Can a Long Distance Relationship Survive Insecurity and Lack of Trust?

[theJorge551]

Hi all. I'm a 16 year old going into my junior year of high school, getting my IB in Physics...and I've just moved 350 miles away from my hometown to go to this preppy new high school (I am quite excited about the level of education, but depressed because of all I've left behind)...

In my hometown, I began a relationship with my current girlfriend. She is wonderful in every way I could possibly conceive, and I love her to pieces...but, comparatively, our relationship has been very short. And, we started the relationship in the full knowledge that I was moving...so we had prepared for it mentally, but we haven't had nearly as long as other couples to establish a complete foundation of trust and honesty that is necessary to successfully stick out a long distance relationship.

She is very attractive, and merely a week after I moved away, she has already had 4 other men make advances on her, in the full knowledge that I am now away...I know that she feels the same way as I do about our relationship, and I am more or less coming to terms with the fact that she wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't do...but because of our separation, I can't help but feel a constant, incessant feeling that she will find someone more attractive than I, and will be drawn to him in my absence. The more disturbing fact...she even seems more insecure about the fidelity of our relationship than I do! I've been here for nearly 2 weeks, I don't even know enough people here to have been given the briefest opportunity to talk to a teenage female. Yet she expresses more open concern than even I do..

Perhaps my fundamental problem lies with the fact that we desperately want to trust that the other will choose the right decision and wait until the time we can be together...but the trust simply isn't there yet. Any comments on the subject would be appreciated with open arms. Thanks in advance.

-Jorge

Edit: I think that perhaps the most amusing aspect of this entire situation...I'm going to be a physics major, she is a poet...irony.

 

[Evo]

Hi all. I'm a 16 year old going into my junior year of high school, getting my IB in Physics...and I've just moved 350 miles away from my hometown to go to this preppy new high school (I am quite excited about the level of education, but depressed because of all I've left behind)...

In my hometown, I began a relationship with my current girlfriend. She is wonderful in every way I could possibly conceive, and I love her to pieces...but, comparatively, our relationship has been very short. And, we started the relationship in the full knowledge that I was moving...so we had prepared for it mentally, but we haven't had nearly as long as other couples to establish a complete foundation of trust and honesty that is necessary to successfully stick out a long distance relationship.

She is very attractive, and merely a week after I moved away, she has already had 4 other men make advances on her, in the full knowledge that I am now away...I know that she feels the same way as I do about our relationship, and I am more or less coming to terms with the fact that she wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't do...but because of our separation, I can't help but feel a constant, incessant feeling that she will find someone more attractive than I, and will be drawn to him in my absence. The more disturbing fact...she even seems more insecure about the fidelity of our relationship than I do! I've been here for nearly 2 weeks, I don't even know enough people here to have been given the briefest opportunity to talk to a teenage female. Yet she expresses more open concern than even I do..

Perhaps my fundamental problem lies with the fact that we desperately want to trust that the other will choose the right decision and wait until the time we can be together...but the trust simply isn't there yet. Any comments on the subject would be appreciated with open arms. Thanks in advance.

-Jorge

So very young.

When I was your age, *my* rule was that I only dated steadily during the 3 month summer break, but once school started, no dating. I knew getting setrious at that age wasn't a good idea. Most of my girlfriends weren't even allowed to wear makeup until their 16th birthday (no dating) and only group dates until age 18. My parents were much more liberal.

 

[theJorge551]

So very young.

When I was your age, *my* rule was that I only dated steadily during the 3 month summer break, but once school started, no dating. I knew getting setrious at that age wasn't a good idea. Most of my girlfriends weren't even allowed to wear makeup until their 16th birthday (no dating) and only group dates until age 18. My parents were much more liberal.

I am aware, we are tragically young to be dealing with such seriousness in our relationship...and I am also aware that getting into anything serious during my studies could be a hindrance, but I'm more than willing to try, to make it work. I am good at prioritizing; if I notice any negative consequences of the whole thing on my near or distant future, I'll adjust my circumstances accordingly.

It just seems to me that the relationship has less of a chance of hindering my work, if I don't have to constantly worry that my girlfriend is seeing other men.

 

[Math Is Hard]

It just seems to me that the relationship has less of a chance of hindering my work, if I don't have to constantly worry that my girlfriend is seeing other men.

So, basically, you don't trust her. That's going to make the relationship very difficult.

 

[Pengwuino]

Welcome to Life.

There is no right answer for this problem or anything anyone can say that will help. You just need to suck it up and live your life and hope she doesn't cheat on you. Hell, even if you're married to someone they could cheat on you. Everything else will just come naturally.

 

[theJorge551]

So, basically, you don't trust her. That's going to make the relationship very difficult.

If I had complete trust in her, I probably wouldn't have posted this...

 

[AUK 1138]

imo your lack of trust comes from a lack of confidence. you're scared she'll find a better man because you think such a man exists. that is your flaw. Until you realize this, there will always be a better man.