Are you willing to change for social acceptance?

[sean1234]

Directly on the matter of physical appearance-how other people interpret you, judge you- to what extent are you willing to alter yourself to meet their approval? I ask this as I have a personal issue such that receives ridicule from some who feel the need to do so. It is something that I could change, through the work of modern medicine, yet I wonder why I would go to such extents to please the people I despise. I feel resolved to be myself yet I am bothered by what I am.

 

[Gokul43201]

As long as you are in no risk of harm from these people, don't even give it a second thought.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I feel resolved to be myself yet I am bothered by what I am.

What are you?

 

[sean1234]

We all seek approval from others in some form or another. I want to not be bothered by people; not waste my mind with negative thoughts; not feel depressed at times, angry at others; not be posting this- that is the harm I suppose that is placed upon me.

 

[moose]

Are you saying that you just don't want to be self-conscious anymore?

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

How old are you?

 

[trajan22]

I think it all depends on you, is it something you would like to live with for the rest of your life?

 

[sean1234]

I recognize that my difference is unusual and others I trust have concurred. When I rationally think about it I realize the matter is quite trivial, that is the actual physical issue itself. It is not my obsession with this difference, but rather what bothers me is how some people react to it.

To think that if I changed myself here I would then go on to find something else problematic with my body is wrong. I am preoccupied by the reaction of others, not by my physical appearance.I am 23.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

What is the risk to benefit ratio? What is the worst thing that could happen if you did this? How significant would this change be to your life?

 

[moose]

Is it a complicated procedure? How much would it cost financially?

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

First question, what is it? This is the anonymous medium of the internet, I doubt anyone here would particularly be bothered judging by some of the freaky people that haunt PF

If it's a minor physical blemish, or something obvious but not major, do what Ivan said: you could always try to overcome your insecurity about the issue as well, but it's your choice.

 

[cristo]

If it's something that you want to change, soley for the purpose of trying to stop people from ridiculing you, then no, you should not do it, whatever it is!

However, if it's something you want to do for *you* and think it will give you more self confidence, or generally help you, then I wouldn't see a problem. Although, I can't be sure, since you haven't said what it is!

 

[Astronuc]

I subscribe to the philosophy of WYSIWYG.

 

[hypatia]

If I were bothered with peoples reactions to me, I would change myself. More so, if it were a easy fix, with minimum risk.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

If it's more than proper grooming, dress, or appropriate physical activity to ensure my health they could kiss all 4 cheeks and take all day doing it. If you aren't liked now, what makes you think they would like you if you changed? Some people just enjoy being able to manipulate others to their liking.

 

[J77]

I wear glasses to make me look more clever.

If I was a goth I'd change to go down the shops

 

[Chi Meson]

Hypothetical situation:

If I had a mole on my face (which I actually do) that was large and unsightly (which it isn't), I think I would rather it was not there. I would opt for the simple surgical procedure to remove it.

Such a "blemish" should not be misconstrued as a negative aspect of one's appearence, but in truth it is (even by those who mean well and think better than most). Such "blemishes" not negetives, but they are also not positives.

If you don't like the way your hair looks, you can change it, and such cosmetic procedures are considered normal. The cumulative price of keeping you hair in a state that is "attractive" to other people (insert your own word for "attractive") is probably much greater than the cost of the single surgical procedure that takes care of minor "blemishes."

("blemish" is in quotes in an attempt to remove any negative sense associated with the word)

Note, we still have no idea what the situation is.

 

[Pyrrhus]

When you interact with the world, you change. Either by experiences coming from being with people, reading, listening to music, etc... Taking what you liked from those interactions. This could affect your style, expectations, etc...

If you feel you would want that changed, then go for it (although i don't know how risky the procedure is, else it'll depend on what you consider a risk). If you want to change something, because someone else is telling you to, don't go for it. You'll probably end up regretting the change.

 

[Chi Meson]

After re-reading the OP, I'm assuming that it is not minor surgery, but medication that would remedy the condition. This makes the matter a bit more cloudy for me, since it would require an ongoing chemical modification. I'd really need more information in order to give an opinion of any validity.

 

[sean1234]

The issue is "excessive" hair on my face. I have had blood tests done and there is no problem internally. The issue is fine, not really long only a few mm, somewhat dense hair on my cheeks and temples. I can shave it but it makes it look worse and waxing it makes it grow in faster, thicker. For reasons unknown to me at times it gets worse than others.

The procedure involves a laser and burning the hair follicle. It would cost maybe 2,000 total (I don't really care about this so much). The possible side effects are scarring, though rare, and it may not even work altogether. Another thing I learned is that recent research has determined hair cells play an important role in healing damaged skin tissue.

The "problem" began my second year of college and I really am quite disappointed and embarrassed by the some in the human race. When you get people snickering at you or making comments just loud enough for you to hear, is it very difficult. I don't take it as bad now as I once did, but it still bothers me. I am an otherwise attractive, athletic person with this on top of it, maybe making it more humorous for some.

A few responses have stated I should divorce myself from them. But I think this will make me more disenchanted, and troubled in the end since it really is impossible to ignore or block out the issue, without disassociating from reality.

I probably should talk to a professional but I can't really afford it. Thanks for reading anyway.

 

[Kurdt]

I think people who place importance on physical appearance over the person themselves are really not worth knowing. If you get the procedure done whatever it may be then they have won and that's something I personally would never give them the satisfaction of. If you crave the acceptance and friendship of these people then I given their shallow nature I wouldn't count on that friendship being nothing more than a means to their own ends.

That of course is my own personal opinion and if you do decide to change yourself just make sure you know what you're doing.

 

[Chi Meson]

While I agree with Kurdt's philosophy, one must recognize that it is easier to say from the point of view of one who does not have to live with the ramifications. If it were me, I'd do the procedure.

 

[JasonRox]

While I agree with Kurdt's philosophy, one must recognize that it is easier to say from the point of view of one who does not have to live with the ramifications. If it were me, I'd do the procedure.

I agree too.

I have a hearing aid to wear, and sometimes I feel uncomfortable with it. Not really though. But I do enjoy longer hair because it hides it better.

Physical appearance is important. To say it's not is kind of silly. I don't place that much importance compared to others, but it's definitely on the list somewhere.

 

[verty]

I would not indulge in false hope. Having less hair on your face will not make you popular or whatever. People that weren't worth knowing will still not be worth knowing. The ones worth knowing are those who can see past it. If you get it done, do it for you and you alone.

If you choose not to, you can still do everything else that there is to do, like dressing smartly and being athletic and all that.

 

[Astronuc]

The issue is "excessive" hair on my face. I have had blood tests done and there is no problem internally. The issue is fine, not really long only a few mm, somewhat dense hair on my cheeks and temples. I can shave it but it makes it look worse and waxing it makes it grow in faster, thicker. For reasons unknown to me at times it gets worse than others.

There is no such thing as 'excessive' hair on the face! I should know.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

What % of people get scarring? If it is going to make you happier and more confident, go for it!

 

[Moonbear]

The issue is "excessive" hair on my face. I have had blood tests done and there is no problem internally. The issue is fine, not really long only a few mm, somewhat dense hair on my cheeks and temples. I can shave it but it makes it look worse and waxing it makes it grow in faster, thicker. For reasons unknown to me at times it gets worse than others.

Are you female that "excess" facial hair is a concern? Or is it growing outside the region where beards normally grow on men? In men, facial hair will grow a bit faster when anticipating a date (or other activities associated with dating) due to a slight rise in testosterone. In women, a number of gynecologic or endocrine disorders can lead to hirsutism (excess hair), and it wouldn't be surprising for this to vary with time of the menstrual cycle. It can also be a genetic "disorder."

Whether it's something that bothers you enough to want to undergo the expense of permanently having it removed is something only you can decide. If you consider the cost over your lifetime of waxing or depilatories (have you tried those yet?), the cost of a one-time procedure may not be that bad. On the other hand, you have to decide if the risk of scarring is worth it to you, especially if hair on your face is already enough to make you feel self-conscious.

 

[Kurdt]

Physical appearance is important. To say it's not is kind of silly. I don't place that much importance compared to others, but it's definitely on the list somewhere.

Physical appearance is important but that does not make it right. People are contained within personalities and not aesthetically pleasing bodies. Anybody who believes otherwise has my pity.

 

[Cyrus]

Physical appearance is important but that does not make it right. People are contained within personalities and not aesthetically pleasing bodies. Anybody who believes otherwise has my pity.

People judge each other based on physical apperance all the time. You do it every single day, weither you like to admit it or not.

 

[Kurdt]

The condition of being human allows one to see past physical appearance. I admit that everyone has an initial reaction to other peoples physical appearance but surely we're evolved enough to take a more logical approach. Its really not that difficult.

 

[Cyrus]

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes down to the bone.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

People judge each other based on physical apperance all the time. You do it every single day, weither you like to admit it or not.

Indeed but then I don't go round sniggering about it like a little girl. I also have an ability to override first impressions which comes with a common sense approach to social encounters.

Sean I'd say you just ignore the people making fun, if you get annoyed or talk to them about it, they'll probably get a rise out of you, which is what they're looking for,some kids are purile idiots. Be the bigger man, and take it on the chin, then if you feel later that you'd like to get treatment when you can afford it so be it. Adversity breeds character, it may seem like a big deal now, but it really isn't.

 

[mathwonk]

i thought you meant something like, would i change from math to physics to be more popular!

 

[JasonRox]

The condition of being human allows one to see past physical appearance. I admit that everyone has an initial reaction to other peoples physical appearance but surely we're evolved enough to take a more logical approach. Its really not that difficult.

I guess you control your own subconscious thoughs.

 

[Kurdt]

I guess you control your own subconscious thoughs.

I didn't say we could stop initial reactions. Its not about controlling the subconscious, its more about consciously deciding to ignore your preconceptions.

 

[gravenewworld]

The biggest thing you can do that will have the most impact (other than plastic surgery) would be to dress nicely and be well groomed. Remember, most communication between you and a total stranger is NON verbal (probably 80%). What you wear and how you present yourself says a huge amount on your behalf. My best frined works in intelligence in the Marine Corps, and one of the first things he evaluates on a mark is what they are wearing. Well dressed people always turn heads, whether we like to admit it or not.

 

[Mk]

I agree. Stay clean, avoid being "unkempt," and dress well. Having a nice car is very good :)