- #1
MightyG
- 9
- 0
a perpetual motion machine that will work...
A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new
scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner:
Subject: Perpetual Motion
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of
toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is
then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning
inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they
could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.
... and then this mail got this reply from one of the readers
I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the
buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered
side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well
with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast -
and butter the cats.
Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and
butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for
carpet.
Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple
formula:
p = s * t(t)/t(c)
where p is the probability of carpet impact s is the "stain" value of
the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the
toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala,
for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is
zero.
t(c) and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value
of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of
the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a
permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.
So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if
you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact
this
combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability
of a cat landing on its feet.
Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain
to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast
as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash
resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting
accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have
happened if their party was in power as there would have been more
investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the
interests, not only of public safety but also public sanity, if the
buttered-toast-on-cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail
powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail
made from white shag pile carpet.
A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new
scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner:
Subject: Perpetual Motion
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of
toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is
then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning
inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they
could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.
... and then this mail got this reply from one of the readers
I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the
buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered
side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well
with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast -
and butter the cats.
Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and
butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for
carpet.
Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple
formula:
p = s * t(t)/t(c)
where p is the probability of carpet impact s is the "stain" value of
the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the
toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala,
for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is
zero.
t(c) and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value
of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of
the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a
permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.
So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if
you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact
this
combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability
of a cat landing on its feet.
Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain
to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast
as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash
resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting
accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have
happened if their party was in power as there would have been more
investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the
interests, not only of public safety but also public sanity, if the
buttered-toast-on-cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail
powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail
made from white shag pile carpet.
