Collection of Lame Jokes

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What's green, hangs on a wall, and whistles?
A herring.
Well, you could paint it green.
And nail it to the wall.
The whistling? I had to put that in to keep it from being too obvious.

I am not sure if this is actually funny, or if it's just way too early in the morning to already be half way to work.
 
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Black and white cartoon of a couple holding hands; the woman says "WE MET AT THE LIBRARY..." and the man replies "SHE WAS TALKING AND I SAID SHHH!" to a man who is looking on.
 
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This one is worth a repeat.

Far Side style cartoon: people in an elevator doorway stare at a large lion standing in the doorway, its tail twitching. Caption reads: Don't be alarmed, folks, he's completely harmless unless something startles him.
 
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After moving his companies to San Antonio, all of Musk's X's live in Texas.
 
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The latest in giraffe fashion:

Three giraffes standing in dry savanna grass, one in the centre with its head framed beneath a flat-topped green acacia tree; the caption reads Dirk Koster / Comedy Wildlife.
 
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"Whatever happened to that hide-and-seek tournament you were trying to organize?"

"I gave up. Couldn't find any good players."
 
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jtbell said:
hide-and-seek tournament

Cartoon from Sunny Street: two movers in Stans Moving Co. shirts lift an orange couch, revealing a skeleton lying under it on a red shirt reading HIDE & SEEK CHAMPION 1971.
 
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This month's Playbug centerfold:

Photo of a green praying mantis on the curved edge of a green leaf against a black background, seen in side profile with long antennae raised.
 
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Thanks. That gave me something to read about. (Foghorn Leghorn, and abit about how that was).
 
Black cat wearing a black harness with a patch reading SECURITY DOG, with a leash attached, sitting on a concrete surface. Caption above reads: He lied on his resume, but got the job anyway.
 
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What do Claude, Siri, Grok et al. like to put on their hamburgers and steaks?

Cartoon robot with a grey body, antenna and a chest label reading AI, smiling at a cheeseburger on a plate beside a bottle labelled A.1. Sauce.
 
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Cartoon of two sharks in the sea with a silhouetted fisherman and boy in a small boat at sunset. One shark says "By the way, my whole family is coming this weekend." The other replies "You're gonna need a bigger boat."
 
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New band by 50Cent and his twin brother : " Dolla ".
 
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Cartoon of two deer standing in a forest, one reading a letter by a mailbox while the other looks on with a hand on his shoulder. Caption reads: Oh my God! It's from Connie! She's written me a 'John deer' letter!


But shouldn't that be "Deer John"?
 
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Uber driver: "Do you mind if I put some music on?"

Passenger: "Not at all."

Driver: "Kiss?"

Passenger: "Let's listen to the music first snd see how we feel."
 
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Photo of a white outdoor changeable-letter sign with black letters reading: MY BIGGEST FEAR ABOUT BECOMING A ZOMBIE IS ALL THE WALKING.
 
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