Are You Tired of Being the Go-To Friend for Relationship Problems?

[Physics is Phun]

I'm always the freaking come to guy for most of the girls i know. I don't want to hear anymore freaking problem about the guys that they like or don't like, or aren't sure if they like.

What makes them think that I would rather talk about the guys they want to be with then actually being with them
I'm just sick of it, no one EVER likes ME.

 

[check]

See, the problem is that you've fallen into the trap of 'friendom'. We've all been there… heck, some of us still are. If you're really interested in a girl don't wait TOO long to tell her otherwise you’ll lose any chance you might have with her. And even if at one point early on in your friendship might have considered going beyond just being friends with you, because you hadn’t made a move they might just have assumed you weren’t interested like that and would find it really hard to like you again in that way. You’re other problem is that you’re helping them out too much. They appreciate you as a friend for your advice and sensitivity but deep down they don’t want a nice sensitive guy. They want a jerk. Why else do see so many girls with guys who treat them like crap and keep on going for the same type of guy?

 

[hypatia]

The girls know a kind heart, and its not a bad quality. In time someone will love you for it. Just keep being you.

 

[cronxeh]

dont settle for being just friends if u want to be more than just friends.

 

[FredGarvin]

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Tell them to take a flying leap. Tell them you are more than an emotional dishrag they whip out everytime they make a mess. That's what Oprah and the Lifetime channel are for.

As a side note, the whole "I'll be friends with her first and then she'll fall for me because we're such good friends" angle NEVER works.

 

[Lisa!]

I don't know, perhaps you're too nice to them. They can't see you because they think they already have you. So they might want to see if they can find a better 1. Being alittle rude to people isn't bad all the time. I mean they want to talk to you about their kind of man, ok you start talking about your kind of woman as well or tell them you have other important things to do now and might listen to them later. :zzz:
Anyway I guess as they grow up they value your kindness more.

 

[jhe1984]

yeah - it's not necessarily being rude. it's acting like you couldn't give a damn (or simply not giving a damn).

but yeah, I've got the shirt too. the good news is it comes in a lot of sizes and colors.

 

[Lisa!]

But of course I should add that that's not a good to show that you don't give a damn to it. Perhaps it causes he even lose his friendship with those girls. You must show that you might want to be more than a friend to them.( forget about my previous post. It doesn't work well)
You know when I talk to a man about other men and he doesn't show any emotions(like feeling a bit jealous ) that means he doesn't think of me as a person who want to date. Perhaps it's better to listen to them but don't saty quiet and not comment. Act like what she's saying make you think of whether you're close to what she wants or not.

 

[Physics is Phun]

hmm, tell me more about this shirt

Ok, so basically, I have to stop being nice, and stop acting interested in the girls I'm interested in... makes sense

Ok, well, I'm more just trying to plan for the future girls i meet, cause currently, all my girl friends I have been friends way too long with to do anything about. There's only two girls that I've met in the last month now (and am friends with) Now that I've gotten to know the one, she is way too f'ed up to even consider being with. and the other I work with on a co-op job. Her I could still see something happening with... potentially... maybe...possibly

thanks guys/gals

 

[wolram]

I'm always the freaking come to guy for most of the girls i know. I don't want to hear anymore freaking problem about the guys that they like or don't like, or aren't sure if they like.

What makes them think that I would rather talk about the guys they want to be with then actually being with them
I'm just sick of it, no one EVER likes ME.

You are best off without them, they are a totally strange off shoot of man, the first guy that understands the multiple female mind will be rich beyond his dreams, the thing is, you can not do without them

 

[Lisa!]

hmm, tell me more about this shirt

Ok, so basically, I have to stop being nice, and stop acting interested in the girls I'm interested in... makes sense

No, be nice but not too nice! Let them know you might want to date them not only meet them as a friend! (Does anyone understand what I said because I can't get it either! )

 

[ComputerGeek]

No, be nice but not too nice! Let them know you might want to date them not only meet them as a friend! (Does anyone understand what I said because I can't get it either! )

Yes, early on, say "hey, you want to go out to a <insert activity that invovles communication.. i.e. NOT the movies>"

and the "go out" part is important because it is a hint that you want to date.

if you had a good time and chated the time away on that first time out, ask her if you can take her to dinner next time (when you are saying good night to her). that is more serious and it will more formaly cement in her mind the direction that you are heading with her. If she is interested in you in a more romantic way, then she will accept, if not, you will get the kind faced let down... big deal.

also, make sure not to load on to much or your ego so if you do fall on your face it does not damage you so much.

oh, and remember to relax before going out on the town with her... being axious is not a plus for a woman.

 

[Igor_S]

BTW,welcome to the "friends" club, Physics is Phun !

This is, IMO, very important:

No, be nice but not too nice! Let them know you might want to date them not only meet them as a friend!

But, for example, it might not work (my own experience) doing it like this:

Yes, early on, say "hey, you want to go out to a <insert activity that invovles communication.. i.e. NOT the movies>"

and the "go out" part is important because it is a hint that you want to date.

This IS a HINT to any person relying on logic, intelligence, etc... but then again this is not always the case. What I did then is just asked directly... I used this almost always as a desparate final attempt , and no surprise here, it led to a failure in 100% of the cases.

Might be my bad luck, because one of the girl actually said something like "thanks for asking, but I'm not interested. anyway, nice approach, not many have the courage to ask this directly". So in my opinion, it probably depends from person to person. Let's name her Lisa [*] for the purpose of this text, I'll make a reference to her later, so that's why I needed a name.

Like some people here said (I think it will sound more important if I repeat one more time :), don't wait too long (like I did, for example), otherwise you are just digging yourself in a very deep hole... deeper and deeper and deeper with every day, until one day you are so deep, there is no way to come out. So then you have to restart over, which is really not cool. From your story it sounds you are "The Digger" (but hey, it seems we aren't the only one ).

Let's get back to the "Lisa". When I asked a friend to give me her phone number, he said (OMG, this will sound a little weird in english!) "OK, but can you wait for a few days? I really like her and I've been 'preparing' her for over a month now. So if I fail, you can call her or send her a message.". I agreed, we both failed, but that's not the point. Can you recognize my friend ? Yep, he is also "The Digger". Luckily, I didn't throw away so much time on her, trying to avoid any unneccessary "digging".

---

[*] Disclaimer: All names used in this text are purely fictional. Any resemblence any of these names have with other real life or forum persons is purely coincidental. :)

 

[arildno]

Don't act like you haven't got a dick between your legs!
From what you say, you sound like a confidante, rather than a confidant.
Girls have girlfriends for that. Show that you are a boy, be a lot more clear in your signals about who you might actually be interested in for your own sake.

 

[cronxeh]

I say you need to whip out some kohones and show her the alpha male is up in this mofo. Confidence is better than bluffing - it works, and it works damn well on females. Come up to any prospective chick and get to know her - not trying to impress her, but scan and profile her to see if you are interested. Remember - the guy picks, but the girl chooses. Your next step is to show her you are interested (verbally/physically/etc) and find out her response. And for the love of Y chromosome, don't ever be shy.

 

[Mk]

whip out some kohones and show her the alpha male is up in this mofo.

Come again?

I'm sick of being the come to guy

Well make your self the come with guy.

 

[jhe1984]

"" ["Quote: I'm sick of being the come to guy]

Well make yourself the come with guy. ""

Nevermind, I'll just sit this one out.
---- A Dirty Joke.

 

[franznietzsche]

I'm always the freaking come to guy for most of the girls i know. I don't want to hear anymore freaking problem about the guys that they like or don't like, or aren't sure if they like.

What makes them think that I would rather talk about the guys they want to be with then actually being with them
I'm just sick of it, no one EVER likes ME.

Uh, because you keep acting like a girl? Hence why they come to you as if you were just another one of their girlfriends?

Sorry, but I'm tired of people whining about this because they don't get it.

 

[Lisa!]

Franz, men are better gfs for women than girls! They're more symathetic.

[*] Disclaimer: All names used in this text are purely fictional. Any resemblence any of these names have with other real life or forum persons is purely coincidental. :)

Don't worr! As far as I know we don't have any UN like that around here!

 

[Mk]

Sorry, but I'm tired of people whining about this because they don't get it.

It is sometimes difficult to understand the inner workings of the mind of another species.

 

[franznietzsche]

It is sometimes difficult to understand the inner workings of the mind of another species.

You mean those humans? yeah I don't get them. They're so...unpredictable. There should be a law against that.

 

[Mk]

And they always want to talk to you. And they know too much pop culture. And they draw well. And they cry too much. If you ask if they are ok, they will always respond "I'm fine," then soon cry. And they don't like loud music. And they complain about the toilet seat. And they want you to pick up your socks. And sometimes they say they do all the work, even though you have to go to your job all day, then get home and help around the house. And they won't have sex on command. (I learned all of these the hard way, as most of us do.)

 

[Lisa!]

If you ask if they are ok, they will always respond "I'm fine," then soon cry.

Crying do wonders. It seems that most of men can's stand women's cry and do their best to solve her problem in order to shut her up. But Unfortunately I can't cry in front of others. I don't like others pity me or think I'm weak!

 

[Mk]

Crying do wonders. It seems that most of men can's stand women's cry and do their best to solve her problem in order to shut her up. But Unfortunately I can't cry in front of others. I don't like others pity me or think I'm weak!

Godammit, how manipulating. I got to get them back! How? HOW??!

Yeah, I can't cry in front of others either, I wish more women would think like you.

I am reminded of Magnum P.I., one of my favorite shows! Magnum was a sucker for crying girls. When narrating, he said it everytime one of them would start to cry. "I'm a sucker for crying, but..." Egads!

 

[Lisa!]

Godammit, how manipulating. I got to get them back! How? HOW??!

Actually I don't think women break to tears because they want to take advantages of others especially men. You know women are weaker than men and they want to get rid of negative feelings by crying. Sometimes they even want to control themselves and not cry but they can't. Crying help them to feel better and more relaxed. It's not bad anyway. I guess these women are normal and more healthier than those women who can't cry so often. and you know when you help them out, you feel better about yourself.(perhaps feeling that you're superior to them and they need you! )

Yeah, I can't cry in front of others either, I wish more women would think like you.

People who don't know me long enough think that I'm heartless or not sensitive enough, although I am sensitive even more than enugh!
Anyway I was the same way at first and cried alot! Then I decided not to be that way anymore. It was really difficult and took a long time, but I managed it anyway. Bad or good I'm not going to change anything!

 

[Mk]

Actually I don't think women break to tears because they want to take advantages of others especially men. You know women are weaker than men and they want to get rid of negative feelings by crying. Sometimes they even want to control themselves and not cry but they can't. Crying help them to feel better and more relaxed. It's not bad anyway. I guess these women are normal and more healthier than those women who can't cry so often. and you know when you help them out, you feel better about yourself.(perhaps feeling that you're superior to them and they need you! )

Well I guess that is a good way to look at it (even though you needn't add in those extra comments).

People who don't know me long enough think that I'm heartless or not sensitive enough, although I am sensitive even more than enugh!
Anyway I was the same way at first and cried alot! Then I decided not to be that way anymore. It was really difficult and took a long time, but I managed it anyway. Bad or good I'm not going to change anything!

Its all in the attitude!

 

[___]

Been throught this and wore 16 different t-shirts...

 

[franznietzsche]

Crying do wonders. It seems that most of men can's stand women's cry and do their best to solve her problem in order to shut her up. But Unfortunately I can't cry in front of others. I don't like others pity me or think I'm weak!

Pulling that kind of crap is a one way ticket out of my life. I can't stand it when women try that. Oh, and the "If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you because you should know"? Yeah, good bye and good riddance. I'm so sick of that kind of juvenile behavoir, I have better things to do than waste my time dealing with it.

 

[judi6070]

Girls (well me at least) like to know that they have someone that they can talk to. Yes, we do have girlfriends for that, but sometimes you just can't talk to girls. Sometimes it is just easier to talk to guys. Guys are definitely easier to live with sometimes.

Yeah i admit that I am an emotional person, but if I am crying, its usually for a very good reason. Not all girls use the waterworks as a manipulation tool!

 

[JasonRox]

Girls want guys who are nice and open sexually too.

That's what I think.

I found that guys that a too nice never get the girl because they are always worried about complimenting the girl in the right way and respectful way. Sometimes girls want to feel sexy, so when that is the time (which happens often enough), tell them they look nice. If they like you and know that, tell her she's hot, but in a less direct way.

 

[The_Professional]

Actually I don't think women break to tears because they want to take advantages of others especially men. You know women are weaker than men and they want to get rid of negative feelings by crying.

Physically, guys are stronger. But in relationships, guess who gets rid of the guy 90 percent of the time? you're not the weaker sex.

 

[Moonbear]

yeah - it's not necessarily being rude. it's acting like you couldn't give a damn (or simply not giving a damn).

but yeah, I've got the shirt too. the good news is it comes in a lot of sizes and colors.

That shirt comes in women's sizes too. In high school, all the guys I had crushes on would come to me for advice about the girls they wanted to date...of course that was never me.

 

[Igor_S]

That shirt comes in women's sizes too. In high school, all the guys I had crushes on would come to me for advice about the girls they wanted to date...of course that was never me.

Uhh that sucks . BTW, in my high school class we didn't have ANY girls, so none was dissappointed.

 

[Lisa!]

Uhh that sucks . BTW, in my high school class we didn't have ANY girls, so none was dissappointed.

your classmates weren't suffering from depression?

 

[Mk]

Pulling that kind of crap is a one way ticket out of my life. I can't stand it when women try that. Oh, and the "If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you because you should know"? Yeah, good bye and good riddance. I'm so sick of that kind of juvenile behavoir, I have better things to do than waste my time dealing with it.

Oh my god I hate that! I'm always like what the ****!?? Tell me what I did wrong so I can say I'm sorry!

Uhh that sucks . BTW, in my high school class we didn't have ANY girls, so none was dissappointed.

Yeah, you had to settle for the transvestites.

 

[franznietzsche]

Girls (well me at least) like to know that they have someone that they can talk to. Yes, we do have girlfriends for that, but sometimes you just can't talk to girls. Sometimes it is just easier to talk to guys. Guys are definitely easier to live with sometimes.

Yeah i admit that I am an emotional person, but if I am crying, its usually for a very good reason. Not all girls use the waterworks as a manipulation tool!

I've never met one that hasn't used them. Or worse. But I'm terribly jaded and bitter. Don't listen to me.

Oh my god I hate that! I'm always like what the ****!?? Tell me what I did wrong so I can say I'm sorry!

I now default to the interpretation that when they pull that crap, I haven't done anything wrong, rather they've done something wrong and are trying to cover it up by putting me on the defensive. Which gets them a quick boot out the door. I have no patience or tolerance for people anymore. No wonder I'm single.

 

[jimmy p]

Call me a bully, but making girls cry is great. Especially if you can stay level headed. There was a lot of satisfaction when I argued with my then girlfriend and she cried. And when I broke up with her.

"Frankly my dear, I don't care about you".

Oh yes, how smooth am I?

However when women cry for another reason, it is SO frustrating.

Anyway, deja vu anyone? This reminds me of a thread a LONG time ago

 

[Lisa!]

Geez! we were here to help this guy and now we are only talking about our own concerns! Not bad anyway since it teaches him how to be jerk!

I've never met one that hasn't used them. Or worse. But I'm terribly jaded and bitter. Don't listen to me.

I now default to the interpretation that when they pull that crap, I haven't done anything wrong, rather they've done something wrong and are trying to cover it up by putting me on the defensive. Which gets them a quick boot out the door. I have no patience or tolerance for people anymore. No wonder I'm single.

 

[George Jones]

This "friends" thing you used to bother me a lot. It seemed that the girls in whom I really was interested just wanted me as a friend, and the girls who really showed interest in me, I just wanted as friends.

Years ago, I went to a mall with one such female "friend", and, before I realized what has happening, I found myself in a wedding dress store with her. Yikes!

But there is hope! I am now happily married.

Regards,
George

 

[judi6070]

Call me a bully, but making girls cry is great. Especially if you can stay level headed. There was a lot of satisfaction when I argued with my then girlfriend and she cried. And when I broke up with her.

"Frankly my dear, I don't care about you".

Oh yes, how smooth am I?

However when women cry for another reason, it is SO frustrating.

Anyway, deja vu anyone? This reminds me of a thread a LONG time ago

WOW! I think I AM going to call you a bully! Making a hobby of making girls cry is kinda harsh! May I suggest a new hobby?

 

[jimmy p]

It isn't a hobby. Just a talent I have. I'm a heartbreaker, what can I say. Please suggest a new hobby!

 

[Lisa!]

It isn't a hobby. Just a talent I have. I'm a heartbreaker, what can I say. Please suggest a new hobby!

Growing up?

 

[Igor_S]

Yeah, you had to settle for the transvestites.

Nope, we didn't have them either. But it was a fun class though.

Jimmy, LOL!

 

[jimmy p]

Growing up?

Surely you can't have forgotten our little discussion about maturity. I'm the real-life Peter Pan. Except my arch-nemesis doesn't have a hook. He thought that was too cliche. Plus he isn't a captain, and his surname isn't Hook. Makes sense when you think about it...

 

[Physics is Phun]

tell her she's hot, but in a less direct way

for instance...?

 

[The_Professional]

Going back to the topic, you want to get the chicks? go up on open mic night and be the comedian. Guys onstage are irresistible to chicks. If you aint the clown then you're the fool.

 

[Lisa!]

Surely you can't have forgotten our little discussion about maturity. I'm the real-life Peter Pan. Except my arch-nemesis doesn't have a hook. He thought that was too cliche. Plus he isn't a captain, and his surname isn't Hook. Makes sense when you think about it...

Nope, I've not! But that wasn't the case.
Anyway I don't feel bad about your little hobby!

 

[Chronos]

What's with the ulterior motives? . . . Let her cry [Hootie]. . . Isn't that why you have shoulders? Perhaps she was just looking for a friend to . . . lean on [James Brown].

 

[jimmy p]

If you aint the clown then you're the fool.

Is that... is that you Mr. T?

 

[Mk]

Hey! I'm Mr. T.! IMPOSTER!