Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by FZ+
Why do all aliens speak english?

Que? Que dices? Lo siento, no
comprendo.

When going bowling with grey space
alien companions do yours prefer
to be the pins or the balls?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
When going bowling with grey space alien companions do yours prefer to be the pins or the balls?

Ha Ha funny guy, EVERYONE KNOWS grey aliens don't bowl!

Last time I was out bowling, with the grey aliens, one of them asked me if it was possible for a human to replicate with a grey, so, is it possible?

 

[J-Man]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Last time I was out bowling, with the grey aliens, one of them asked me if it was possible for a human to replicate with a grey, so, is it possible?

No, their DNA is made of M&Ms. (The alien's DNA that is, we all know human DNA is made from cardboard.)

What would happen if I didn't ask a quetion involving aliens?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by J-Man
What would happen if I didn't ask a quetion involving aliens?

My guess is that interest in the
thread might pick up considerably,
it might return to being an ent-
tertaining game, and humanity in
general might evolve to the next
level. So everyone, please, do
your best to make sure none of
that happens.In the Jan. 2001 issue of Com-
pletely Unbiased and Documented
Ghost Stories Magazine Herb
Stillweather of Shingleshack, Iowa
reported having been visited by
the apparition of his dead ancest-
or Caleb "Injun Joe" Stillweather
who taught Herb how to tell where
to dig for underground springs
using two bent pieces of coat-
hanger and a quartz crystal sus-
pended from a silver chain. Using
these devices Herb was able to
calculate the exact number of grey
space aliens that can fit into a
phone booth after having
swallowed their capacity of gold
fish. Given these documented facts
what is the exact species of tree
found in the wood pulp that makes
up the cardboard of which Human
DNA is comprised?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
In the Jan. 2001 issue of Completely Unbiased and Documented Ghost Stories Magazine Herb Stillweather of Shingleshack, Iowa reported having been visited by the apparition of his dead ancestor Caleb "Injun Joe" Stillweather who taught Herb how to tell where to dig for underground springs using two bent pieces of coathanger and a quartz crystal suspended from a silver chain. Using these devices Herb was able to calculate the exact number of grey space aliens that can fit into a phone booth after having swallowed their capacity of goldfish. Given these documented facts what is the exact species of tree found in the wood pulp that makes up the cardboard of which Human DNA is comprised?

A composite of Larch, Pine, and Stripped Maple, for the stiffness, the suppleness, and the taste! (respectively)
(Zoobyshoe, where do you get your sources? WOW what quetions!)

So how many grey aliens can fit into a phone booth, after having swallowed their capacity of goldfish, and how many pre-fish?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
So how many grey aliens can fit into a phone booth, after having swallowed their capacity of goldfish, and how many pre-fish?

I have checked, double checked,and
triple checked the article and no-
where does it actually give the
numbers Herb Stillweather came up
with. This is a disapointment
given the extrordinary usefullness
that information could have to
anyone contemplating the use of a
phone booth as a dual purpose
storage unit for grey space aliens
and goldfish.

In the July 2002 issue of Com-
pletely Unbiased and Documented
Ghost Stories Magazine, Mr.
Bauder B. Bauder, 39, of Sinkwaste
New Jersy reported that his house
seemed to have become the gather-
ing place of several pernicious
poltergeists who were manifesting
themselves by dressing him in wom-
an's clothing while he slept. He
further reported that on one oc-
casion they drove him to a motel
and handcuffed him to a toilet.
Using these troubling personal
experiences as a premise Bauder
penned his first novel The
Sinkwaste Incident soon to be
published by Completely Un-
biased And Documented Ghost Stor-
ies Press. With these facts in
hand how many grey space aliens
can a goldfish swallow after hav-
ing stared at them long enough to
collapse their wave function?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
In the July 2002 issue of Completely Unbiased and Documented Ghost Stories Magazine, Mr. Bauder B. Bauder, 39, of Sinkwaste New Jersy reported that his house seemed to have become the gathering place of several pernicious poltergeists who were manifesting themselves by dressing him in woman's clothing while he slept. He further reported that on one occasion they drove him to a motel and handcuffed him to a toilet.
Using these troubling personal experiences as a premise Bauder penned his first novel The Sinkwaste Incident soon to be published by Completely Unbiased And Documented Ghost Stories Press. With these facts in hand how many grey space aliens can a goldfish swallow after having stared at them long enough to collapse their wave function?

Completely irrelevant, I talked to Mr. Bauder, just the other day, and he told me that he had made up the entire event history, and was doing all of it simply to counteract the good PR that the greys have been achieving from this sites running humor sphere. That said, the goldfish told me that the staring required to collapse the greys wavefunction was an indirect property of the disproportinate ability of said fishes to breath nitrogen out of water, hence the number of greys swallowed by any given goldfish in any given amount of time is still indeterminant as the gold fish have adamantly refused to suffuse themselve with nitrogen, (causes them to laugh to hard and they then swallow water)

How much "nitrogen" (NO₂) does it take to make a grey laugh?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How much"nitrogen"(NO₂) does it take to make a grey laugh?

Not much at all. As soon as one
inhales some and it begins to
react with the moisture in his
body to become nitric acid his
companions begin to laugh uproar-
iously and the prank they've play-
ed on him. It is their cruel way
of saying he should have known the
difference between NO₂
and N₂O.

Last night the doorbell rang and
it was yet another grey space
alien asking me if I'd heard the
"Word of Parsons". I told him that
there were times I was in direct
communication with "Parsons" and
did not need his grey space alien
interpretation of information that
was available to me on a first
hand basis. He called me a "blas-
phemer" and stormed back to his
bicycle. I noticed he was riding
an excellent brand new Pugeot. It
reminded me that every time I've
seen a grey on a bike it was a
Peugeot.

What is it about French technology
that so attracts their interest?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Last night the doorbell rang and it was yet another grey space alien asking me if I'd heard the "Word of Parsons". I told him that there were times I was in direct communication with "Parsons" and did not need his grey space alien interpretation of information that was available to me on a firsthand basis. He called me a "blasphemer" and stormed back to his bicycle. I noticed he was riding an excellent brand new Pugeot. It reminded me that every time I've seen a grey on a bike it was a Peugeot.
What is it about French technology that so attracts their interest?

There ancient historical ties to the region, as evidenced by many a feature of French living, the eating of snails, the drinking of red wine, (without whining, the grey's have a hard time with that one) that Eiffel Tower thing blew them away for technological advancement, (in it's time) the eating of cheeses and pate foie gras, and most importantly French women! (they love ea...Oooops, wrong age limit)

Just got in a note from the greys, (talk about your mail at the "speed of thought!") about you zoobyshoe, they want to know why, when quoted them about the "Word of Parsons", you dropped the "the", they told me they said; "The Word of The Parsons" and insisted that this is an extremely important ommision on your part, so can anyone tell me why zoobyshoe dropped the 'the'??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Your scurrilous informants are
grossly distorting the facts and
are clearly on a mission of unmit-
igated obfuscation. Reviewing the
surveillance tapes I routinely
make when answering the door I
find that the exact words used by
this knave were:"The a have the
you the heard the word a of the an Parsons?" This is the sort of
thing that typically results when
they try to verbally reproduce the
English language instead of beam-
ing it telepathically into one's
mind.
The problem arises from the fact
that no articles, definite or in-
definite, exist in their native
tongue and they remain completely
confused as to their proper usage.
The result is this "shotgun" style
of article usage whereby they
throw articles into a sentence
with abandon in the vain hope at
least one or two will accidently
be correct.
Insofar as I politely ignored this gramatical error on his part and
reported only what I knew him to
be meaning to say, instead of
taking the opportunity to mock his
lack of expertise, I find it unac-
ceptable of him and the others to
be E-mailing you with reports of
omissions on my part.
If you actually exert any influ-
ence on these demented evangelists
you will warn them of my stock of
putrid, fermenting tomatos.Quetion: In the June '92 issue of
Completely Unbiased And Docu-
mented Ghost Stories Mr. J.
Kemp, 45, of Slopshire on Turditch
England, reported having been vis-
ited by the spritual remnants of
King Richard III, whom he recog-
nised by his "bunchback" and limp.

In the next months issue a reader
asked why he was so sure it was
the actual King rather than the
statistically more probable ghost
of one of the hundreds of actors
who had portrayed him in the cent-
uries since the Bard of Avon first
staged the tyrants history. Kemp's
response, given in a telephone
interview was documented to be:
"Well, I could tell, is all."

Given these unbiased facts, trans-
late the following 1940's hard-
boiled slang into the language of
your choice: "Squeeze the smudge
plug, salt knuckles, or I'll ply
my father's trade on the mooney
may-bob, here!"

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Your scurrilous informants are grossly distorting the facts and are clearly on a mission of unmitigated obfuscation. Reviewing the surveillance tapes I routinely make when answering the door I find that the exact words used by this knave were:"The a have the you the heard the word a of the an Parsons?" This is the sort of thing that typically results when they try to verbally reproduce the English language instead of beaming it telepathically into one's mind.
The problem arises from the fact that no articles, definite or indefinite, exist in their native tongue and they remain completely confused as to their proper usage. The result is this "shotgun" style
of article usage whereby they throw articles into a sentence with abandon in the vain hope at least one or two will accidently be correct. Insofar as I politely ignored this gramatical error on his part and reported only what I knew him to be meaning to say, instead of taking the opportunity to mock his lack of expertise, I find it unacceptable of him and the others to be E-mailing you with reports of
omissions on my part. If you actually exert any influence on these demented evangelists you will warn them of my stock of putrid, fermenting tomatos.


Quetion: In the June '92 issue of Completely Unbiased And Docu-
mented Ghost Stories Mr. J. Kemp, 45, of Slopshire on Turditch
England, reported having been visited by the spritual remnants of
King Richard III, whom he recognised by his "bunchback" and limp.
In the next months issue a reader asked why he was so sure it was the actual King rather than the statistically more probable ghost of one of the hundreds of actors who had portrayed him in the centuries since the Bard of Avon first staged the tyrants history. Kemp's
response, given in a telephone interview was documented to be: "Well, I could tell, is all."
Given these unbiased facts, translate the following 1940's hardboiled slang into the language of your choice: "Squeeze the smudge plug, salt knuckles, or I'll ply my father's trade on the mooney may-bob, here!"

Zoobyshoe, you deserve a medal, as in we need to "Squeeze the smudge plug" (Pull the stopper out of the Piggy bank) for your adroit, and adept, ability to see through the writtings on these pages!
You were right on target, with them, for that "The Parsons" thingimeebopper as it refers to "The Priests" (the persons who are known to be so honest as to be seen as 'truthfull') as that is actually the meaning of the word 'Parson', (with "Parsons" simply as the plural) and clearly, zoobyshoe, you figured out that it had A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y nothing to do with me, and the fact that, my last name, is "Parsons", too. TANKS
So with that, here's a plate of "salt knuckles" (pigs feet) raised to you and we will see that you 'Ply your daddies trade on the mooney maybob" (follow in your dad's footsteps in the moonlight of the fall apple festivals), no doubt interviewing another one of you highly imaginative subjects, telling of their Grey encounters.

So the quetion remains, how many greys does it take, to award zoobyshoe his medal for proving that "Freedom of Speech" is alive, and well, (and living within him) in a glorious, and upriorious manner!??

P.S. as for their telepathic messages to me, they apparently are going to stop that as they have agreed that such rumors should not be circulated about me, given peoples inventive, and willing, nature, with respect to lieing, and gossip, and the reputational damage such things can incur...they told me they might try resumeing it with zoobyshoe, (heck, zoob's the Honorary member, so look there next... C:\Ya!)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally babbled by Mr. Robin Parsons:

So the quetion remains, how many greys does it take, to award zoobyshoe his medal...

This involves tedious logorhythms,
Napier's Constant type jitterbug-
ging, with a lot of cubed roots
and other migrainogenic calculus.
Just remember: putrid and
fermenting tomatos.

In the 1947 Film Gris clas-
sic, The Thin Gray Disc ac-
tor Humphrey Bogart portrayed the
war scarred gray space alien, Eggy
who was strugling to readjust to
normal life with the help of his
well meaning, but naive, childhood
friend, Big Eyes, as played by
Peter Lorre.

In the 1987 remake, The Grey
Thin Disk (which flopped at
the box office), Eggy, played by
Robert DeNiro, finds redemption at
the end when he talks the discour-
aged Big Eyes (Joe Pesci in this
version) out of suicide by flying
disc crash at greater than light
speeds.

Why did the producers of the re-
make decide to change the original
ending, and, in the original, what
were Big Eyes' (Peter Lorre's)
famous hardboiled 1940s slang last
words before hitting the acceler-
ator pedal of his flying disc?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
Why did the producers of the remake decide to change the original
ending, and, in the original, what were Big Eyes' (Peter Lorre's)famous hardboiled 1940s slang last words before hitting the accelerator pedal of his flying disc?

The change in the ending was arrived at through a complex set of algorythmic logarithms that extrapolated the resultant waveforms to the very expressive end line of "Big Eye's" (Peter Lorre), "To the Finite, and Beyyyooooooond!"

Once past the finite, where does one arrive?

 

[FZ+]

A small mcdonalds hamburger store. (They are everywhere nowadays...)

Why is it implausible for the world to be supported by turtles all the way down?

 

[prizm]

Implausible? I thought turtles did!

Does a chicken have lips?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by prizm
Does a chicken have lips?

Good quetion. I always wonder the
same thing whenever I notice a
chicken wearing lip gloss.

If a rooster can crow, can a crow
rooster?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If a rooster can crow, can a crow rooster?

Absolutely!, saw one out on the lake roostering on his Jet ski, just the other day.

How do you find the sum of the square roots of the multiples of the logarithms of numbers that are imagined, as imaginary, without Dreaming?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How do you find the sum of the square roots of the multiples of the logarithms of numbers that are imagined, as imaginary, without Dreaming?

Ask your insomniac math friend to calculate it for you, of course.

If a brown cow makes chocolate milk, then what kind of drink does a zebra make?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
If a brown cow makes chocolate milk, then what kind of drink does a zebra make?

Uhmmmm?? Oh Ya Martini's!

Why was the "Martini" named after "Martin"?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why was the "Martini" named after "Martin"?

It's funny you should ask, because
just the other day a Polish person
of my aquaintaince stumbled upon
me lying in one or another of the
gutters I am won't to nap in, and,
having himself just downed an
excessive number of martinis while
he was piloting a commercial jet
here from Phoenix, Az, asked me,
"Whhyy wasn thhhheeee M..MM..MMMMM
Aaaatini nambed afffter Jeeeerry
Loooisss?" At a complete loss for
words, I stared at him in horror.
Then, suddenly, the Polish lobe of
my brain kicked in and I said:"Do-
wiadywalem sie o te ksiazke dla
pana, nie mozna jej dostac," which
confused him long enough for me to
get away.

What do you do if you're at the
flea market looking at some used
electronic devices and a strangely
intense man starts lecturing you
about the ethics of electrons?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're at the flea market looking at some used electronic devices and a strangely intense man starts lecturing you
about the ethics of electrons?

You tell him that the momentum of his electrifieing Ethics is shocking in relation to the simplicity that he has no clue where he actually is!

What do you do if someone asks a "What would you do if" question on the "Ask a stupid quention" page?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if someone asks a "What would you do if" question on the "Ask a stupid quention" page?

It's funny you should ask because
just the other day someone asked
me the same thing and my advise
was "make sure you spell it
`quetion' not `quention'.

What do you do if...Er, I mean,
The average adult chimpanzee can
consume 10 bananas, 3 apples and
a half a melon in a day. Also, if
enough chimpanzees sat typing on
a word processor for a long
enough time, it is a statisical
probability that one of them would
eventually write out the works of
Shakespeare. If Shakespeare sat
typing at a word processor long
enough, is it a statistical pro-
babiliy that he would ever consume
10 bananas, 3 apples, and a half
a melon in one day?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if...Er, I mean, The average adult chimpanzee can consume 10 bananas, 3 apples and a half a melon in a day. Also, if
enough chimpanzees sat typing on a word processor for a long enough time, it is a statisical probability that one of them would eventually write out the works of Shakespeare. If Shakespeare sat
typing at a word processor long enough, is it a statistical probabiliy that he would ever consume 10 bananas, 3 apples, and a half
a melon in one day?

NOPE but there is a very real possibility that he will, in typing, use the words melons, in reference to her...the word Bananas in reference to His...the word Apple in concordance with the obviousness of reference to that event's...Knowing all along the "to live by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" can have a much better statistical probablity of generating a longevity in the outrageously "lively personna(s)" that have access to the 1/2 melon of her eye, the 10 Bananas of his lunch and the 3 apples of the events success, but only as they were typed into the sonnet of the bard's 'ode to a poem' that melodically interupted his quotient of cacophany that was erupting from his flying flingers at the Clef'board of that days com-put-errrrrssss!

Who the Heck is William Shakespeare?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally asked by Mr.
Robin ParsonsWho the Heck
is William Shakespeare?

It is fun to go to Shakespeare
plays because he used so many
famous sayings.The other day when I was lying
in a gutter (or maybe it was a
ditch) thinking about isochronous
pendulums, a certain Polish avia-
tor of my acquaintence stumbled
over me and began ranting about
predictions of the coming ice age
that could be deciphered from the
songs of the Fool in King Lear
using the navigation charts issued
by his employer. To convince him
he was drunk I snaped a cigarette
ligher on in front of his face,
whereupon his breath ignited
causing him, briefly, to resemble
a Japanese film monster. What do
I do to stop the nightmares this
has incited?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
The other day when I was lying in a gutter (or maybe it was a ditch) thinking about isochronous pendulums, a certain Polish aviator of my acquaintence stumbled over me and began ranting about predictions of the coming ice age that could be deciphered from the songs of the Fool in King Lear using the navigation charts issued by his employer. To convince him he was drunk I snaped a cigarette ligher on in front of his face, whereupon his breath ignited causing him, briefly, to resemble a Japanese film monster. What do I do to stop the nightmares this has incited?

Rent the movie "Field of Dreams" fall alseep while watching the movie, but make certian you are covered in moisturizer beforehand, now, while sleeping, repeat the expression "There is lotsa places like Home", repetitively, over and over, again, as to ensure that, while you are sleeping, you are not aware of the excersize, that is, while you sleep, stimulating your mind to changes in the functions of that Zippo that you used to ignite the idiots breath, such that, when you awake, an entirely new set of nightmares will have joined into the previous set as to ensure you plenty of viewing while sleeping, or awake, but no more room for any Japanese films monsters, if it comes near you again just yell out "Dorothy! Dorothy!" to make it vanish into thin nightmareishlandium. (I tried this, works great!)

What Is the answer to the riddle?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What Is the answer to the riddle?

Nuncle never knew, so
The Fool had a Field Day.

I received a check in the mail
yesterday for $10,000.00, or so
it seemed. Turns out the fine
print explained it to be a non-
negotiable replica of the real
check I would receive if I first
sent them a check for $350.00
to cover the taxes on these
"winnings". So I sent them the
replica of a check for $350.00
that I "won" last week which
I could have claimed had I sent
them $29.99 to cover the taxes
for those "winnings" with a note
that they could deduct the $29.99
from the $10,000.00. I thought to
myself, "This all is a much better
explanation of why space-time is
curved than a rubber sheet and a
ball." I suppose I could have used
the replica of a $10,000.00 check
to buy a replica of a new used
car, but by then I was all about
confused.

What, then, was the replica of the
question?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I received a check in the mail
yesterday for $10,000.00, or so
it seemed. Turns out the fine
print explained it to be a non-
negotiable replica of the real
check I would receive if I first
sent them a check for $350.00
to cover the taxes on these
"winnings". So I sent them the
replica of a check for $350.00
that I "won" last week which
I could have claimed had I sent
them $29.99 to cover the taxes
for those "winnings" with a note
that they could deduct the $29.99
from the $10,000.00. I thought to
myself, "This all is a much better
explanation of why space-time is
curved than a rubber sheet and a
ball." I suppose I could have used
the replica of a $10,000.00 check
to buy a replica of a new used
car, but by then I was all about
confused.

What, then, was the replica of the
question?

This Highly Ordered Answer/Responce!

Why is it that I find that I haven't the time to type out really good long storylike answers AND[/size] quetions?

P.S. Zoob, can you fax me about $10,000, I need to buy some stamps!

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
P.S. Zoob, can you fax me about $10,000, I need to buy some stamps!

I could fax you a replica of some
stamps except that my fax machine
is a non-negotiable replica of
a fax machine (a facsimile
facsimile, as it were) and I haven't got a replica of a phone
with which to call San Diego
Pseudo-Gas and Faux-Power Co. to
ask them to hook up my simulated
electricity, which is the only
kind of juice it will respond to.

Once when I was performing the
Rachmaninov second in front of
an audience of about 400 people
I suddenly became sensible of the
most tremendously urgent need to
shout the words "So's you muddah!"
at a very high volume.
My neurologist tested me for
tourettes but declared me free of
this condition.
What causes this and how do you
deal with it when you are per-
forming the Rachmaninov Second?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I could fax you a replica of some stamps except that my fax machine
is a non-negotiable replica of a fax machine (a facsimile facsimile, as it were) and I haven't got a replica of a phone with which to call San Diego Pseudo-Gas and Faux-Power Co. to ask them to hook up my simulated electricity, which is the only kind of juice it will respond to.

Try the "imitation" cell that you use at your pretend workplace, cause the need is imminent!

Would you falsify your work history, pretending that all of the plagerisms that you have induldged in, is really supposed to be to your accreditation??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Try the "imitation" cell that you use at your pretend workplace, cause the need is imminent!

All I have is a replica of an
imitation cell which I can't
charge up for the same reason.

Would you falsify your work history, pretending that all of the plagerisms that you have induldged in, is really supposed to be to your accreditation??

Whenever I'm seeking employment
as a plagarist I make it a point
to plagarize the work history
part of the application. Likewise
once hired, all the work I turn
in to the boss consists exclusive-
ly of plagarisms of the other
plagarists plagarizing, which
always impresses him or her.Once when I was performing the
Rachmaninov second in front of
an audience of about 400 people
I suddenly became sensible of the
most tremendously urgent need to
shout the words "So's you muddah!"
at a very high volume.
My neurologist tested me for
tourettes but declared me free of
this condition.
What causes this and how do you
deal with it when you are per-
forming the Rachmaninov Second?