Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[zoobyshoe]

Now, Madame Butterfly, have you met Monsieur Killing Germ?

I don't believe she has, but I bet she's fluttered away from Monsieur Killing Jar once or twice.

Recently when I was typing up the story of my latest encounter with the undead for a small tabloid to which I occasionally submit such adventures for a small remuneration, I was startled to find the words begin to appear on the screen without any imput on my part to the keyboard. At about the same time I noticed, due to an open window, (the actual physical kind) that nothing outside was making a sound. Peering out, I saw that the whole sky above was blocked out by nothing less than one of those black, flying, Bermuda triangles you hear so much about. Suddenly, my car battery went dead. I'm not sure how I knew that, since it wasn't running at the time, but it seems you can always just sense these things, doesn't it?

It was clear to me, too, that despite my vicadin/banana brandy diet of the preceeding four days, and my recently escalated practice of banging myself on the head with a small, easily handled piece of 2x4 lumber to help me concentrate, that all these phenomena were "the real thing". You can just sense these things.

Tearing my clothes off, I rushed out into the street pointed to the flying, black, Bermuda triangle above, and began shouting "They're here! They're here!" This turned out to be harder to explain to the police officers who showed up than you'd expect. They pretended to be in denial about the thing in the sky, and refused to acknowledge it.

Anyway, which one of you called them?

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Recently when I was typing up the story of my latest encounter with the undead for a small tabloid to which I occasionally submit such adventures for a small remuneration, I was startled to find the words begin to appear on the screen without any imput on my part to the keyboard. At about the same time I noticed, due to an open window, (the actual physical kind) that nothing outside was making a sound. Peering out, I saw that the whole sky above was blocked out by nothing less than one of those black, flying, Bermuda triangles you hear so much about. Suddenly, my car battery went dead. I'm not sure how I knew that, since it wasn't running at the time, but it seems you can always just sense these things, doesn't it?
It was clear to me, too, that despite my vicadin/banana brandy diet of the preceeding four days, and my recently escalated practice of banging myself on the head with a small, easily handled piece of 2x4 lumber to help me concentrate, that all these phenomena were "the real thing". You can just sense these things.
Tearing my clothes off, I rushed out into the street pointed to the flying, black, Bermuda triangle above, and began shouting "They're here! They're here!" This turned out to be harder to explain to the police officers who showed up than you'd expect. They pretended to be in denial about the thing in the sky, and refused to acknowledge it.
Anyway, which one of you called them?

That's peculiar. I was sitting at my desk recently typing up my story about a brown shag rug that attacks people and eats them for publication in a popular sci-fi/fantasy magazine. I was writing into the wee hours, sustaining my imagination and staving off sleep with a constant supply of coffee. I was wondering if anything like my story could happen in real life when suddenly I heard a scream of "They're here! They're here!" outside my window. It was hard to make out the figure standing out in the street at first due to the late hour but I did notice that the figure was wearing triangular-shaped sunglasses for no discernable reason. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I at first thought the figure was a particularly hairy naked man, but as they adjusted further I realized that no-one could be that hairy. I looked at my typewriter, looked again at the screaming figure outside, and I knew. That story wasn't fiction. The brown shag rug was real and attacking someone in front of my very eyes. I called the police and explained the situation, but then a funny thing happened.

As I downed the last of my now-cold cup of coffee, the room suddenly became brighter, as if illuminated only by the tiny little sparkles that now surrounded me. I felt weightless, as if I was being lifted from the floor by some force. I looked down at my type writer. All of a sudden, the little letters I had typed started to move, first one, then another, then gradually all of them - they were dancing and singing and it was so captivating I started to join in with my penny whistle. The letters followed me out of my room, down the stairs, out of the door and down the street, and with a click of my heels we went over the hill and far away.

And when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Which of you basts nabbed it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Which of you basts nabbed it?

The pillow was abstracted from your dwelling by three Men-In-Black who were to deliver it to Area 51 here by 3 A.M. for extensive testing. We're interested in the effect certain new mineral fibers recently brought back from an asteroid found in Antarctica have on people's psyche. As a side project we wanted to see if they might have any effect on your cloak of invisibility: a handful of those fibers was surreptitiously stuffed into your pillow several weeks ago. Now we want them back. (If you happen to have drooled on them in your sleep you will have released a rather interesting gas. I'll wager rechecking the number of your toes will reveal something amusing.)

So, is El Hombre Invisible, now visible?

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

So, is El Hombre Invisible, now visible?

I re-checked my toes and I still can't see any so I'm guessing: yes, still invisible.

However you were right about finding something amusing. While looking through where I would see my toes were they not invisible, my gaze was captured by a black and white photograph of myself as a young man holding a newspaper and a rifle. I thought this interesting because the shadow cast by my body on the ground was at a different angle to the one cast by my nose on my face, clearly demonstrating I had forged the photograph.

But if so, then whose nose was it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

However you were right about finding something amusing. While looking through where I would see my toes were they not invisible, my gaze was captured by a black and white photograph of myself as a young man holding a newspaper and a rifle. I thought this interesting because the shadow cast by my body on the ground was at a different angle to the one cast by my nose on my face, clearly demonstrating I had forged the photograph.
But if so, then whose nose was it?

The nose responsible for casting the confusing shadow is none other than the one obviously missing from the great face monument (nicknamed "facial") we discovered on the surface of Mars. We've been looking everywhere for it. It has always been suspected that the nose in the black and white photo exhibited shadow casting properties "not of this earth" but this clinches the matter: the Martians were not introducing themselves, but trying to warn us about Oswald.

What do you suppose they were trying to warn us about with their "canals"?

 

[Moonbear]

What was the question asked before the newbie got here?

"I wonder if anyone would be interested in a stupid quetion game?" Ooh, my stupid anser is also a stupid quetion. I'm so proud of myself! It's like that time I was watching tribdog light his Christmas tree and he also lit himself up. It was really quite an interesting evening. There I was with my binoculars, perched carefully in that cactus outside his apartment (maybe not quite carefully enough, but that's another story entirely), waiting to capture the perfect moment for America's Funniest Videos, when much to my wandering eyes should appear, a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer. Well, it was part of the Christmas ornaments he put up on the lawn. So, I decided my perch in the cactus was a bit precarious, so moved to sit in the sleigh.

As I was watching the smoke pouring out of tribdog's head and he started twitching, I couldn't help but wonder, just what did he have as the topper on his tree?

 

[Enuma_Elish]

Something improper.

Does this post deserve to be deleted by a mentor?

 

[___]

no. i don't actually know, i m not a mentor.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm going to eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

This was your ancestor, Grunty Blank, the first Neanderthal to encounter a cow. Grunty thought the cow was a deformed newborn auroch. At least that's what he told me.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm going to eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Sorry, you used up your one allowed quetion. Your quetion account is now overdrawn. There'll be an overdraft fee.

How much will Blankman be charged?

 

[___]

This was your ancestor, Grunty Blank, the first Neanderthal to encounter a cow. Grunty thought the cow was a deformed newborn auroch. At least that's what he told me.
Sorry, you used up your one allowed quetion. Your quetion account is now overdrawn. There'll be an overdraft fee.
How much will Blankman be charged?

-$1,00000000

If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

EDIT: ok i changed my question:

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Well, Blankman has just spilled the beans. He's really Blankgirl.

Why did Blankgirl get reincarnated?

 

[___]

Well, Blankman has just spilled the beans. He's really Blankgirl.
Why did Blankgirl get reincarnated?

blankgirl never really did reincarnate.
so here is a question:
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm going to eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm going to eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

That was your ancestor, Ovus Blank. Ovus was an australopithicene lady who took her discovery of the egg all the way to the invention of the hard boiled egg some years later. She related the whole story to me one afternoon. I don't speak australopithicene, though, and didn't understand a word. Still, the way she said it was very convincing, and I don't suspect she was telling me anything but the absolute truth.

How old was I at the time?

 

[hypatia]

You were 6, 6 yr olds believe anything.
Tsu, is going to have a burn day, I want a burn day too!
What should I burn?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What should I burn?

Invite the president over and see if a burning bush can really talk.

Will I now be shot for treason?

 

[Livingod]

No, you can only be tried (let alone shot) for treason if you openly make a threat to take the president's life. Threatening to burn the president doesn't neccesarily kill him.

Jalapeno or Chili powder?

 

[hypatia]

I perfer the flavor of Jalapeno's...and roasted ones! yummy!

My monitor took a nose dive today, sparks, smoke..the whole nine yards!
I tossed it into the snow bank next to the patio, do you think it would make a good base to build a snowman on?

 

[Math Is Hard]

My monitor took a nose dive today, sparks, smoke..the whole nine yards!
I tossed it into the snow bank next to the patio, do you think it would make a good base to build a snowman on?

Funny you said that. Recently my snowman went kaput on me (as they are won't to do in the SoCal climate), so I decided to assemble it into a big slushy snow-monitor. If you squint really hard and have a good imagination it's just as good as the internet.

This morning as I was slithering under the covers, trying to avoid the freezing 65 degree F chill of the turning weather, I came across my chemistry homework. There were some problems that I had not yet finished so I set about to work on them. I have these lovely laminated "Qwik-notes" that I use for my classes and they come in a variety of subjects. Unfortunately they all look alike, and it's possible I got the French Qwik-notes mixed up with the Chem Qwik-notes. Rather than balancing my redox reactions, I may have translated them into the Plus que Parfait du Subjonctif.

Does it really make any difference?

 

[___]

i guess no.

why do the alphabets and "twinkle twinkle little star" have same tune?
stop singing and post...

 

[Entropy]

I had a nightmare once that they merged french and chemistry and killed myself because they merged the two worst subjects of my high school life.

Can you scratch this spot for me, it really itches?

 

[___]

your question reminds me of a joke:
there was a man in front of a urinal (he had no hands).
another man there, seeing his problen went to help. "can i help you?"
"o! yes, please, as you can see, i can't do it."
the good man opened his ziper and saw that the man's penis had red spots and was covered in thick pus
however the good man went on.
the man with bad penis did his job and took his hands out of his shirt! and was ready to go.
the good man struck in awe, asked him "whats wrong with your private?"
the man with bad peins" i don't know but i aint F***ing touching it! thanks, for help, mate," and he waved good bye.

why wasnt my question answered?

 

[Entropy]

You'll get an answer when someone scratches me.

Will someone give me some food?

 

[___]

you are in the McDonalds near me right?

why don't you get some there?

 

[zoobyshoe]

why don't you get some there?

After "the incident" he can stand outside, but they won't let him in.

Recently when I was at a McDonald's near me, I decided not to try the new McDahlia sandwich, despite the fact the picture of it looked pretty.

Did I make the right decision?

 

[___]

After "the incident" he can stand outside, but they won't let him in.
Recently when I was at a McDonald's near me, I decided not to try the new McDahlia sandwich, despite the fact the picture of it looked pretty.
Did I make the right decision?

no!
why didnt you try it?

 

[zoobyshoe]

no!
why didnt you try it?

Because in twenty years who will care if I tried it? I won't.

Recently I realized something was bothering me. I've been remembering that twenty years ago I never bothered to try the new McTurnip sandwich. Now they don't serve it anymore.

How could I have been so shortsighted?

 

[___]

Because in twenty years who will care if I tried it? I won't.
Recently I realized something was bothering me. I've been remembering that twenty years ago I never bothered to try the new McTurnip sandwich. Now they don't serve it anymore.
How could I have been so shortsighted?

see, as i predicted. you didnt try McTurnip 20 try ago and are regretting now.
20 years later, there will be another post saying the same thing.

why do we get lights in the fridge but not in the freezer?

 

[zoobyshoe]

why do we get lights in the fridge but not in the freezer?

To make people like me ask people like you what is so stupid about that quetion.


When will blank child learn to write it's own stupid quetions and stop googling for them?

 

[___]

To make people like me ask people like you what is so stupid about that quetion.
When will blank child learn to write it's own stupid quetions and stop googling for them?

that was my question...
when will sir zoobyshoe start guessing correctly (luckily)

 

[zoobyshoe]

when will sir zoobyshoe start guessing correctly (luckily)

I did guess correctly. Unfortunately my browser dropped out of the particular alternate universe in which my guess was correct and into this one before I finished posting.

Which alternate universe is this again?

 

[___]

I did guess correctly. Unfortunately my browser dropped out of the particular alternate universe in which my guess was correct and into this one before I finished posting.
Which alternate universe is this again?

your avatar is duplicate one, so you are not the one of this universe. there fore you are in wrong universe...
will he make a come back?
stay tuned...on BBC 4...

 

[zoobyshoe]

will he make a come back?
stay tuned...on BBC 4...

BBC 4? I must have landed in the U.K.

Wait. Is this an episode of "Sliders" or "Quantum Leap"?

 

[___]

BBC 4? I must have landed in the U.K.
Wait. Is this an episode of "Sliders" or "Quantum Leap"?

none...
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

[zoobyshoe]

none...
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

None.

Does the existence of blank people belie the notion that guys who are shooting blanks can't father children?

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

Does the existence of blank people belie the notion that guys who are shooting blanks can't father children?

If so, then I will not shoot blank or his ilk... I intend to have lots of invisible children as I will probably keep losing them.

Does blank have a blankety-blank chequebook and pen?

 

[zoobyshoe]

oes blank have a blankety-blank chequebook and pen?

Blank may well have such a thing, but I can't say since I suspect "blankety-blank" to be a euphemism for "ostritch-skin" although it might also mean "depleted-uranium" or "freezer-burned".

Last night my doorbell rang and that came a quite a shock since I had disconnected it two months ago. When I opened the door, though, sure enough there was a door to door doorbell salesman. He'd brought his own, y'see. How did he know?

 

[EnumaElish]

He was playing the odds.

If he knew it was the wrong door, why did he ring the bell in the first place?

 

[The Bob]

Clearly stupidity.

What is the reason for sliced bread?

 

[MSI]

the baker was testing his new knife

why ... birds ?

 

[Livingod]

Because man has loved them and has wanted to imitate them since the dawn of time. Hence, we have planes, paragliders, and astronauts.

How did Europeans live in the middle ages before the Crusades, when they didn't have any spices like pepper, cinnamon, thyme, and basically everything but salt?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How did Europeans live in the middle ages before the Crusades, when they didn't have any spices like pepper, cinnamon, thyme, and basically everything but salt?

Life without spice was harsh and even brutal. Many took to going to raves and overindulgence in ecstasy and special-K. There was a lot of black leather and sado-masochism. Just about everyone was a Goth back then. Cinnamon deprivation drove them to extremes of excess. The French Toast was bland, and day after day, year after year of Starbucks without a dash of cinnamon now and then precipitated a kind of mass insanity the likes of which we, in the modern world, cannot comprehend.

Recently, when I was reading the biography of Ogg, inventer of the wheel, I was impressed by how few remember this forgotten genius' accomplishments. His struggle to overcome the derision of his peers "If God had wanted man to roll, he'd had given him wheels!", and the scorn of his arrogant, Cro-Magnon physics teacher, who would wander over to him from flint knapping and say things like: "Ogg, you're a crackpot. You think you're going to roll something somewhere? Huh? You think you're going to take the effort out of pulling and dragging? Let me tell you something. There's no free lunch, Ogg. You don't get something for nothing. What you're trying to do there is perpetual motion!"

But stalwart Ogg pressed on, ablaze with the yearning to win everlasting fame as the First inventor of the wheel. "Fame! Fame! Fame!" Ogg would think to himself, "I'm a frickin' genius!'

But Ogg didn't really think of the wheel all by himself. He had learned of it through the obscure cave-wall scratchings of Grolla, father of wheel theory. These were on the wall at the back of the cave near the pile where they threw the trash, so it was messy work to go back and read them, and was the only place they would let old Grolla scratch his crackpot notions of round discs mounted on shafts.

What was his story, anyway? Old Grolla.

 

[Math Is Hard]

What was his story, anyway? Old Grolla.

ahh.. Old Grolla. I remember reading about his legacy in my pseudoancient history class, and of his ejection from cave society by the FCC (Fanatical Conservative Cavemen) group for his depictions of shafts being inserted into the central openings of disks. This was interpreted at the time to be graphical representations of cave-porn.

Speaking of unusual ancient drawings, who was the Egyptian ruler who convinced all of his people to walk, live, and convey themselves always in an observable sideways motion?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of unusual ancient drawings, who was the Egyptian ruler who convinced all of his people to walk, live, and convey themselves always in an observable sideways motion?

That was Picasspharoah, not a ruler, actually, but a ruler: he was discovered to be absolutely average in all his measurements, so they tattooed him with equally spaced divisions up and down, side to side, front to back, and forced him to be on call for whenever there was an argument about deviation from the mean average dimension of any thing in the land. In the performance of his duties, Picasspharoah frequently was required to adopt unusual postures (e.g. during measurements of camel and ox dimensions) and as records of the measurement were inscribed in stone in the form of visual representations of him at work, the famous Egyptian style was born. People all over the land adopted the lateral lifestyle.

I have a vague recollection of mention of Picasspharoah's "kohl" period. What the heck is that about?

 

[Livingod]

Picasspharoah's 'kohl' period was right before the revolution he instigated against the pharoah. It was when he was forved to work in "kohl" mines by measuring the diameter of each and every "kohl" piece. Picasspharoah was indeed racist and did not want to come home looking black. He decided it was time for a change, so he started a coup. The period between when he was conscripted to the "kohl" mines and the start of the revolution against to Pharoah Yunanlastiramadiklarimizdanmisiniz is considered the "Kohl" period.

Speaking of periods and other monthly things, why did my monthly credit card bill come out to $1980 when the only time I used it was when I went to a dark alley to rent 5 llegal DVDs (which were $.50 each)?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of periods and other monthly things, why did my monthly credit card bill come out to $1980 when the only time I used it was when I went to a dark alley to rent 5 llegal DVDs (which were $.50 each)?

The figure "$1980" is not actually a sum of money you owe. It is secret code delivered to you via the credit card company from David Letterman. You are to understand it as a reference to the first year he laid eyes on you and fell madly in love. You are further to infer it means he wants you to move to N.Y. and become his co-host.

Speaking of llegal DVD's, since when did the Welsh get into the DVD market?

 

[EnumaElish]

Speaking of llegal DVD's, since when did the Welsh get into the DVD market?

The Welsh invented DVDs. DVD originally meant Double V Diaspora; where "double V" was understood to be "W = Welsh."

When is David Letterman going to retire?

 

[rachmaninoff]

When is David Letterman going to retire?

Soon.Who listens to inane talk shows anyway?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who listens to inane talk shows anyway?

Not me. I stick exclusively to the ane talk shows.

Anyway, I was down at the beach today, and struck up a conversation with a very ane looking gentleman at a coffee shop who was reading a book about icthyological matters of one kind or another. It occurred to me that the "Jesus fish" symbol might be called "ictheological" by some clever person. I didn't mention it because ane people tend to be annoyed by that kind of humor. All that's prelude however because the high point of the conversation was the precision bombing incident perpetrated on the person of the ane man by a squadron of highly trained seagulls.

What do seagulls have against the ane?

 

[Livingod]

Seagulls may hate how smart the ane are, compared to the inane of course. Because I was not alive in 1980 and I already live in New York, thus showing how inane David Letterman is.

So why would David Letterman send me a bogus secret code and ask me to move into the city I already live in?

One more question, if I move to the city I live in, would I be removing myself to that city, and if so, how does this work?

Please answer both questions in the next post.

 

[EnumaElish]

So why would David Letterman send me a bogus secret code and ask me to move into the city I already live in?
One more question, if I move to the city I live in, would I be removing myself to that city, and if so, how does this work?
Please answer both questions in the next post.

It's not a physical move, it's a virtual move. You need to call your DSL provider and put in a move order so they can transfer your existing DSL service from your secondary line to your primary line, so that you may cancel the second line which is costing you close to $20/month.

First you will remove yourself from the city, then you will bemoved into the city; all of this should happen virtually without any effort or pain.

When you call the bogeymen, do you need to give them the secret code, or do they have it already?