Has your best friend ever dated your recent ex girlfriend?

[ME_student]

Have you ever been in the situation where your best buddy turned around and started dating your most recent ex girlfriend? How did you handle the situation? Were you cool about it or were you pissed off as soon as you found out?

About a month ago my best friend I had grown up with for 19+ years turned around and decided to start dating my latest ex girlfriend. When I found out I was upset, pissed enough at him I ended the friendship for only a few weeks.

I learned quick that ending a relationship with a good friend over a girlfriend is stupid. Now my buddy and I are pretty good friends, been able to build a friend relationship with my ex as well.

 

[lisab]

That's a tough situation - no, it's never happened to me. It sounds like your reaction was totally appropriate, though.

There was one time when I was friends with a couple. They were together a long time, but then they broke up. The guy started showing interest in me but I was really unsure of how to proceed. Then his ex came to me and said, he really likes you and it's really OK with me if you go out with him. So I did, for a little while. He turned out to be a jerk though .

Do you think you and your best friend are as close as you were before this incident?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I once stole my best friend's girlfriend.

Of course the problem with that statement is the implication that I had anything to do with it. If she wanted to date me and not Bill, that was her choice, not ours. Bill and I were fine with it. He was hurt a bit but didn't blame me. He knows I'm just too lovable to resist.

In fact I was crazy about her but never acted on that until she came to me. If I had gone after her I probably would have felt pretty guilty.

Eeek, I just remembered that his future wife once hit on me too.

 

[R.P.F.]

I wouldn't care at all. Maybe just because I didn't take my relationships seriously enough.

 

[ME_student]

That's a tough situation - no, it's never happened to me. It sounds like your reaction was totally appropriate, though.

There was one time when I was friends with a couple. They were together a long time, but then they broke up. The guy started showing interest in me but I was really unsure of how to proceed. Then his ex came to me and said, he really likes you and it's really OK with me if you go out with him. So I did, for a little while. He turned out to be a jerk though .

Do you think you and your best friend are as close as you were before this incident?

Oh my gosh! As I was reading your story I thought this guy was gay... Not trying to be sexist, but for a second there I thought you were a guy. (Haha) Then I looked over at your Avatar and figured you were a female, sorry about that...

 

[ME_student]

I once stole my best friend's girlfriend.

Of course the problem with that statement is the implication that I had anything to do with it. If she wanted to date me and not Bill, that was her choice, not ours. Bill and I were fine with it. He was hurt a bit but didn't blame me. He knows I'm just too lovable to resist.

In fact I was crazy about her but never acted on that until she came to me. If I had gone after her I probably would have felt pretty guilty.

Eeek, I just remembered that his future wife once hit on me too.

My buddy didn't like her at all until she was initiating him. I actually feel sorry for my friend... See after my ex gf broke up with me she dated another guy a few weeks later. She has never not had a bf in her life. It's kind of sad.

One needs to be able to live happy single, right? I have been single for about 2 1/2 years, planning on staying single until I am done with college.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I once introduced a girlfriend to a good friend and was intrigued to find out they were getting along better with each other than she and I were. I thought, what the hell, I'm not that interested, so I extricated myself and they got together. I saw them a few months later and it seemed they were still into each other and going strong, so I felt saintly and altruistic about the whole thing. (Fact is, I had already been thinking of ways I might go about extricating myself before they were introduced.)

In any case where a breakup wasn't my idea (if I'd been dumped) then the best friend stepping in would surely be painful, though "legal": if you're not going with someone you have no say who they date.

 

[roym6]

Haha, I'm in this dilemma as we speak. My best-friend broke up with his 5 month girlfriend in April. But recently his ex started to flirt with me over Facebook and at school. I don't know why they broke up or how he would feel about me dating his ex. She has a pretty awesome personality and is cute, but I don't know what the consequences will be and if she is worth it. :/

 

[TheShrike]

I haven't had a girlfriend, so from the outside looking in this kind of hypothetical situation confuses me somewhat.

My understanding proceeds in this manner: one has a partner, then the relationship ends. Both are free now to date who they will.

Why does this freedom not include a friend of the former partner?

The only reason I've been able to come up with is that, since you have just split with this person, there is a bit of an emotional tear there, and I know (or have heard) that after a break-up one should probably try and avoid contact, or make a clean break so to speak. So I understand that if your friend dates this person, you are likely to run into them often when you might not want to. Does that accurately portray what people mean by this supposed dilemma?

 

[daveb]

My (now) ex wife and (now) ex best friend had an affair (which is why they're both exes now). Does that count?

 

[DaveC426913]

The only reason I've been able to come up with is that, since you have just split with this person, there is a bit of an emotional tear there, and I know (or have heard) that after a break-up one should probably try and avoid contact, or make a clean break so to speak. So I understand that if your friend dates this person, you are likely to run into them often when you might not want to. Does that accurately portray what people mean by this supposed dilemma?

As part of the Bro Code, one does not date a bro's ex.* It's a loyalty thing.

The betrayal, if there is any, is not between the now-separated guy-and-girl; the betrayal is the guy's friend, who may be seen as disloyal to their friendship.

*it's not gender-specific. Anybody know the female equivalent of the Bro Code?

 

[ME_student]

Haha, I'm in this dilemma as we speak. My best-friend broke up with his 5 month girlfriend in April. But recently his ex started to flirt with me over Facebook and at school. I don't know why they broke up or how he would feel about me dating his ex. She has a pretty awesome personality and is cute, but I don't know what the consequences will be and if she is worth it. :/

Don't do it. There are plenty of more fish in the sea, look else where.

 

[ME_student]

I haven't had a girlfriend, so from the outside looking in this kind of hypothetical situation confuses me somewhat.

My understanding proceeds in this manner: one has a partner, then the relationship ends. Both are free now to date who they will.

Why does this freedom not include a friend of the former partner?

The only reason I've been able to come up with is that, since you have just split with this person, there is a bit of an emotional tear there, and I know (or have heard) that after a break-up one should probably try and avoid contact, or make a clean break so to speak. So I understand that if your friend dates this person, you are likely to run into them often when you might not want to. Does that accurately portray what people mean by this supposed dilemma?

Well that is the reason you don't understand because you have never had a girlfriend. Wait until you build a close relationship with a girl and she breaks your heart then you will understand what I am saying...

 

[Astronuc]

My (now) ex wife and (now) ex best friend had an affair (which is why they're both exes now). Does that count?

Ouch! That would be an extreme example.

 

[ME_student]

My (now) ex wife and (now) ex best friend had an affair (which is why they're both exes now). Does that count?

Yeah, but that is much worse. My friend had recently gone through this as well. His ex wife had an affair with his best friend before they divorced.

Your situation would stink, never would be able to go through that...

 

[Naty1]

I learned quick that ending a relationship with a good friend over a girlfriend is stupid.

GOOD friends don't do sneaky things like that. A GOOD fried would have at least asked you first.

You find in life that you have to separate friends from RELIABLE, TRUSTWORTHY friends...the latter are the difficult ones to find. But if you are comfortable hanging out and enjoying somebody who isn't all the reliable, no foul committed.

 

[ME_student]

GOOD friends don't do sneaky things like that. A GOOD fried would have at least asked you first.

You find in life that you have to separate friends from RELIABLE, TRUSTWORTHY friends...the latter are the difficult ones to find. But if you are comfortable hanging out and enjoying somebody who isn't all the reliable, no foul committed.

He did ask me before he dated her. He asked me how I would feel if they dated. I told him I would be pissed and our friendship would be gone... (Haha) Sure enough he didn't date her for a few weeks, but seeing his actions towards her told me that he really wanted to date her. So I basically told him he can date her if he wants.

I am glad him and I are on good term now. I hope their relationship will workout between the two of them.

 

[ME_student]

One other thing I like to mention. After my girlfriend broke up with and a year passed we had become pretty good friends, almost went back out. I remember when my friend (who is now dating my ex), heard about me and her considering dating again. He was furious when he heard about it. He actually told one day while we were playing Halo Reach on xbox360 that my ex was pissing him off because she would bother me. She wasn't annoying me, instead trying to draw my attention away from my senses. He didn't want me to date her again. I took his thought into consideration and followed it. We ended up not dating each other for a second time. I sometimes wonder if he had feelings for her back then.