Calculating Satan's Fall Using Formulas - Letter to Einstein

[DanP]

Dear Sir,

I am a high school student and have a problem.

My teacher and I were talking about Satan. Of course you know that when he fell from heaven, he fell for nine days, and nine nights, at 32 feet a second and was increasing his speed every second.

I was told there was a foluma [formula] to it. I know you don't have time for such little things, but if possible please send me the foluma.

Thank you, Jerry Quite possibly a letter sent to Einstein by a child, I was told.

 

[Danger]

The formula is simple; there's no such thing as Satan.

 

[DanP]

The formula is simple; there's no such thing as Satan.

Some theorists believe LHC will spawn him Watch and laugh:

 

[FredGarvin]

That assumes that the acceleration due to gravity between Heaven and Hell is constant and equal to that of the Earth.

 

[Redd]

Then we could calculate the distance between heaven and hell.

It seems surprisingly small.

Maybe this is actually a telling metaphor?

 

[DaveC426913]

Just for fun though...

At what altitude is Heaven, by this logic.

9 days' fall to Earth, accounting for gravitational gradient, would give us what altitude?

 

[slider142]

My teacher and I were talking about Satan. Of course you know that when he fell from heaven, he fell for nine days, and nine nights, at 32 feet a second and was increasing his speed every second.

There is a small problem. We are told that he falls at 32 feet per second, a constant velocity, and then told that he increases his speed every second (by an unknown amount, unless he is falling to Earth or another known mass). This is contradictory, unless the problem statement is that he is accelerating at 32 feet per second every second, which is approximately the acceleration due to gravity near sea level. Unfortunately, a 9 day fall cannot be anywhere near sea level, unless he is falling through a hole cut in the Earth.

 

[slider142]

Just for fun though...

At what altitude is Heaven, by this logic.

9 days' fall to Earth, accounting for gravitational gradient, would give us what altitude?

Is there atmosphere present at the time of Satan's fall? If so, we must account for air friction; as he enters the atmosphere near the end of his fall he will brake to terminal velocity in air, which depends on his cross-section and mass.
Assuming no friction and that he is actually falling to Earth's sea level, where Earth has mass M, we can use energy methods:
9 \text{ days} = \int_\text{sea level}^x \frac{\pm dx}{\sqrt\frac{2GM}{x}}
Solving for the displacement x gives us:
x = \left(\pm 3\sqrt\frac{GM}{2}(9 \text{ days}) + (\text{sea level})^\frac{3}{2}\right)^\frac{2}{3}
where the numerical value of G must be adjusted for days instead of seconds.
The Earth page on Wikipedia gives average values for sea level and mass and assuming exact 24-hour days, we have approximately 6434 km, which is pretty close to the radius of the Earth.

 

[Evo]

The formula is simple; there's no such thing as Satan.

Yeah, got to agree with Danger. The problem is non-existent.

 

[DanP]

9 \text{ days} = \int_\text{sea level}^x \frac{\pm dx}{\sqrt\frac{2GM}{x}}
Solving for the displacement x gives us:
x = \left(\pm 3\sqrt\frac{GM}{2}(9 \text{ days}) + (\text{sea level})^\frac{3}{2}\right)^\frac{2}{3}

Henceforth, this shall be know as "Satan's law".

 

[Loren Booda]

I once saw it calculated that heaven is hotter than hell - but that might violate the guidelines (no kidding).

 

[Evo]

I once saw it calculated that heaven is hotter than hell - but that might violate the guidelines (no kidding).

Was that this?

Subject: The Nature of Hell

Thermodynamic Question: Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

If you don't know the answer, then please read the following response. Dr.Schambaugh, of the Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, is known for asking questions such as "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II course was "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into Hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change in volume in Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to remain constant.

Two options exist:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

or,

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until all Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account that I have still not succeeded in having sexual relations with Theresa, then Option 2 cannot be true.

Thus, hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A in the course.

I wish had had the guts and wherewithal to write exam essays like that student in Oklahoma.

Whew, that was a lot of work for a laugh...you guys did laugh, didn't you?

Schouweiler

 

[Pengwuino]

I once saw it calculated that heaven is hotter than hell - but that might violate the guidelines (no kidding).

I believe I saw this same mathematics prove that Women = Evil.

 

[NeoDevin]

I believe I saw this same mathematics prove that Women = Evil.

Well, women take time and money, so \mbox{Women} = \mbox{Time}\cdot\mbox{Money}.

I have often heard it claimed that time is money, \mbox{Time} = \mbox{Money}, so we have \mbox{Women} = \mbox{Money}^2.

But since money is the root of evil, \mbox{Money} = \sqrt{\mbox{Evil}}, we know that \mbox{Women} = \left(\sqrt{\mbox{Evil}}\right)^2 = \mbox{Evil}.

 

[whs]

Fall speed from heaven = 2 * X;

Where X is a constant for adjusting the fall speed to your liking.

 

[DaveC426913]

But since money is the root of evil...

Actually: "the love of money is the root of all evil".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Root_of_all_evil

 

[Loren Booda]

Was that this?

I think I saw the calculation in an old Ripley's Believe it or Not. There were references from a religious text, saying how high heaven is and where hell is located. Then using some Earth physics - voila!

I wonder if the student you quote ended up in engineering, divinity or their unification: theoretical physics.

 

[NeoDevin]

Actually: "the love of money is the root of all evil".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Root_of_all_evil

I am aware, however the joke is less funny if it doesn't work.

 

[DanP]

I think I saw the calculation in an old Ripley's Believe it or Not. There were references from a religious text, saying how high heaven is and where hell is located. Then using some Earth physics - voila!

I wonder if the student you quote ended up in engineering, divinity or their unification: theoretical physics.

Would be funny if you still have the proof somewhere and you can post it as a joke.

 

[arildno]

Actually: "the love of money is the root of all evil".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Root_of_all_evil

This then yields the equation:
women=\frac{evil}{{love}^{2}}
or:
{love}^{2}*women=evil
or:
love*(love*women)=evil
Thus, the problem is that it is evil to love the fact that you love women.
Straight men should regret the fact that they are not gay, while lesbians ought to regret they are not straight, I suppose

 

[archis]

I am personally more bothered about the fact - why are Adam and Eve have a navel in paintings.

 

[kaos]

Well, women take time and money, so \mbox{Women} = \mbox{Time}\cdot\mbox{Money}.

I have often heard it claimed that time is money, \mbox{Time} = \mbox{Money}, so we have \mbox{Women} = \mbox{Money}^2.

But since money is the root of evil, \mbox{Money} = \sqrt{\mbox{Evil}}, we know that \mbox{Women} = \left(\sqrt{\mbox{Evil}}\right)^2 = \mbox{Evil}.

well evil is a negative value, therefore squareroot of evil is imaginary, suggsting that women are imaginary??

 

[Danger]

suggsting that women are imaginary??

Mine are...

 

[Chi Meson]

Mine are...

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.

Awwwww.Might be a cross product,

Have you tried
\mbox{Time}\cdot\mbox{Money}\mbox{ Sin}\theta?

 

[Danger]

Have you tried
\mbox{Time}\cdot\mbox{Money}\mbox{ Sin}\theta?

That sounds good, but for one complication; I have plenty of time, but no money.

 

[DanP]

That sounds good, but for one complication; I have plenty of time, but no money.

money = time*c^2

 

[Danger]

money = time*c^2

Still of no use to me; I can't afford a light bulb.

 

[arildno]

Still of no use to me; I can't afford a light bulb.

Make do with whatever bulb you've got close at hand. I'm sure the ladies will appreciate it.

 

[Pattonias]

What is the terminal velocity of your given Satan?

 

[DanP]

What is the terminal velocity of your given Satan?

It has been theorized that this Satan entity is a 11-dimensional being, with all 11 dimensions tightly packed. He has no observable area. However he was observed as a hologram projection at the event horizon of a black hole (human mind). Data suggests it looks like a stinking goat, vibrating in all those 11 dimensions, much like a jellyfish. Vibration in 9th dimension cause important interactions, which we observe as condensates of element 122 (AW , Awesomnium) atoms.

It is still a subject of heated debate whatever the said goat it's open or closed.

 

[Pattonias]

It has been theorized that this Satan entity is a 11-dimensional being, with all 11 dimensions tightly packed. He has no observable area. However he was observed as a hologram projection at the event horizon of a black hole (human mind). Data suggests it looks like a stinking goat, vibrating in all those 11 dimensions, much like a jellyfish. Vibration in 9th dimension cause important interactions, which we observe as condensates of element 122 (AW , Awesomnium) atoms.

It is still a subject of heated debate whatever the said goat it's open or closed.

We could use the terminal velocity of a goat dropped from high altitude as a control.

Of course, we could have trouble trying to find a three-headed dragon for a upper limit.

 

[DanP]

Of course, we could have trouble trying to find a three-headed dragon for a upper limit.

If we model the three-headed dragon in a 13-dimensional space the theory will be consistent with itself. It will offer a perfect theoretical model, explaining everything in 11 and 4 dimensions (and everything in between), including the answer to the question "Why does Satan falls".