Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,251
Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.
 
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  • #2,252
jtbell said:
Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.
But Oh, honey do.
 
  • #2,253
Jimmy Snyder said:
But Oh, honey do.

:smile: literal LOL in the public library...thanks a lot lol
 
  • #2,254
HeLiXe said:
:smile: literal LOL in the public library...thanks a lot lol

I had the same thing happen to me during a conversation with a friend. People got angry at me.
 
  • #2,255
What, you were reading PF on your phone while talking to someone? That's what I call multitasking! :smile:
 
  • #2,256
There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.
 
  • #2,257
Haha, nice!
 
  • #2,258
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.
 
  • #2,259
dkotschessaa said:
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

It's funny because it's a converging infinite series!

Someone once told me I was 404, and I was totally lost at that point.
 
  • #2,260
lancelot59 said:
someone once told me i was 404, and i was totally lost at that point.

c:\dos
c:\dos\run
run dos run
 
  • #2,261
dkotschessaa said:
c:\dos
c:\dos\run
run dos run

If you ever wind up running DOS, make a point of doing this. It's so mindlessly amusing.

Code: 
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it; if you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
 
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  • #2,262
Lancelot59 said:
If you ever wind up running DOS, make a point of doing this. It's so mindlessly amusing.

Code: 
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show if; if you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error

ahahahaha
 
  • #2,263
I’m sorry dkotschessaa and Lancelot59, but I have to object to your posts on this thread today. In fact, I might have to report them. They clearly do not qualify for this thread. There is nothing remotely lame about them. That is definitely the hardest this thread has ever made me laugh. Much too witty for this thread.
 
  • #2,264
laugh - it's good medicine.
 
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  • #2,265
100 level 1 bugs in the code.
100 level 1 bugs.
Debug for a while,
Try to compile.
101 level 1 bugs in the code.
 
  • #2,266
hehehhehjeheee
 
  • #2,267
Alfi said:
it's supposed to be mindless amusing run dog run.
Run Spot run.
 
  • #2,268
Ken Natton said:
I’m sorry dkotschessaa and Lancelot59, but I have to object to your posts on this thread today. In fact, I might have to report them. They clearly do not qualify for this thread. There is nothing remotely lame about them. That is definitely the hardest this thread has ever made me laugh. Much too witty for this thread.

My apologies. I will endeavor to be more lame in the future...

:devil:
 
  • #2,269
Ibix said:
There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

Love it!
 
  • #2,270
Ibix said:
There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

There was a young fellow named Fisk
Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk;
So fast was his action
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disk.
 
  • #2,271
Did you hear about the rich swordfish who divorced his wife? He had to pay her a lot of abalone.
 
  • #2,272
Should have put this one in before the Philosophy Forum went.

ICL VME Mainframe answering truly deep questions:

> God
GOD DOES NOT EXIST
 
  • #2,273
What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?

Its back legs.
 
  • #2,274
Watson picks up a piece of sandstone and shows it to Holmes. "What could it mean?" he asks. "Sedimentary, my dear Watson!. It means our murderer is at this moment hiding in that larder with the yellow door". "But Holmes, how in blazes could you possibly deduce that?". "Lemon entry, my dear Watson!"
 
  • #2,275
What's the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a?

pizza
 
  • #2,276
Did you hear about the phone company that won a Nobel prize?

It seems they made a phone that doesn't ring.
 
  • #2,277
The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
 
  • #2,278
jtbell said:
Did you hear about the rich swordfish who divorced his wife? He had to pay her a lot of abalone.

That joke gave me a haddock.
 
  • #2,279
I'm reading a book about helium. I just can't put it down.
 
  • #2,280
Love is like flatulence.

If you have to force it out, it's probably not a fart.
 
  • #2,281
True story: Many years ago, I gave an test in my intro modern physics class. In addition to the usual calculation and derivation type problems, I asked the students to give definitions for some words and phrases.

For "bremsstrahlung," one response was, "the sound you make when you try to talk with peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth."
 
  • #2,282
I heard Henry Darcy was a pore man.
 
  • #2,283
Definition of Reintarnation

~ When you come back as a hillbilly
 
  • #2,284
What do you call a man with a piece of wood on his head?
Edward.
What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?
Edward Wood.
What do you call a man with three pieces of wood on his head?
Edward Woodward.
What do you call a man with four pieces of wood on his head?
I don't know - but Edward Woodward would.
 
  • #2,285
Ibix said:
What do you call a man with a piece of wood on his head?
Edward.
What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?
Edward Wood.
What do you call a man with three pieces of wood on his head?
Edward Woodward.
What do you call a man with four pieces of wood on his head?
I don't know - but Edward Woodward would.

Wood yew believe I know what you rafter ?
 
  • #2,286
Just a quick reminder, I'm sill here to cellulose puns if you want to spread them around the joint.
 
  • #2,287
The election today is going to be decided by 50 women in Ohio.
 
  • #2,288
http://www.shirtofun.com/image/cache/data/Top-10_rect-500x500.jpg
 
  • #2,289
If there were a prize for laziness, maybe I'd send someone to pick it up for me.
 
  • #2,290
A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender: "Why the long face?"

Horse: "I'm $50,000 in debt."
 
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  • #2,291
Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are insentient and therefore not capable of feeling fear.
 
  • #2,292
Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?

She had dementia.
 
  • #2,293
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar.

They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.
 
  • #2,294
dkotschessaa said:
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar.

They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

You don't think they tell each other lame jokes, then? ;-)
 
  • #2,295
Ibix said:
You don't think they tell each other lame jokes, then? ;-)

Only on internet forums!
 
  • #2,296
I dunno. A fair proportion of my social interaction with scientists, both on- and off-line, has revolved around bizarrist humour.
 
  • #2,297
Chuck Norris is so awesome he can recite all of the digits of pi backwards!
 
  • #2,298
Why is a beer better than a woman?

It isn't.
 
  • #2,299
What is a polyatomic ion that is almost always found in the toilet?

Urinate! (Hey, you asked for lame jokes).Why was 10 afraid of 9?

Because 9,8,7.Are you so unreasonable that you would not let me drink buttermilk at your wedding, yet you would let some stranger stuff his gob with blackberries? That hardly seems fair.
 
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  • #2,300
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that.
 

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