Why Do Guys Treat Girlfriends Like Crap Yet Have Long-Term Relationships?

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The discussion centers on the perplexity surrounding why some men treat their girlfriends poorly yet maintain long-term relationships. Contributors express confusion over the attraction dynamics, noting that many women seem to prefer "jerks" over genuinely nice guys. It is suggested that women often seek a deeper emotional or instinctual attraction rather than simply valuing kindness. The conversation highlights common misconceptions about dating, such as the belief that being overly nice or seeking approval can lead to success with women. Ultimately, the dialogue reflects a broader inquiry into the complexities of attraction and relationship dynamics.
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...guys who treat their gf's like crap staying in relationships for so long? Why do these girls not get rid of them? I've heard a number of stories now on PF where ppl will describe a friend or somebody they know, and they treat their gf's like total crap yet have a long-lasting relationship. It's not only on PF, I see it around me at school as well, and hear about it all the time.

I treat my gf like the goddess she is...i mean, ok, maybe that's a bit strong a description I don't worship her and I'm not infaturated (?) to her, but I treat her with complete respect and I don't think I have ever said a foul thing toward her. I've heard a number of recomendations in various threads here that say you got to be a jerk kinda to attract women, I don't get it...

I'm confused...ladies some help?
 
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Seems like the ladies are not interested in answering your question.

Here is an email that I recieved:

A Special Offer For Single Men Only...
.The Ten Most Dangerous
Mistakes YOU Probably
Make With Women.
And What To Do About It...

Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women.And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...

MISTAKE #1: Being
Too Much Of A .Nice Guy.

Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?

Of course you have.

Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What's going on here?

It's actually very simple...

Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.

And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.

Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To
.Convince Her To Like You.

What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just notinterested?

Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, EVER.

You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".

Think about it.

If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?

But we all do it.

When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.

Bad idea. One that will never work.

MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her
For Approval Or Permission

In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.

Don't get me wrong here.

You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.

But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.

You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.

Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

MISTAKE #4: Trying To .Buy. Her Affection With Food And Gifts

How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?

If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.

Well guess what?

It's only NATURAL when this happens...

That's right, I said NATURAL.

When you do these things, you send a clear message:

"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.

MISTAKE #5: Sharing
.How You Feel. Too Early In
The Relationship With Her

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.

Attractive women are rare.

And they get a LOT of attention from men.

Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.

An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.

And guess what?

Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.

That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.

They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.

This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.

Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.

There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #6: Not .Getting. How Attraction Works For Women

Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.

But does the same apply for women?

Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?

Think about it.

Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.

If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY guy can learn how...

MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It
Takes Money And Looks

One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.

And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.

There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...

And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.

YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.

Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

MISTAKE #8: Giving Away
All Of Your Power To Women

Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.

Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.

Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.

Another bad idea...

Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
EXACTLY What To Do In Each
Type Of Situation With Women

Now I'm going to blow your mind...

A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.

Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.

I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.

And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!

And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...

Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.

If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW it.

It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.

I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Hey, I've been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...

About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.

It frustrated the hell out of me.

One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.

I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.

It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.

I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.

I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States... and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.

I Now Have A FREE, Three-Times-
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...But the REALLY GREAT news is that I now publish a free email newsletter three times a week that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.

And I'd like to invite you to sign up.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).

Of course, it even get's better than that...

In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.

It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.

To sign up for my free three-times-a-week newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:

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Well, that's not the case.

I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy writing this eBook. I wanted to design and create a program that ANY guy could easily understand and start using IMMEDIATELY to meet and date more women... without having to lie, do dishonest things, or be "manipulative".

I now believe that ANY man can be more successful with women and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from guys who are using this program to meet and date wonderful women.

I know, I know... an ebook that can teach a regular guy how to be more successful in the dating world? No way.

Well believe me, this program will DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women... I absolutely guarantee it 100%.

If you'd like to take your success with women and dating to the next level, and have the kind of success that you've always wanted, then go sign up for my free newsletter, get all the details, and check out some great free samples of the eBook located here:

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And I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,
 
Well certainly I can't stand a man who doesn't respect me enough and treat me badly! Unfortunately some man start acting like a jerk when they see a girl around them in order to attract her. But I don't give a damn to these guys. So I say not be a jerk but alos don't be a bore.
(Sometimes I think those girls aren't mature and wise enough who look for happiness in such relationships, but perhaps I'm wrong!)
 
I think it has to do with the guy treating her well at the start. She gets attached, and then the behavior deteriorates.

I know that when I broke up with my girlfriend she kept asking me to "Please just stay." That's attached. Made me sad...
 
I agree with Lisa!. I won't date a jerk. I'm not attracted to the "bad boy" type. I AM attracted to men that respect my feelings and show consideration for me. I am attracted to men that are open about their feelings for me and don't make me quess.

Some guys that consider themselves to be "nice" are actually clingy, insecure, and will suffocate the woman they are interested in. That will usually drive a woman away. They've crossed over from being nice to be annoying.

I think most women want a man like you rocketboy, but it's like Alkatran said, most women in relationships with "jerks" had a good relationship in the beginning, but then as the relationship goes bad, the girl is unable to gather up enough self esteem to end the relationship.

Then there are the flakey, insecure women that feel they deserve to be treated poorly and actually do have an attraction to men that treat them that way. You DON'T want a woman like that.
 
rocketboy said:
...guys who treat their gf's like crap staying in relationships for so long? Why do these girls not get rid of them?

Because they're idiots. Like most people.

I've heard a number of stories now on PF where ppl will describe a friend or somebody they know, and they treat their gf's like total crap yet have a long-lasting relationship. It's not only on PF, I see it around me at school as well, and hear about it all the time.

I treat my gf like the goddess she is...i mean, ok, maybe that's a bit strong a description I don't worship her and I'm not infaturated (?) to her, but I treat her with complete respect and I don't think I have ever said a foul thing toward her. I've heard a number of recomendations in various threads here that say you got to be a jerk kinda to attract women, I don't get it...

I'm confused...ladies some help?


You don't have to be a jerk. People who say that still don't get it. The #1 most attractive thing is STATUS. Humans, like all the other primates (that I can think of anyway) are hierarchical. Status matters. At a base, instinctual level, status determines the worthiness of a mate. Its a tad bit cliche, but alpha males are more attractive. That said, what's more important than actual status, is the perception of it. Perception is reality with most people, because most people are morons. There are lots of ways to convey status: money, looks, confidence, all of them say the same thing subconsciously to other people: Status.
 
Evo said:
I agree with Lisa!. I won't date a jerk. I'm not attracted to the "bad boy" type. I AM attracted to men that respect my feelings and show consideration for me. I am attracted to men that are open about their feelings for me and don't make me quess.

Some guys that consider themselves to be "nice" are actually clingy, insecure, and will suffocate the woman they are interested in. That will usually drive a woman away. They've crossed over from being nice to be annoying.

I think most women want a man like you rocketboy, but it's like Alkatran said, most women in relationships with "jerks" had a good relationship in the beginning, but then as the relationship goes bad, the girl is unable to gather up enough self esteem to end the relationship.

Then there are the flakey, insecure women that feel they deserve to be treated poorly and actually do have an attraction to men that treat them that way. You DON'T want a woman like that.

All very well said. Of course, it takes two people to make a bad relationship and stay in it. Just as easily as asking why does the woman stay, you can also ask why does the man stay when he doesn't even respect the woman he's dating?

Probably not what is really being asked about here, but that bears into interpreting what other people say about relationships are the guys who feel they need to act "tough" around the other guys, and bluster a lot, saying they're laying down the law, and king of the castle, and all that nonsense, but when they're actually with the woman they love, they're actually gentle pussycats.
 
Yadda yadda yadda...

I'm the boss of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so!
 
Ivan Seeking said:
Yadda yadda yadda...

I'm the boss of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so!
:smile: At least until she sees your post, right? :biggrin:
 
  • #10
I never gave him permission for ANYTHING! :smile:
 
  • #11
I think it all boils down to what you are looking for.
Bad boys get laid
Nice guys get a relationship.
 
  • #12
tribdog said:
I think it all boils down to what you are looking for.
Bad boys get laid
Nice guys get a relationship.

Depends on what you classify as a relationship.
 
  • #13
I define it as something lasting and hopefully rewarding.
It's what I'm looking for.
I can go out and play bad boy and get laid 6 nights a week, but I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who would sleep with me on the first date.
It takes longer being a nice guy, but the end result is much better.
 
  • #14
It depends upon the situation and the girl, really.

My Mom is that way...boy, I could tell you stories that'd confuse you even more if you had the time. Everything between verbal abuse, physical abuse, and abuse in general. It's always been a mystery, why my Mom stuck with him, and I don't think we're ever going to solve it. She was young...he was her first boyfriend...blah, blah, blah. I believe it had something to do with her personality. She was easy to push around, too nice for her own good. He was a bastard from day one, I have to admit. I can't tell if he's gotten worse since then or if this is how he always was...

I tend to believe our desire to nurture people gets us if we don't watch it. We think, "Oh, he's hurting...I'll help him, I'll make it all better." when that can't be done in most cases. You can't change someone if they aren't willing to change and how many people like that are really willing to change a thing about themselves? My Dad would rather change everyone around him because he's already "perfect".

There's fear as well, a biggie. I know my Mom fears being on her own as she's been with him since she was 18, she doesn't know how to take care of herself and he's beaten it into her that she can't learn. She can, she's just too afraid to which hurts...she's wasting her life away.

As far as teens go, I think it's just "cool" to have a boyfriend. It's easier to stick with an ass than it is to actually find someone worth your time.
 
  • #15
Evo said:
I think most women want a man like you rocketboy, but it's like Alkatran said, most women in relationships with "jerks" had a good relationship in the beginning, but then as the relationship goes bad, the girl is unable to gather up enough self esteem to end the relationship.
To refine this point a bit... Most women are attracted to confidence. The jerks that women date tend to at least act confident. In all relationships there is an initial attraction that is very strong but the novelty wears off over time. Women that are attracted to jerks because of their confidence (or supposed confidence), once that initial attraction dies down, start to look for the elements for a lasting relationship and realize suddenly that they just aren't there. The guy wasn't necessarily ever that great a guy for the woman to date to begin with, she just wasn't paying that close of attention to what she was getting herself into.
 
  • #16
AngelShare said:
My Mom is that way...boy, I could tell you stories that'd confuse you even more if you had the time. Everything between verbal abuse, physical abuse, and abuse in general. It's always been a mystery, why my Mom stuck with him, and I don't think we're ever going to solve it. She was young...he was her first boyfriend...blah, blah, blah. I believe it had something to do with her personality. She was easy to push around, too nice for her own good. He was a bastard from day one, I have to admit. I can't tell if he's gotten worse since then or if this is how he always was...

I tend to believe our desire to nurture people gets us if we don't watch it. We think, "Oh, he's hurting...I'll help him, I'll make it all better." when that can't be done in most cases. You can't change someone if they aren't willing to change and how many people like that are really willing to change a thing about themselves? My Dad would rather change everyone around him because he's already "perfect".

There's fear as well, a biggie. I know my Mom fears being on her own as she's been with him since she was 18, she doesn't know how to take care of herself and he's beaten it into her that she can't learn. She can, she's just too afraid to which hurts...she's wasting her life away.
Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. My mom stayed in an abusive relationship with my dad too. Are there still kids around? ...if you don't mind my asking, of course. :smile:
 
  • #17
No, that's quite alright.:smile: I'll be 18 in August and my brother just turned 15 so we aren't little kids...but my Mom has been using us as an excuse ever since we were born.:smile: "I'll leave him when the kids are all grown up." Well, Mommy, kid number one is planning on attempting to leave the house as soon as she can while kid number two?... Eh, you'll be lucky if he gets out of high school.:-p
 
  • #18
I was actually going to suggest that, rather than providing an excuse to stay, having children involved in the relationship could give her a reason to leave -- and make it easier for others to intervene. I can't imagine that not being a negative environment for someone to grow up in. But, yeah, I guess if she feels helpless without him, taking the kids and leaving probably didn't seem like an option. I certianly understand your wanting to leave (I remember counting the days until I turned 16), but I hope you don't give up on them after you're gone. :smile: You making it on your own may even inspire your mom. And I realize your dad is like the 'bad guy', but I think the bad guys usually aren't happy either. Anywho, if you ever want to talk, let off steam, or anything, feel free to PM me anytime. :smile:

How's your brother? Is he not doing so well?
 
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