Would you take a look at this Thesis summary?

[Grz]

Hello everyone,

I hope this is a proper place to post this message.
I would like to ask you to take a look at this Thesis summary. It is important that it be a person familiar with the jargon. I am not a native speaker of English and want to make sure that I do not say rubbish in the summary. I would really appreciate if you took a few seconds to look and tell me if it sounds legit.

The thesis describes the designing and making of a measuring station to analyze capillary tubes used in thermostatic controllers in IMI Hydronic Engineering. The apparatus was used to measure and describe the characteristics of (the?) flow. The survey was carried out with the use of compressed air and demineralized water.The reason behind carrying out the tests was to find problems with the production process resulting in faulty products. The tests were also to find out at which stage of the production of thermostatic controllers disturbance or lack of flow occurred. In the last part of the thesis one can find suggestions for enhancing the efficiency of the production process. The thesis also includes measurements of flow losses during air and water flow. The experiment involved different types of capillary tubes used in thermostatic controllers and also an extra tube which was squashed for the sake of the experiment. The aim was to see how limited patency affects the production process.

Archivizing and parameter reading were assisted by LabView software.

 

[jedishrfu]

My initial take is that you need to say in the first sentence what is the problem or question you are trying to answer.

Other mentors can give you better advice though.

I did find this colection of example thesis statements that may help in crafting yours:

https://www.kibin.com/essay-writing-blog/thesis-statement-examples/

 

[mfb]

I'm not a native speaker either so I will focus on the content, not on language.

I agree that the abstract should describe why this is done earlier.

The apparatus was used to measure and describe the characteristics of (the?) flow.

Flow where, how, why? Also, that is a bit redundant to the first sentence.

The survey was carried out with the use of compressed air and demineralized water.

As flow media?

The reason behind carrying out the tests was to find problems with the production process resulting in faulty products.

Which products?

The tests were also to find out at which stage of the production of thermostatic controllers disturbance or lack of flow occurred.

This answers the previous question. I guess the production of those controllers needs some flow, but at least for me it is unclear why and how. Unless this is absolutely clear for everyone in your field, it might be useful to explain the production process.

Suggestion: Start with a one-sentence summary what you did, then explain the production process in one or two lines, explain which part is problematic, then describe what you did to investigate this.

 

[Grz]

Thank you both, jedishrfu amd mfb!