. Dress shirts are cotton, well the one's I have, and they are washed in normal laundry, tumble dry and place on a hanger.

Suits are usually dry cleaned, but I prefer pants that can be washed in a washing machine, e.g. Dockers. I don't pay a lot for my clothes, and I really don't want to.

http://www.dockersstore.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2271557&clickid=topnav_men_dropdown

 

[Moonbear]

Nah, most don't. I usually wash mine on delicate and then air-dry them. And then iron them. And then starch them. And then hang them. And then realize how much time I could save if I just wore a hoodie instead.

- Warren

Or how much time you could save taking them to a dry cleaner. Maybe that's why all the guys I know get their dress shirts dry cleaned...they don't want to be bothered with ironing AND starching.

 

[Cyrus]

I walked up to a woman like 'that', said something, she gave me the once over turned around and started talking catty about some other woman. It makes you think for a minute or two, then passes. She may not have been there to meet anyone, and my impression was just-- what a snoootttie immature girl (not a woman).

It's hard sometimes at someplaces to find people to talk to that are open enough to say hello then a conversation---that may be where 'did you get lucky?' came from---were to lucky enough to find someone wanted to converse and more. That's why 'new' places to go can be fun.

---It seems the younger you are, the field is larger due to not having a niche yet.

You said something that she was not impressed by.

 

[billiards]

Actually, I've never read a self-help book. I'm guilty of using a rather cheesy metaphor, so perhaps I deserved that slight dig!

The point is, you could be the best dressed person in the world, but if (a) you don't make the effort to get to know people and/or (b) you're an *******, then you aren't going to have any friends.

When I went to America I was actually shocked by the attitude that a lot of people had. I made friends with a girl who was obsessed with material things, she thought a guy was hot because of his car or because of the metro style clothes he wore. She took me shopping and I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes (taking advantage of the weak dollar and the fact that I was living on expenses), hoping to discover this fantastic new animal magnetism that I could just buy and put on. Alas, it didn't work for me; I bought into all the brands, from shoes to hats, even boxers, but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference. I still felt exactly the same inside, and was having as much luck with women as usual (i.e. none).

When I got back to England I went out in my regular clothes and *bang*, I met a girl, just like that. She even turned out to be a dress designer, but it wasn't my clothes that she was interested in. I'm not denying that fashion is important, but I think that other factors are far more important -- having the right attitude and personality will strike a much deeper chord with a person than simply looking the part. To over stress the importance of fashion is, in my view, to lose sight of why you want friends in the first place; to me you are sacrificing your integrity as a true friend if you focus more firmly on your appearance than you do on conveying your desirable personality traits.

 

[chroot]

When I got back to England I went out in my regular clothes and *bang*, I met a girl, just like that. She even turned out to be a dress designer, but it wasn't my clothes that she was interested in. I'm not denying that fashion is important, but I think that other factors are far more important -- having the right attitude and personality will strike a much deeper chord with a person than simply looking the part. To over stress the importance of fashion is, in my view, to lose sight of why you want friends in the first place; to me you are sacrificing your integrity as a true friend if you focus more firmly on your appearance than you do on conveying your desirable personality traits.

I agree entirely, which is why I began my involvement in this thread with suggestions like "join Habitat for Humanity" and "try the school's outdoor-activity program."

The truth is that I have never once (consciously) attempted to make friends with someone because of their clothing. I have definitely been attracted to women by their clothing, though it's a short-lived effect. After five or ten minutes of conversation, I don't really much care about her clothing anymore -- but that's what everyone is saying here. If you dress nicely, you might get more opportunities to have those five or ten minute chats during which real (non-superficial) interest can blossom.

- Warren

 

[Evo]

Or how much time you could save taking them to a dry cleaner. Maybe that's why all the guys I know get their dress shirts dry cleaned...they don't want to be bothered with ironing AND starching.

Actually, they should be getting them laundered, starched and pressed, not dry cleaned. The dry cleaners do that for shirts. I know, I had to drop off and pick up my ex's shirts for years.

 

[Cyrus]

Having clothes != having women.

I never said it was the be all end all. But walking around in a hoddie is not appealing. I agree most with your last sentence warren.

 

[waht]

I don't know anything about fashion. I have very nice clothes, and cheap clothes in my closet. I'm not sure what should fit what. I just wear what I'm comfortable in and project confidence that goes with it, so far I had positive experience.

 

[rewebster]

I agree entirely, which is why I began my involvement in this thread with suggestions like "join Habitat for Humanity" and "try the school's outdoor-activity program."

The truth is that I have never once (consciously) attempted to make friends with someone because of their clothing. I have definitely been attracted to women by their clothing, though it's a short-lived effect. After five or ten minutes of conversation, I don't really much care about her clothing anymore -- but that's what everyone is saying here. If you dress nicely, you might get more opportunities to have those five or ten minute chats during which real (non-superficial) interest can blossom.

- Warren

That reminded me of a party while at college. Groups rented houses next to college, and next door was a group of nicer looking women that invited us to a party. I wasn't in a great mood and after about two hours of standing around talking, I said I was leaving. One of my other house mates said aren't I (me) going to talk to that one girl in the house. I said, what?

Anyway, he told me that she had changed dresses five times and was walking, apparently around and near me. I really didn't even notice. I guess she thought 'clothes' would make a difference.---too bad, I guess I was in a different frame of mind.

I got the first impression the girls were all sorority girls.

 

[Moonbear]

Actually, they should be getting them laundered, starched and pressed, not dry cleaned. The dry cleaners do that for shirts. I know, I had to drop off and pick up my ex's shirts for years.

Heh, beats me, I don't wear men's dress shirts, so have no idea what magical process happens between the time he takes it off and the next time he wears it...as long as it doesn't look or smell like it sat rumpled up in the corner the whole time, that's all I care about how they wash their own clothes. I take stuff to the dry cleaner that says "Dry Clean Only" so just assumed that's why men take their shirts to a dry cleaner too.

 

[Cyrus]

That reminded me of a party while at college. Groups rented houses next to college, and next door was a group of nicer looking women that invited us to a party. I wasn't in a great mood and after about two hours of standing around talking, I said I was leaving. One of my other house mates said aren't I (me) going to talk to that one girl in the house. I said, what?

Anyway, he told me that she had changed dresses five times and was walking, apparently around and near me. I really didn't even notice. I guess she thought 'clothes' would make a difference.---too bad, I guess I was in a different frame of mind.

I got the first impression the girls were all sorority girls.

Her lack of social skills in combination with what she was wearing would have made a difference. And that's what were all saying.

No one said stand on the wall looking cool in new clothes.

 

[JasonRox]

Her lack of social skills in combination with what she was wearing would have made a difference. And that's what were all saying.

No one said stand on the wall looking cool in new clothes.

Huh?

If she was really doing what he described, she was making it dead obvious.

I would have followed her to room. How obvious can you get?

Seriously, guys suck at noticing women. No offense guys.

 

[Cyrus]

Putting on 5 different outfits means she has no social skills. She could have said hi to him. Or, if she's like most women, found another guy to talk to at the party.

Changing your clothes that many times is just silly and shows no personal skills.

 

[Moonbear]

Putting on 5 different outfits means she has no social skills. She could have said hi to him. Or, if she's like most women, found another guy to talk to at the party.

Changing your clothes that many times is just silly and shows no personal skills.

I agree. I might have mistaken such behavior (had I even noticed it) as either a severe case of indecision, or that she's very sloppy and kept spilling drinks on herself. Depending on how crowded the party was, if there were a lot of people around that you couldn't possibly keep track of everyone there or what they all look like, it's even possible you wouldn't realize it was even the same person if she kept putting on different outfits, "Where'd that woman in the green dress go?"

Pick one nice dress and walk up and talk to him.

Having nice clothes on helps make you more approachable, because it gives the message that you're social not reclusive, but it won't do all the work for you. If everyone stood around waiting for someone else to talk to them, nobody would meet anyone.

 

[rewebster]

My thoughts were that she wanted me to notice her. She was 'attractive' and I think she was used to having men pay attention to her--she probably had an 'interest' in me, but didn't want to be turned down, so I think that was her way to noticed. Women do think about it from a 'being chased' a lot, and I think that was her 'bait'.

 

[Cyrus]

What you described is called playing hard to get.

The story you told is called being desperate. She was desperate for your attention. That alone is a turn off. When a woman does all that just to get attention, it makes her look too needy. Adios. (Makes a salute).

Its as bad as the guy trying to pawn off drinks to women in bars.

 

[rewebster]

ahhhh-cyrus---everyone has different ways of expressing it---we can't all act or expect (or dress) the same way/things as you


I thought it was sweet in her way of trying to get attention in her own way

 

[JasonRox]

Putting on 5 different outfits means she has no social skills. She could have said hi to him. Or, if she's like most women, found another guy to talk to at the party.

Changing your clothes that many times is just silly and shows no personal skills.

So, I'd be in her room while you'd be comtemplating about her social skills.

 

[rewebster]

I think was the 'bad boy' to her--I had long hair down to my shoulders, I played guitar out on the front porch, we had wild parties (they didn't), and I did a lot of art including portraits that I was carrying in and out of the house all the time--whether or she had heard from one of my other roommates that I was finishing up my pre-med (zoology), who knows--sorority girls like pre-med guys.

I can only guess she may have been fantasizing, because we hadn't even been introduced before that.

 

[Astronuc]

Anyway, he told me that she had changed dresses five times and was walking, apparently around and near me. I really didn't even notice. I guess she thought 'clothes' would make a difference.---too bad, I guess I was in a different frame of mind.

That is kind of strange. I probably would have asked her, "What's with the fashion show?"

 

[Cyrus]

So, I'd be in her room while you'd be comtemplating about her social skills.

Good for you. I would have been talking to another girl that isn't so desperate in the meanwhile were I in his shoes.

P.s. I wouldn't recommend sleeping around unless you want to wake up one day and find that your penis fell off from some STD (This is especially true if you live in a big city).

 

[Cyrus]

ahhhh-cyrus---everyone has different ways of expressing it---we can't all act or expect (or dress) the same way/things as you


I thought it was sweet in her way of trying to get attention in her own way

She tried way too hard. You should have told her just what astronuc said, and then walked away...slowly.