Why would a girl ignore your calls?

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The discussion revolves around a friendship that has become strained due to misunderstandings and perceived emotional demands. The individual feels that their friend may think they are in love with her, complicating their interactions. After a series of ignored calls and confrontations about honesty, it becomes clear that the friend is overwhelmed and possibly distancing herself. The consensus suggests that giving her space and reflecting on personal insecurities could help improve the situation. Ultimately, the focus should be on fostering a healthy friendship without excessive expectations or pressure.
  • #51
OK an update... before this thread gets out of topic.

What do you do if she starts to send you some messages again, before the 1 week has even elapsed?

Edit: Oh yeah, and I haven't replied the messages at all because she wasn't asking any questions anyway, so I take it that she wasn't interested in a conversation.

Quite frankly I've been feeling such an inner peace after starting to cast her problem aside that I can go on ignoring her altogether for good and go about finding someone who could be a better friend or more. @_@;
 
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  • #52
ephedyn said:
Quite frankly I've been feeling such an inner peace after starting to cast her problem aside that I can go on ignoring her altogether for good and go about finding someone who could be a better friend or more. @_@;

If this is a genuine, for-real feeling and everything, it's a really good one to go with.
 
  • #53
DaveC426913 said:
Feel free to. You'll just have to keep a civil tongue. :biggrin:

Whatever.
 
  • #54
GeorginaS said:
You won’t debate it nor support your position, evidently, DanP. I'm not sure why not. Your choice.

Okay then; here’s mine.

There’s nothing for me to let go of. I am who I am. From the moment I drew my first breath people and my environment have been having an impact on me. I’m the sum of my genetic predisposition and how my experiences have interacted with that. I have foibles and faults and strengths and humour. I have the ability to deal with huge emotional stresses and the ability to crumble under someone’s harsh words. I can love until my heart’s set to explode, and I can feel shaky when that love feels exposed or vulnerable. I can also withdraw and be cold to protect myself. I can be kind and generous and warm. I get angry when pushed or when I witness cruelty.

And to what degree I do all or any of those things depends upon my previous experiences and lessons learned and how my given psyche deals with all of that.

That’s what I mean when I say that anyone who’s been alive for more than two years has “emotional baggage”. You begin learning responses to stimuli dumped on you by other people really, really early in life. Therefore everyone develops trigger mechanisms and responses to the people around them. Therefore you are not going to meet anyone who is “free of emotional baggage”. We’ve all had other people have an impact on us in one way or another. We all react and respond – we all come with programming. No one is “free” of it because we’re all human.

This is simple not "baggage". This is your "self" as shaped by genetic and social interactions. I think some ppl around here make a confusion between baggage and , for better or worse, being yourself.

Most of the persons I know are normal. I am simply amazed when ppl start to tell me how many ppl with baggage they meet.
 
  • #55
DaveC426913 said:
And we continue to write our programming as we go through life.
and rewrite, update, revise, . . . .
 
  • #56
ephedyn said:
OK an update... before this thread gets out of topic.

What do you do if she starts to send you some messages again, before the 1 week has even elapsed?

Edit: Oh yeah, and I haven't replied the messages at all because she wasn't asking any questions anyway, so I take it that she wasn't interested in a conversation.

;

Depends on what she said in the messages - what was her tone? like want to be friends again? or just being polite? or anything else? In her mind there isn't a one week time limit lol... so its quite normal for her to contact you, knowing you were good friends.
 
  • #57
wanna be friends again?

Oh hells no! I would slam the phone so superhard it would turn rotary!
 
  • #58
GeorginaS said:
If this is a genuine, for-real feeling and everything, it's a really good one to go with.

Excellent advice :approve:
 
  • #59
lisab/GeorginaS: *shrugs* Yeah I had enough. If someone asks me now what I look for in a person, scrap that personality, appearance, humor, confidence, generosity, kindness stuff. I'm looking for someone who's uniform, consistent, and logical. Like physics.

nucleargirl said:
Depends on what she said in the messages - what was her tone? like want to be friends again? or just being polite? or anything else? In her mind there isn't a one week time limit lol... so its quite normal for her to contact you, knowing you were good friends.

I'll think "just being polite" fits best. I don't know why she's saying sorry quite a number of times ("Sorry I was busy", "Sorry I was being...").

croxneh: Lol, slam the phone and "it will turn rotary". That's the first time I've heard that expression.
 
  • #60
ephedyn said:
I'll think "just being polite" fits best. I don't know why she's saying sorry quite a number of times ("Sorry I was busy", "Sorry I was being...").

hm... maybe she's feeling guilty for not being there for you when you needed her... and maybe she genuinely WAS busy! and your mutual friend just caught her at a good time. You know, its not good to write off all females just cos of one incident with one person. And this is all speculation, we don't know what's really going on - you should talk to her properly about it before making your judgements.
 
  • #61
GeorginaS said:
And, and, and, be sure to call them all "prime chicks". Broads are really into that too. :wink:

Actually, I should have said "prime slices of a**" because that's what's wrong with the boy- not enough testosterone in his thought process. Your post shows that that kind of thinking is alien to most women. Like it or not though it's how healthy men should think.
 
  • #62
ephedyn said:
I'll think "just being polite" fits best. I don't know why she's saying sorry quite a number of times ("Sorry I was busy", "Sorry I was being...").

This is one of my pet peeves - sorry, sorry, sorry. I think it has become simply a space filler word, just fluff, in common language.
 
  • #63
My all time favorite example of what not to do, and also an example imo that, even knowing better, everybody goes to far regardless at some point; hopefully the pain provides the gain of a lesson learned.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk
 
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  • #64
nucleargirl said:
And this is all speculation, we don't know what's really going on - you should talk to her properly about it before making your judgements.

Ye ...

recall this line "Sorry I was busy" and pair it with "Ill explain everything when Ill meet you". Run when you hear any of them :P You are being stringed.
 
  • #65
mheslep said:
My all time favorite example of what not to do, and also an example imo that, even knowing better, everybody goes to far regardless at some point; hopefully the pain provides the gain of a lesson learned.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk

Oh that is super lame. I'd not even bother leaving a voicemail, that's just stupid.
 
  • #66
cronxeh said:
Oh that is super lame. I'd not even bother leaving a voicemail, that's just stupid.
Seen the film? If so, ever walked that walk?
 
  • #67
mheslep said:
Seen the film? If so, ever walked that walk?

No, and hells no.
 
  • #68
Antiphon said:
Actually, I should have said "prime slices of a**" because that's what's wrong with the boy- not enough testosterone in his thought process. Your post shows that that kind of thinking is alien to most women. Like it or not though it's how healthy men should think.

Since you've given no sign as to whether or not you're joking, I'll assume you're serious.

After you define what you mean by the word "healthy," can you please provide the results of a study showing high scores (in the "healthy" category, as you've defined it) from men who sexually objectify women?
 
  • #69
Dembadon said:
Since you've given no sign as to whether or not you're joking, I'll assume you're serious.

After you define what you mean by the word "healthy," can you please provide the results of a study showing high scores (in the "healthy" category, as you've defined it) from men who sexually objectify women?

that's pretty far fetched, alluding that men with high testosterone "sexually objectify women"
 
  • #70
DaveC426913 said:
It is not false. Your experience may differ, however. You are either very lucky, or very young.

I guess you too have a pretty different view of "baggage". Some minor trust issues which can be worked out and other things like this are really not what I consider baggage. Try never-ending drama, being in love with her ex while trying to build a new life, cheating permanently on her husband but never able to leave him, substance abuses, women so jealous that they physically hit you when you talk to another women, lie about abysmal credit, sometimes kids from previous marriages ... I could go on about what I think as baggage.

I don't consider myself very lucky, but I can honestly tell you that I was satisfied in most of my relationships, and *none* of them let me with such a bitter taste in my mouth to think at women as clinically cases and ask for 20 pages CVs before dating them or whatever. I liked someone, I've hit on her and courted her. I've been happy sometimes. I've been hurt sometimes. Just the rules of the game =).

If I where a lucky man, I would have had what Turbo or Astronuc have in their life. I do not. However, girls made me happy, the balance is positive.

And yes, I agree with you, I am still a very young man. Any man under 50 should consider himself very young. I pity the fools who feel old in their 30s.
 
  • #71
DanP said:
I could go on about what I think as baggage.
OK, now you're speaking a little more reasonably, instead of with sweeping claims.


DanP said:
And yes, I agree with you, I am still a very young man. Any man under 50 should consider himself very young. I pity the fools who feel old in their 30s.
It is not about "considering" onesself young. It's about the mileage. My suggestion was that you were young enough to not have experienced as much in the way of baggage, and so had a comparatively simplistic view of it.
 
  • #72
DaveC426913 said:
OK, now you're speaking a little more reasonably, instead of with sweeping claims.



It is not about "considering" onesself young. It's about the mileage. My suggestion was that you were young enough to not have experienced as much in the way of baggage, and so had a comparatively simplistic view of it.

What Dave said.
 
  • #73
GeorginaS said:
What Dave said.

You are pretty much mistaken. I am 37, and I dated on and off (save for pauses for longer term relationships) for over 20 years now. I am just not so inclined to see life as an asylum :P Its probably a simplistic way of life, treating ppl in my life as "normal". But it works, Simple works. Up to you guys if you want to be "complex":devil:
 
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  • #74
DanP said:
You are pretty much mistaken. I am 37, and I dated on and off (save for pauses for longer term relationships) for over 20 years now. I am just not so inclined to see life as an asylum :P

Have you met Chris Hansen?
 
  • #75
cronxeh said:
Have you met Chris Hansen?

I have no idea who is that guy. Remember, I do not live in US.
 
  • #76
DanP said:
that's pretty far fetched, alluding that men with high testosterone "sexually objectify women"

I didn't allude to anything having to do with a man's testosterone levels; I asked the poster to define how he is using the word "healthy."

Also, calling a woman (or anyone) "a prime slice of @$$," is sexual objectification, Dan.
 
  • #77
DanP said:
You are pretty much mistaken.
You keep making these categorical assertions, as if you have access to some truth that others do not.

And that too is common in youngsters. :-p
 
  • #78
DaveC426913 said:
You keep making these categorical assertions, as if you have access to some truth that others do not.

And that too is common in youngsters. :-p

Sounds like you're calling him immature for a 37 year old Mr C! :biggrin:
 
  • #79
DanP said:
You are pretty much mistaken. I am 37, and I dated on and off (save for pauses for longer term relationships) for over 20 years now. I am just not so inclined to see life as an asylum :P Its probably a simplistic way of life, treating ppl in my life as "normal". But it works, Simple works. Up to you guys if you want to be "complex":devil:

I'd be interested to know what you are asserting Dave is "pretty much mistaken" about. You didn't argue anything he actually wrote.
 
  • #80
GeorginaS said:
I'd be interested to know what you are asserting Dave is "pretty much mistaken" about. You didn't argue anything he actually wrote.

About "baggage". You guys seem to insist that everyone who lives is a mini-psycho. Sorry, but that is simply not true. But then again, it seems common in old man to think like that.
 
  • #81
DaveC426913 said:
You keep making these categorical assertions, as if you have access to some truth that others do not.

And that too is common in youngsters. :-p

That bothers you Dave ? Smile, life is simple.
 
  • #82
DanP said:
You guys seem to insist that everyone who lives is a mini-psycho.

No, it's you who's insisting that.

You are the one who is equating baggage with near-psychotic. I speak just for myself (and presume to include Georgina) saying baggage is very common and pretty much a part of life.

See?
 
  • #83
DaveC426913 said:
No, it's you who's insisting that.

You are the one who is equating baggage with near-psychotic. I speak just for myself (and presume to include Georgina) saying baggage is very common and pretty much a part of life.

See?

Wrong PoV. You insist that bagge is part of a normal person, when it is not. You insist on labeling normal as a person with "baggage".

See ?
 
  • #84
DanP said:
That bothers you Dave ? Smile, life is simple.

It amuses me; it reminds me of my kids, who also have fairly black & white opinions and tend to speak of "wrong" and "false".
 
  • #85
DaveC426913 said:
It amuses me; it reminds me of my kids, who also have fairly black & white opinions and tend to speak of "wrong" and "false".

So yeah, I'm opinionated. Sue me ?:smile:
 
  • #86
DanP said:
Wrong PoV. You insist that bagge is part of a normal person, when it is not. You insist on labeling normal as a person with "baggage".

See ?

I don't insist; I simply have experience of this.


Here's the trouble with your stance:

I claim normally, people have baggage; you claim normally, people do not.

With my stance, both yours and my experiences are valid. (I know lots of people with baggage, you know lots of people that do not.)

With your stance, only your own experiences can be valid. (You knows lots of people who don;t have baggage, yet my experience must be false.)

I can easily falsify your claim because it is more sweeping than you have any business claiming. It excludes other possible experiences.
 
  • #87
DaveC426913 said:
I don't insist; I simply have experience of this.

Maybe you are oversensitive, hence exaggerating this baggage ? Its common in old man. One may see problems where there are none.
DaveC426913 said:
I can easily falsify your claim because it is more sweeping than you have any business claiming. It excludes other possible experiences.

Really ? Please do present the proof :P
 
  • #88
DanP said:
Maybe you are oversensitive, hence exaggerating this baggage ? Its common in old man. One may see problems where there are none.
Why would you assume I'm the one calling it baggage? People know they carry baggage.



DanP said:
Really ? Please do present the proof :P

You claim that people having baggage is pretty much false. All I have to do is demonstrate that I (and Georgina) do indeed know a significant number of people that have baggage and your claim is laid low.

Note that the corollary is not true; you claiming that you do not know a significant number of people who have baggage does not weaken my claim.

You claim tries to speak for me; my claim does not try to speak for you.
 
  • #89
Ok we need to get back to the original thread here. The girl is ignoring phone calls. Guy is persistent, I get it. What about if she is just too scared of a real relationship? What if she doesn't want to settle, feels like she is losing her freedom and independence and just wants to have fun? There might nothing be wrong with the guy, or the girl, its just that if she was to get into a relationship she knows she'll stay, and it will be a long term thing.

What if she is avoiding you because she realizes that with you the search is over.. that the dream of a knight in shiny armor is over and she found him, and its you - the retard in tinfoil?
 
  • #90
cronxeh said:
Ok we need to get back to the original thread here.
Really? I thought we'd agreed that he needs to talk to someone about this unhealthy infatuation? And that further hashing of it here would probably just make it worse.
 
  • #92
If the OP has been helped, then this is a good place to close up.
Thank you for contacting PF Relationship Support. Please fill out the customer service satisfaction survey that you will receive shortly, and let us know how well we met your needs. We were happy to be of assistance, and look forward to serving you in the future! :smile:
 

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