Poll for men on receiving flowers

[Fervent Freyja]

For males: What would you think if a woman/man sent you a rose & little love note?

 

[Astronuc]

I have had women send me flowers as an expression of affection, and I'm fine with that. The affection was/is mutual.

 

[strangerep]

The only females who've ever offered me a flower were either:

(1) under the age of 5,

(2) over the age of 70, or

(3) over 300 pounds.

Luckily, I was sufficiently quick to flee at warp 9 every time.

 

[symbolipoint]

Do I eat the flower now or should I cook it first?

 

[fresh_42]

Do I eat the flower now or should I cook it first?

That was exactly my thought: Nice, but I would have preferred herbs!

 

[berkeman]

For males: What would you think if a woman/man sent you a rose & little love note?

I'd think "Oh crap, I hope my wife doesn't see this!"

 

[Vanadium 50]

I'd think "Oh crap, I hope my wife doesn't see this!"

And on the other side of the coin...

What would you think if a woman/man sent you a rose & little love note?

How big is her husband?

 

[gmax137]

I was embarrassed to receive flowers and a note at work.
I married her. That was 27 years ago.

 

[jbriggs444]

My wife is a practical woman. She has forbidden me to give her flowers with a threat of divorce if I ever attempt such a daft thing. So I give her dandelions from time to time.

 

[Fervent Freyja]

And on the other side of the coin...
How big is her husband?

He’s my former boss, but we were friends way earlier. We met at a networking event, and I’d become close to some in his immediate network.

When his wife passed away I made him a nice gourmet snack/med basket for his office (I knew he wasn’t going to be eating or sleeping) and he’s also seemed to always love little encouraging notes and cards that I’ve slipped on his desk/under his door. He *always* made sure to hug me when he saw me. He is ENFJ, one of my MBTI type matches. Many months ago, I was out for a month from 2 surgeries and when he saw me again he was teary-eyed and red-faced while telling me that he was so happy that I was back.

He’s confused me, we always kept it friendly at first, but before she passed away he started growling/grunting/making weird sounds while a few inches away at me one day when we were speaking in the parking lot (I ignored it)
and then after she passed he started majorly peacocking around me/asking me questions about guys I’m dating, making “I’m going to kill” faces when other men were in close proximity to me, even everyone else was shocked that he was walking around (many employees had never even met him) and then not long after started approaching me to ask if there is anything he can help me with in my personal life. I jokingly said my school loans, and he was like “we” can take care of that and texted me for specifics not long after. He seems to want me to need him and a real problem is that I have to make stuff up for him to do for me (he picked up my daughter from school one day [our children play together] and then took my car for an oil change). But I became passive aggressive right after that school conversation because his former wife was a housewife/my gut instinct is that he would expect the same (and he has always ignored me talking about wanting to go back to school, no comments on what I want to do) and my mind immediately put up a barrier to entertaining anything with him, but my feelings for him are very tender and juvenile.

So I withdrew, automatically favoring my logic over emotions. His wife was one of the most sweetest, beautiful and impressive women I have ever met, but I am not a Step-ford wife type. I’m in his community network/have been doing A LOT of socializing, but I’m not going to be able to keep up with the same thing she had done (not as devoutly religious or charity oriented) and I wouldn’t be able to have a career. I am different, and I have tried to make that clear- he seemed to be fascinated with my quirkiness and our intellectual conversations were on fire. The last time I “worked” with him was awkward- it was like he was upset with me, but I had been avoiding him for over a month. 2 guys in his upper management have shown interest, and one messaged me this week (married dude), since I am phased out now, asking me about my new job- not sure if he knows about the others interests. I think he’s pissed, because he went from immediately answering my texts with encouragement, to nothing back at all when I told him about my notice. We went from a friendship with underlying sexual chemistry, to nothing at all these last two months.

Essentially, I have 2 options here:

1. Communicate with him that I do have a romantic interest (to sort of compensate for the mixed signals and coldness I give off these last few months) and ultimately later have HIM compromise that I have a career suited to me.

2. Drop it cold. Don’t look back. I’ve actually already deleted his number when he didn’t text me back. I’m preparing. It’s not going to kill me. I’ll get what and achieve what I want, regardless.

The problem is that I am rarely sexually aroused by a man, and with this one I seem to have an emotional attraction towards as well, and I’m not sure if I need to let this go without trying a little further. It’s rare. There’s all this literature about making a man chase the woman- I’m accustomed to that- but this is a great man that deserves some leniency after what he’s lost. He’s almost 50, but a pretty admirable form and better than comparison to ones my age. He didn’t reply after a text message, does he really deserve a rose? Most of me says that he doesn’t. A small part of me
asks, does he deserve compassion and empathy after all that he’s lost- he’s going through a crisis after all- maybe he doesn’t feel like he deserves something good? And he has done WAY more for me than I have for him (even if it were all his insistence to begin with). I want to do the right thing. I don’t want to be a “bad” person in this and am worried that my passive aggressive behavior of shutting him out cold for the last two months hurt him?

Let’s say that I do send him the rose, with the note telling him he’s sexy. And things unfold from there, do I really want to get serious?

I’m just wondering if he really just wanted something else
all along. There’s THAT possibility. Or maybe I just want the same thing only from him?

Maybe I just need to send him a single
Daisy and wish him well? With, for some reason, our friendship ending at the same time?

Nothing at all? WHAT should
I do?

 

[Fervent Freyja]

The only females who've ever offered me a flower were either:

(1) under the age of 5,

(2) over the age of 70, or

(3) over 300 pounds.

Luckily, I was sufficiently quick to flee at warp 9 every time.

You poor thing!

 

[strangerep]

You poor thing!

Noooo. It turned out I did the right thing every time by warp 9'ing in the opposite direction. (Actually, I left one case out: looney toons.)

But back to your situation...

So,... you're reasonably sure you don't want to be the type of long term female companion he wants, but you find him physically desirable? OMG, too much thinking with your <ahem>. In another 10 yrs (or sooner) he'll probably need viagra.

Worse, you're thinking "[...] and ultimately later have HIM compromise [...]".
Aisle, altar, hymn??... Nuts. A truckload thereof.

[Seriously, I hope this helps.]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

Noooo. It turned out I did the right thing every time by warp 9'ing in the opposite direction. (Actually, I left one case out: looney toons.)

But back to your situation...

So,... you're reasonably sure you don't want to be the type of long term female companion he wants, but you find him physically desirable? OMG, too much thinking with your <ahem>. In another 10 yrs (or sooner) he'll probably need viagra.

Worse, you're thinking "[...] and ultimately later have HIM compromise [...]".
Aisle, altar, hymn??... Nuts. A truckload thereof.

[Seriously, I hope this helps.]

Yes, that sort of lifestyle is unappealing to me. I did realize there was some practical incompatibility. I’m not handing that much of my autonomy over ever again.

It’s always nice to write things out, because I woke up this morning with some insight that it’s likely this person was trying to emotionally manipulate me. I’m very emotionally retarded and don’t pick up on dynamics like that.

That said, I think an emotionally needy person pairing with an emotionally retarded person (like me) is at high risk for somebody cheating. I would know. I probably couldn’t make him happy, anyway. And he is a good person and does deserve that. I would rather bring a mate his greatest enemies head or write a dissertation every year to show my love than have to talk about my emotions or have to figure out all this indirect mess!

I’ll be going through menopause in 15ish years and most men need help anyway, so too much older doesn’t really matter. To be honest, I was mainly fantasizing about cuddling and not that!

I’m now doubting my initial reaction of shutting it down and am wondering about my shortcomings/behaviors. Seems to be patterns in my dating life indicating I need to work on my emotional responses and develop better judgement for motives.

 

[bobob]

Essentially, I have 2 options here:

1. Communicate with him that I do have a romantic interest (to sort of compensate for the mixed signals and coldness I give off these last few months) and ultimately later have HIM compromise that I have a career suited to me.

Do this. Don't overthink it. You can always get out later if it doesn't work, but you can't always get a second chance. It take two people to say yes, but only one to say no.

 

[Fervent Freyja]

Do this. Don't overthink it. You can always get out later if it doesn't work, but you can't always get a second chance. It take two people to say yes, but only one to say no.

Thank you for this! You’re right, I just need to make a move!

 

[etotheipi]

I'd consider it an assassination attempt, because I have hay-fever