Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons who, grumpy, after a long, sleepless night trying, without success, to salvage his essentially meaningless "Shark's Q'tip" metaphore, came to the decision, for reasons only understandable to the mind of one who could put such extended thought into the subject of tortoises wiping themselves, to ask this oblique quetion:
...but wait, what had happened here?

Given the ambiguity of the evidence presented, any specific retort would be wild speculation. I would rather present an expression of hope that the character on the bicycle experienced an epiphany of some sort amounting to the realization that a "funny" thread on a public internet forum should not be confused with an opportunity to engage in not-so-thinly-veiled, somehat uncomfortably direct, man-on-an-analyst's-couch, freeform, monologising about personal problems which readers are in no position to address in any usefull manner under the circumstances, and who wish things could just go back to being whacky and careless here, there being many other locations for every nature of intense and serious discussion of authentic problems.

So, while you are waiting for Godot:

If this had been an actual emergency you should:

A. Burn the bicycle at the stake?

B. Place it in a crate and ship it to Batelles for efficiency testing?

C. Harness it to tortoises for a tow back to the Yukon?

E. Look up the word "sesquepedalian" in the Oxford English Dictionary?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
A. Burn the bicycle at the stake?

B. Place it in a crate and ship it to Batelles for efficiency testing?

C. Harness it to tortoises for a tow back to the Yukon?

E. Look up the word "sesquepedalian" in the Oxford English Dictionary?

F. explain to the self-inflated respondant that although he accuses of "too much time" to the other side, he too seems to have all the same amount of time, and uses his life experaince, oooop nay has none, otherwise he would have been able to discern the difference 'twixts people like him, and myself. After all, me engaging in any work, in this country, would be paramount to me paying taxes to the Facist who oppresses me, (how stupid is that?? or better put how stupid is the one who recomends that?? but I digress) and that is about as anti-democratic as one can possible get, (but he is an American what does he know about democracy??) so I would continue to venture forth, and include whatever I possible can to get a laugh (if possible) and including maligning myself, as I have in the past, but not maligning others (to severely) as it just isn't funny, as exemplified by the above posting.

Would you feed the hand that bites you?

EDIT Changed the quention! lOOk! over there!----------->>>

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Would you feed the hand that bites you?

It's funny you should ask that quetion because I can't really think of a horror movie that included the device of a hand with teeth, a biting hand. It seems that they've thought of just about everything, but that has never come up.Once when I was at my villa in Italia, I overheard one of the servants saying to himself: "Nell'aria fredda della notte scura il mio spirito e invincible." At which, I had to chuckle, and say to myself, "Yeah, you wish." Given the facts of this anecdote how do you suppose Arnold Schwarzenegger won the election?

 

[sandinmyears]

Do you think "Edelweiss" will become the new state song/anthem?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Once when I was at my villa in Italia, I overheard one of the servants saying to himself: "Nell'aria fredda della notte scura il mio spirito e invincible." At which, I had to chuckle, and say to myself, "Yeah, you wish." Given the facts of this anecdote how do you suppose Arnold Schwarzenegger won the election?

Coupled with;

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Do you think "Edelweiss" will become the new state song/anthem?

Well the second quention answers the first quention, by way of an answer derived from the first quention's riddle, that isn't answered by the answer to the second question, but by an answer that comes from the answer to the second question, that answers the first quention's answer, by reference to the responce of the answer's quention.

Got that?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Got that?

Got milk. Haven't got that.If Peter pecker pricked a peck of pickle pickers, how many years would he get?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If Peter pecker pricked a peck of pickle pickers, how many years would he get?

Time served, and about five years less then the person who dreamed up the question.

If you were traveling in outer space, and something happened, what was it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If you were traveling in outer space, and something happened, what was it?

I wouldn't mind being in space right now. In space I couldn't hear you get your tenses mixed up.Now that Arnold S. is Governor of the state of California do you think we'll be seceding from the Union?

 

[sandinmyears]

ALTERNATIVE ANSWER:

Time served, and about five years less then the person who dreamed up the question.

Q: If you were traveling in outer space, and something happened, what was it?

A: If I were to serve time, outer space would be the space to do it where time has no meaning.
______________________________________________________________________

Now that Arnold S. is Governor of the state of California do you think we'll be seceding from the Union?

A: If you resign from the union, you may find yourself in the same predicament as Jimmy Hoffa. :D

Q: When all it said and done and fought and tried to all avail,
Do you keep on pushing, fighting, trying, or give in and vote for Dan Quayle?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Origianlly posted by sandinmyears
Q: When all it said and done and fought and tried to all avail,
Do you keep on pushing, fighting, trying, or give in and vote for Dan Quayle?

Well, being from Canada, Yeah sure!

If trying, and fighting, and effort and everything you do/try doesn't work, why is it that then, and only then, nOt trying, is the thing to try?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If trying, and fighting, and effort and everything you do/try doesn't work, why is it that then, and only then, nOt trying, is the thing to try?

You cannot try to not try without trying. Try tickling.Whyis Mr. Robin Parsons up past his bedtime?

 

[sandinmyears]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Why is Mr. Robin Parsons up past his bedtime?

A: Though robins are typically known to go to bed (and wake up) early, parsons, on the other hand, must stay up late in order to contact the members of their congregation on a regular basis.

Q: In the Guiness Book of World Records, who was the youngest person to have ever been born?

 

[photon]

qand a

They were about 2i years old. ("i" is for imaginary number.)

What does the "T" stand for in T-shirt?

 

[sandinmyears]

Originally posted by photon
What does the "T" stand for in T-shirt?

A: "T"

Q: Is it really Dolly Parton's hair that makes her "top heavy?"

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: Is it really Dolly Parton's hair that makes her "top heavy?"

PSsssst NOPE! Pssssst it's really her Brain!

Since Dolly Parton is already World ReKnown, will typing her name, here, make her even more Famous?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Since Dolly Parton is already World ReKnown, will typing her name, here, make her even more Famous?

It will, and you will be happy to know she is already on a plane on her way to Kingston to personally
thank you. (Clean up the tent!)Given the impending marriage between Dolly and Mr. Robin Parsons, won't it simply be easier for all involved for Mr. Robin Parsons to become Mr. Robin Parton than it would be for Dolly Parton to become Dolly Parsons?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
(Clean up the tent!) DONE![/color]
Given the impending marriage between Dolly and Mr. Robin Parsons, won't it simply be easier for all involved for Mr. Robin Parsons to become Mr. Robin Parton than it would be for Dolly Parton to become Dolly Parsons?

Nah, I would become Mr. Dolly Parton, and she could become Mrs. Dolly Parton!

If the situation was, somehow, rearranged such that it was actually Greg Bernhardt who was going to marry Ms. Parton, what would that result in?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the situation was, somehow, rearranged such that it was actually Greg Bernhardt who was going to marry Ms. Parton, what would that result in?

As with anyone who married her he would find himself with more than a handful to handle.Is is true that the common "June Bug" has sences which enable it to detect AM frequencies, thus accounting for its inability to demonstrate anything amounting to "skill" when it comes to landing at the end of a flight?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally postulated by zoobyshoe
Is is true that the common "June Bug" has sences which enable it to detect AM frequencies, thus accounting for its inability to demonstrate anything amounting to "skill" when it comes to landing at the end of a flight?

Well while reading the latest edition of "The Ontological Musings of The Temporally Neophytic vernal Flying Insect" I came across the quotation of the premature Author ranting something along the lines of enjoying the cronings of people like Conway Twitty, The Melodies of J. Cash, the tunes of a Ms. Dolly Parton as well, but some aside notation of him clamouring about a friend of his, who, apparently was born with crossed antennae, and seems to be under the impression that he is about to come into a small horde of Human possessions, a truck, a house, a guitar, a wife, a dog, a tractor, that kind of stuff, so who knows?

Well then, that does beg the question, Who knows?

 

[sandinmyears]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...seems to be under the impression that he is about to come into a small horde of Human possessions, a truck, a house, a guitar, a wife, a dog, a tractor, that kind of stuff, so who knows?

Well then, that does beg the question, Who knows?

A: I fail to find the question you are begging.

Q: If E(minor) is the relative minor to G(major); A(minor) is the relative minor to C(major); and D(minor) is the relative minor to F(major); then according to Einstein's theory of relativity, what key should Dolly Parton be singing in if her bra cup side is a "Double D"?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by sandinmyears Q: If E(minor) is the relative minor to G(major); A(minor) is the relative minor to C(major); and D(minor) is the relative minor to F(major); then according to Einstein's theory of relativity, what key should Dolly Parton be singing in if her bra cup side is a "Double D"?

One doesn't need relativity to know that as long as she is wearing a Well-Tempered Brassiere her singing will sound good in all keys.They say Bach had 21 children because his organ had no stops.
Others have suggested he had an instinct for choosing wives who never suffered from headaches. What is the real reason behind his prolificity?

 

[FZ+]

Bach was an early pioneer of Everett's many worlds theory, and hence was able to exploit loopholes in the laws of the universe to "interact" briefly across universes - as long as he was really quick about it, he had all the energy for the "reactions" he required just from quantum uncertainty.

Where's the fun in that?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by FZ+ Where's the fun in that?

Well, it's counterintuitive fun.Sometime after the War of 1812 but before World War One, I found myself to be the age of fourteen., and, that being the case, I ran away from home and found employment aboard a whaler out of Falmouth, Massachusettes, USA. One day, not very far at all off the coast of Tenerife, another sailor and I were pulling the holystone back and forth across the deck scraping up the drippings from the recent tarring of the ratlines, when all of a sudden my companion in this task pinned my ears back to my scull by breaking out into a full-voiced sea chanty whose lyrics were the foulest you could imagine and whose content was the story of an imaginary unnatural relationship he proposed was taking place on a regular basis between the old man and the first mate.What do you do with a drunken sailor?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do with a drunken sailor?

Do you mean before you hijack them, to become a drunken sailor, or post hijacking, cause post hijacking is easier, push!

If the planet turns it's full circumference (~25,000 mi) in 24 hrs, (~1,100 mph) how the heck do we get twenty five time zones?, on the face of the planet?

 

[quantumdude]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the planet turns it's full circumference (~25,000 mi) in 24 hrs, (~1,100 mph) how the heck do we get twenty five time zones?, on the face of the planet?

Time is dilated at the equator. This is a well-known result of the Theory of General Triviality.

If humans weren't meant to eat animals, then why are animals made of meat?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Tom If humans weren't meant to eat animals, then why are animals made of meat?

We cannot eat animals because they have a face. You cannot eat anything with a face. The meat at the store, is different from animal meat, because it doesn't have a face. I don't know how they get the faces onto the meat when they make it into animals, but once they do, you can't eat it.If you kidnap a kitten are you a catnapper?

 

[Doc]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe


If you kidnap a kitten are you a catnapper?

No, you just saved it from getting eaten by my dog!

If the Earth is 'fatter' around the middle (equator) then it has to be farther from the center (on average) than any other point on the planet. Why is it then that water flows towards the equator when it is clearly UP HILL?

The above question has a serious answer which I would HOPE that many of you would know. Feel free to answer it in ANY way you choose.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by The above question has a serious answer which I would HOPE that many of you would know. Feel free to answer it in ANY way you choose.

In that case let me tell you about life on my homeplanet, Zoobonia, where there is no equator. There are four magnetic poles, all in constant motion, and the axis of rotation shifts at the drop of a hat. This is why hats are outlawed. Water runs anywhere it wants there because each molecule is outfitted with its own little feet and zoobyshoes. We spend most of our time catching water. Sometimes these things we have there that are something like skunks fall into the water traps and it's very unpleasant to get them out.What's the least unpleasant way to get a zoobonian sort-of-like-a-skunk-thing out of a water trap?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by a quizical zoobonian
What's the least unpleasant way to get a zoobonian sort-of-like-a-skunk-thing out of a water trap?

Well in these kind of cuircumstances, it is best if you just leave the little sucker there till they either, die of natural causes, or leave of their own accord, as anything else you try will result in a zoobinian skunk-like-thing-a-ma-jogger spraying you completely, without remorse, with an odor that cannot be described, suffice to say it is as near lethal, as lethal can be, without being lethal.

How close can you get to lethal without being lethal?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How close can you get to lethal without being lethal?

No Zoobonian would be able to answer that quetion because on Zoobonia life and death are quantized: you're either one or the other. If a zoobie flops over and stops moving, he's dead. If he's not dead he won't flop over and stop moving.
This was a big problem for me when I first came to this planet and went big game hunting. I shot a bear and it flopped over and stopped moving. I guess you can imagine what happened nextWhat happened next?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What happened next?

It arose, and asked this stupid quention...

If a bear does "their business" in the woods, why do they keep getting those ridiculus residual cheques, from those 'toilet paper people', every week, in the mail?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If a bear does "their business" in the woods, why do they keep getting those ridiculus residual cheques, from those 'toilet paper people', every week, in the mail?

Toilet paper comes from trees. Trees are protected by Smokey The Bear who frequently cautions: "Only you can prevent forest fires!"

So these checks are under-the-table payments in remuneration for the demeaning dog-and-pony show bears are always putting on for people who come across them in the woods when they don their hats and, pretending to be Smokey, tell them not to burn the woods down.
No woods, no toilet paper. That's what the companies are up to.When bears rub their backs on trees to allieviate the terrible itching the trees are suffering in their dry, cracking bark, isn't it nice of them?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When bears rub their backs on trees to allieviate the terrible itching the trees are suffering in their dry, cracking bark, isn't it nice of them?

That's funny, and the Bears told me it was all a "Conspiracy Theory" Ha hahahahahahaahh!

If the Bears really are being nice to the trees, how is it that the trees reciprocate?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If the Bears really are being nice to the trees, how is it that the trees reciprocate?

The trees provide cover for the bears to hide behind when relieving themselves. When someone is standing behind a tree staring at it, can the tree sense it is being watched? Or can it only see out the front?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When someone is standing behind a tree staring at it, can the tree sense it is being watched? Or can it only see out the front?

The answer to the quention, can be found, simply, by standing 'Behind' a tree!

When a tree "releaves" itself in the woods, what does it use as wipe?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
When a tree "releaves" itself in the woods, what does it use as wipe?

In general I know myself not to be qualified to address Botany quetions, therefore your best bet is to call your local chapter of The Society For The Advanced Study Of Plant Excretions who, I'm sure, will be able to placate your curiosity about this.If a tree falls over in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, who is there to free the bears that get trapped by the falling tree, because they were too distracted doing their "business" to get out of the way?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a tree falls over in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, who is there to free the bears that get trapped by the falling tree, because they were too distracted doing their "business" to get out of the way?

The Society For The Advanced Study Of Plant Excretions, which is why when I called, them no one was there!

If a member of a society, isn't there, are they still a member?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
If a member of a society, isn't there, are they still a member?

To the best of my knowledge, most societies operate on the opposite of the Hotel California principle: you can leave any time you want, but you can't check out.If a bear falls over in the woods and there's no one to hear it, would the bear's own testimony as to whether it made a sound be acceptable?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a bear falls over in the woods and there's no one to hear it, would the bear's own testimony as to whether it made a sound be acceptable?

(i)D(i)Dot Typisssst here, as lawyer for the bears my client invokes his "Fifth Amendament" Rights, refuses to responce on the ground(s) of his inability to do so, and my refusal to translate anything he can, does, or might, mention to me.

*[/color] How stupid do you need to be, to write out a joke, send it to The Johnny Carson Show, only to remember, later, that the place that you learned the joke from, was watching The Johnny Carson show!??


P.S. *[/color] Actually did that!

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
*[/color] How stupid do you need to be, to write out a joke, send it to The Johnny Carson Show, only to remember, later, that the place that you learned the joke from, was watching The Johnny Carson show!??

Degree of stupidity is not the issue here. This is a matter of a very special and entertaining variety of stupidity the likes of which were not seen again till this thread.If a comedian falls over in the woods, and there's no one there to laugh at him, is it still funny?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by a rapacious zoobyshoe
If a comedian falls over in the woods, and there's no one there to laugh at him, is it still funny?

Depends upon the angle of the fall, and does he do a "tuck and roll" and most importantly, was he hit by the tree, cause YA, it's (not)[/size] funny!

If you run out of funnies, should you begin to make them up??

 

[Zargawee]

If you run out of funnies, should you begin to make them up??

Nahh , I will import them. I won't bother myself with that [zz)]

Why human can't talk to cats while cats can talk to cats ? are cats more intelligent than human ?

 

[Mattius_]

Has anyone kept up with and read everyone of these 54 pages of post?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Zargawee are cats more intelligent than human ?

Of course they are! Haven't you ever looked up to see your cat staring at you? It's like they know something!
If a cat falls over in the woods what was it doing walking on two feet in the first place?

 

[syano]

If a cat falls over in the woods what was it doing walking on two feet in the first place?

The cat was praying…it’s impossible for cats to pray without putting their two front hands together in front of their face, so they stand up to free up their hands.


Does a cat in the woods get sidetracked if it falls down in the middle of a prayer?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by syano Does a cat in the woods get sidetracked if it falls down in the middle of a prayer?

I shouldn't think so. Probably all that happens is it will go to hell.
When I was in college, back before World War One, the physics professor once delivered an extrordinary lecture on the true nature of the Aether, which he likened to a fishbowl sitting in a spring fed pool, whose surface was continually disturbed by pebbles tossed by careless children. No one had the vaguest idea what he meant. He backed it all up with formulas and even tossed pebbles at the students. Then he began plucking hairs from his beard, one by one, and holding them up for us to examine cried: "See?, See?" We all left, never returned to his lectures, and were all shocked to discover we had been given high grades when the year was over.

Given the facts of the above anecdote, if a debearded professor falls over into a spring-fed pool while clutching pebbles and crying "See?, See?" but there's no one there to hear him, does the Aether still exist?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally penned by an emotionally stable, yet pensive and curious zoobyshoe
Given the facts of the above anecdote, if a debearded professor falls over into a spring-fed pool while clutching pebbles and crying "See?, See?" but there's no one there to hear him, does the Aether still exist?

Thats hillarious, I was just havng this very debate just last week with my world reknown Ontological Professor Dr. Dot Diit. They stated that the proving of it was expletive, inasmuch as, it's obviousness was only slightly precluded by it's opacity, coupled to it's clear diaphaneous nature that provided a translucent view of the zero light value emissions that are know to occur for such and such a regions of space. Now as long as he doesn't drop the pebbles, then you will have what you saught, from the outset, but the truest of proofs is clearly inset in the bubbles of expression of proof, that is the "See See" statements, as they eminate from within the actual mediums supposed existent vacuum.

Given that strength of proof, should anyone in the entirely of the planetoidial region, decide anything other then the obvious?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Given that strength of proof, should anyone in the entirely of the planetoidial region, decide anything other then the obvious?

The answer to that leading quetion, leads me to its answer, namely: that very goal toward which the bait draws the respondant, which, in less clear terms, could be thought of as an affirmative or anti-negative conclusion. But that might be too hasty. So let me look more closely at the word obvious. Let me repeat it to myself so many times it is no longer obvious what it means, which is a meaningless way of obviating the quetion about the word obvious, a statement which means more than it sounds like it means, but I don't expect that to be obvious to anyone.What percentage of people reading that do you suppose understood it?

 

[sandinmyears]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What percentage of people reading that do you suppose understood it?

A: I'm sorry Zooby, could you please restate that? I didn't quite understand your quetion?

Q: If you pull off a flies wings, is he now a "walk?"

And no, Zooby, I didn't steal that quetion from "you know who." He stole it from me in a telepone (note the mispelling) conversation. It was mine first.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by sandinmyears
If you pull off a flies wings, is he now a "walk?"

This quetion makes assumptions about the possesive form of the word "fly" that I don't think the quetioner is qualified to make. It additionally makes assumptions about the gender of the the fly that are gratuitous, and therefore, superfluous. It also makes assumptions about the status of the fly in terms of it being living or dead. For if we start to ponder whether or not a change in its ability to fly requires a change in its name, then we might just as well ask if all non-living flies shouldn't be called "lies".If you pull the wings off a boeing 747 what do you call it?