Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ibix]

Good they protons don't have to pay customs.

Oddly, since there's a charge.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[256bits]

They do! And they have the coolest tunnel of all! (pun came in naturally)
View attachment 252615

Put in a roadway, and test the prototype to cut transit time by 99.999999%

 

[jack action]

A small ATM room having 2 ACs and 4 tube lights, working 24/7, is asking me not to print a receipt to save the environment.

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

Dog #1: I’m worried about my human. I think he might have some kind of memory problem.

Dog #2: Why do you say that?

Dog #1: Every time we meet, he asks the same question over and over: “Who’s a good boy?”“Who’s a good boy?”“Who’s a good boy?”

 

[DrGreg]

Dog #1: I’m worried about my human. I think he might have some kind of memory problem.

Dog #2: Why do you say that?

Dog #1: Every time we meet, he asks the same question over and over: “Who’s a good boy?”“Who’s a good boy?”“Who’s a good boy?”

Dog #1: And he keeps throwing his possessions away, which I then have to fetch for him.

 

[WWGD]

Dog #1: And he keeps throwing his possessions away, which i then have to fetch for him.

I play fetch with my dog using a boomerang. Wonder what he thinks to himself.

 

[mfb]

I could tell a joke about a broken internet connection, but you wouldn't get it.

 

[256bits]

One burnt blown out wall socket to another, "It Hertz!"

 

[jack action]

The weather in Canada this week is so cold, that accuweather.com have to say -0°C:

​

 

[DrClaude]

The weather in Canada this week is so cold, that accuweather.com have to say -0°C:

It's because it is approaching 0 from below

I would however quibble with you that 0 °C is cold for November in Canada...

 

[fresh_42]

It's because it is approaching 0 from below

... and I read it as turning into lower than zero ...
Not that it is a contradiction, but $x$ is more likely than $x^2$.

 

[Borg]

I thought that I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

 

[Ibix]

I used to be vain, but I got rid of the problem and now I'm perfect.

 

[WWGD]

I used to be vain, but I got rid of the problem and now I'm perfect.

Carly Simon has this song with the line: "You're so vain, I bet you thought this song's about you".

 

[Keith_McClary]

People tell me I'm getting forgetful, but I was always like that, as I recall.

 

[WWGD]

People tell me I'm getting forgetful, but I was always like that, as I recall.

I'll never forget what's her name.

 

[WWGD]

This guy is stopped by a cop while driving:
"Did you know this is a one-way street?"
"I am only going one way."

 

[fresh_42]

If I worked at IKEA, I would have given the children's products the appropriate names.

The beds "Roara" and "Nitslip", the children's plate "Tastynasty" and the wardrobe "Dawdly" would certainly be bestsellers.

 

[WWGD]

If I worked at IKEA, I would have given the children's products the appropriate names.

The beds "Roara" and "Nitslip", the children's plate "Tastynasty" and the wardrobe "Dawdly" would certainly be bestsellers.

At McDonald's: Filet McNasty. MadMag ( RIP) did a bit on "IKrappa" , ripping IKEA. It seems IKEA took it as a compliment.

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2bgk6p/looks_about_right/

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 253065
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2bgk6p/looks_about_right/

Maybe re our recent "Power Tower" post, we can have infinitely-many RVs on top of each other and see what happens, i.e., if the tower converges.

 

[DrGreg]

If I worked at IKEA, I would have given the children's products the appropriate names.

The beds "Roara" and "Nitslip", the children's plate "Tastynasty" and the wardrobe "Dawdly" would certainly be bestsellers.

To understand the following joke, pronounce the punchline with a New Zealand accent.

In New Zealand, I asked one of the locals where I could buy flat-pack furniture.

He replied, "Does it look like I care?"

 

[fresh_42]

To understand the following joke, pronounce the punchline with a New Zealand accent.

In New Zealand, I asked one of the locals where I could buy flat-pack furniture.

He replied, "Does it look like I care?"

I don't know the NZ accent, but Scottish did as well.

 

[fresh_42]

He replied, "Does it look like I care?"

"Locked? Is it that late?"

 

[jtbell]

"My mission is to ensure that this sodium chloride crystal stays together."

"And your name?..."

"Bond. Ionic bond."

 

[WWGD]

It seems the new Super Quark found is the same as the existing Quark Qent. Who knew?