Can Old Sayings Get a Modern Twist?

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The discussion revolves around the humorous modification of clichés and proverbs, encouraging participants to creatively twist familiar sayings. Various examples are shared, showcasing playful takes on phrases like "A bird in the hand..." and "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," often incorporating self-deprecating humor and absurdity. Participants engage in a light-hearted exchange, crafting new versions of sayings that reflect contemporary experiences or humorous observations, such as "Slept like a baby," reinterpreted to highlight the frustrations of restless sleep. The conversation also touches on the complexities of seemingly simple tasks, illustrated through exaggerated scenarios, like the difficulties of "shooting fish in a barrel." Overall, the thread emphasizes creativity, wit, and the joy of language play.
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There is a pretty bright group of people here, so this could be fun. Just start with the cliche' and then tell us your modification.

Such as:
"My mind is like a steel trap." It used to be sharp, but it's getting rusty.

Something like that. Make up a few or share some that you've heard.

Here is a site for cliche's that you could work with. have fun.

http://www.clichesite.com/categories.asp"
 
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Here's another:

Over the hill.

I don't mind being over the hill, but now my brakes are failing!
 
"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

But you can't learn how to lick yourself either.
 
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If time flies like an arrow, why do fruit flies like a banana?
 
I like it DaveC426913.

"You can lead a horse to water..." but he's not going to build a boat.
 
Those could work.

"A bird in the hand..." will probably make your fingers stink.
 
More a mixture than a modification, I guess, but I like to say 'you can lead a horse to fire, but you can't make him smoke'.
 
Does the pope s**t in the woods?
 
  • #10
"One in the hand is worth two in the bush" or well what ever else you want to think about while you have one in the hand.

"Never count yer chikens before they hatch" you may feel like an omlette in the morning.
 
  • #11
"I got it straight from the horse's mouth." what, horse spit?
 
  • #12
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Actually, that one's already a bit weird.
 
  • #13
"Many a mickle makes a muckle" if you are martian.
 
  • #14
"A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the statement of an agreeable untruth" and flirtation is a means to an end.
 
  • #15
A little self-defecating humor is always appreciated.

Send us your poor, huddled, well-educated masses.

Be happy; don't worry. Got some extra change, dude?

Four out of five doctors prefer three out of four dentists.

I could be wrong, but as a matter of practice, let's assume that I'm not.
 
  • #16
"I don't know what the weapons of WWIII will be but I know the Weapons of world War IV will be fought with sticks and stones"Albert Einstien
So during WWIII there going to have cool time weapons and then there going to go back to the stone age and the have fight sticks stones for WWIV to get there time machine back
 
  • #17
"That's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel"

First you have to find a barrel that has fish in it, if you don't have a gun, then you need a permit and that can take weeks to process, then you have to get a gun, load it, learn how it works, then you have to tgry and shoot the fish (if they are still alive after several weeks in the barrel without food), then you have to account for refraction so the fish isn't really where you are aiming, but I guess after missing a few times and shooting a few holes in the barrel so the water drains out, leaving the fish sitting on the bottom, where it would be easy to shoot them.
 
  • #18
"Money makes the world go around" I just want enough to keep my car going.
 
  • #19
Ghosts were people too.

A mummy is something that never stops giving.” – a noted archeologist

Flying a plane is like riding a bike...it’s just harder to put the baseball cards in the spokes.
-Robert Stack; Airplane.

Caution: Objects in mirror are more confused than they appear

Gloria: Do you know that 60 percent of all deaths in America are caused by guns?
Archie Bunker: Would it make you feel any better if dey was pushed out of windows?
---Carol OConner; All in the Family

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence – you can take comfort in the fact that if something doesn't exist, it won't be detected.

Know thyself - but not before ball games or wrestling matches.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step - no, it begins with a map.

And the lion will lie down with the lamb...at least until dinner time.

A. Einstein: “God doesn’t play dice” [with the universe]
Niels Bohr: “Who are you to say what God does?”

Such a tangled web we weave when first we practice to perceive.

I estimate that I will publish in about 10^24 years

"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after."
 
  • #20
OK, I don't know if this is exactly what you had in mind for this thread, but I have to start it off with a story (and I may even get bleeped along the way here). Ooooh... intrigue!

A guy walks into a doctor's office complaining about a problem. The doctor asks what the problem is. He replied "Well, it's like this, Doc. Every time I fart, it sounds like "Honda!""

The doctor is taken aback when he hears this. He says "Can you fart now?". So the guy does it, and yes, it does sounds like "Honda".

The doctor ponders a bit and says that it is a very unusual situation. "We will have to do some tests, and you should come back next week when we have them in", the doctor says.

So next week arrives and the guy comes back to see the doctor.

"Good news", the doctor exclaims. "It was just a bad case of abscess in your stomach. We can give you some medication that should take care of that."

So the guy gets the prescription for the medication and walks away happy.

Moral of the story: Abscess Makes Your Fart Goes Honda!

:)

[Well, that IS a modification of an old saying, no?!]

Zz.
 
  • #21
Jesus is my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

Look both ways before crossing the road - that way you'll see who's about to run you over.

Money is the root of all evil, and a man needs his roots.

If we were all octopi, would several suckers be born every minute?

Love thy neighbor - but don't get caught by her husband.
 
  • #22
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" - no, it begins with a trip to the bathroom.
 
  • #23
Artman said:
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" - no, it begins with a trip to the bathroom.

...and a pot of coffee.
 
  • #24
Artman said:
"That's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel"

First you have to find a barrel that has fish in it, if you don't have a gun, then you need a permit and that can take weeks to process, then you have to get a gun, load it, learn how it works, then you have to tgry and shoot the fish (if they are still alive after several weeks in the barrel without food), then you have to account for refraction so the fish isn't really where you are aiming, but I guess after missing a few times and shooting a few holes in the barrel so the water drains out, leaving the fish sitting on the bottom, where it would be easy to shoot them.
Then of course, if the stupid barrel is too close to houses you would have to move it before shooting the fish, which means moving about 50 gallons of water at 8.33 lbs per gallon so that's 416.5 pounds of water, which means getting containers to transport the water to the new barrel location, and move the fish...It should say as hard as shooting fish in a barrel.
 
  • #25
Artman said:
Then of course, if the stupid barrel is too close to houses you would have to move it before shooting the fish, which means moving about 50 gallons of water at 8.33 lbs per gallon so that's 416.5 pounds of water, which means getting containers to transport the water to the new barrel location, and move the fish...It should say as hard as shooting fish in a barrel.

It becomes a lot easier if you use a full grown tuna.
 
  • #26
matthyaouw said:
It becomes a lot easier if you use a full grown tuna.
:smile: :smile: :smile: Excellent point.
 
  • #27
"As easy as shooting fish in a barrel"

I can see:
As pointless as shooting fish in a barrel. If they're in a barrel, just dump them out and pick up the ones you want.

As difficult as shooting fish in a barrel. (See above explanations)

As illegal as shooting fish in a barrel. This can't be legal, can it?

As frustrating as shooting fish in a barrel. If the fish are tiny fast little buggers, it would be next to impossible to shoot them, factoring in the effects of refraction, the darkness of the insides of the barrel, etc.

As gawd-awful-stupid as shooting fish in a barrel. What kind of moron does this anyway?

As dangerous as shooting fish in a barrel. What if the bullet hits a barrel stay and ricochets somewhere?

You want easy fish, go to the store and buy a can of tuna.
 
  • #28
"Slept like a baby."

You know, tossing and turning all night, waking up every half hour crying, then get up hungry and cranky.
 
  • #29
Artman said:
"As easy as shooting fish in a barrel"
...or if you're using a double-barrel rifle : "As easy as shooting a pair of fish in your barrels"...see ! :biggrin:
 
  • #30
Artman said:
"As easy as shooting fish in a barrel"

I can see:
As pointless as shooting fish in a barrel. If they're in a barrel, just dump them out and pick up the ones you want.

As difficult as shooting fish in a barrel. (See above explanations)

As illegal as shooting fish in a barrel. This can't be legal, can it?

As frustrating as shooting fish in a barrel. If the fish are tiny fast little buggers, it would be next to impossible to shoot them, factoring in the effects of refraction, the darkness of the insides of the barrel, etc.

As gawd-awful-stupid as shooting fish in a barrel. What kind of moron does this anyway?

As dangerous as shooting fish in a barrel. What if the bullet hits a barrel stay and ricochets somewhere?

You want easy fish, go to the store and buy a can of tuna.

Got to thinking about the legallity issue.

Police - Sir, cease what you are doing and put the gun down.

Me - Who me? But I have a right to bear arms.

Police - We'll read you your rights after you put down the gun.

Me - Yessir.

Police - What were you doing?

Me - Shooting fish.

Police - In a barrel?

Me - Yessir.

Police - Why are you doing it?

Me - Someone said it was easy.

Police - Was it easy?

Me - Not so far. I had to find a barrel, put it out here in the woods, haul out 450 lbs of water to fill it, find a bunch of fish to put in it, then every time I blast them, I miss the fish and splash water all over me. I haven't even hit a fish yet and my barrel's full of holes, I'm soaked, frustrated...

Police - Gawd-awful-stupid...

Me - Yeah.

Police - Why didn't you just NOT put the fish in in the first place?

Me - (Knocks himself in the head) Doh!
 
  • #31
Alien: Excuse me, could you help me fix my spaceship?
Earthling: piece of cake
Alien: no, spaceship, see the rockets underneath? Can you help me?
Earthling: easy as shooting fish in a barrel
Alien: You try that and the Salmonians of Tuna VI will declare war.
Earthling: You misunderstood me, fixing your spaceship will be as easy as pie.
Alien: 3.1415...it goes on forever you call that easy?
Earthling: Perhaps we just aren't seeing eye to eye.
Alien: Of course we are, what else would we see with our butts? You are starting to anger me.
Earthling: Don't get all bent out of shape.
Alien: Is that a threat you hairless biped?
Earthling: I didn't mean to rub you the wrong way.
Alien: There is no right way either. You touch me and I'll rip your damn arms off.
Earthling: This isn't working. We're just spinning our wheels here.
Alien: You making fun of my method of locomotion? Well I think legs are stupid.
Earthling: Look we must have gotten off on the wrong foot. let's just fix your spaceship.
Alien: YOU got off on the wrong foot. I don't have feet you little punk. But can you fix my ship?
Earthling: I may be grasping at straws here, but shouldn't this switch be flipped on?
Alien: Those are not straws that is the flux capacitor, maybe someone else could help me. Oh wait, that should be on. Thank you. I will leave now
Earthling: That sounds like a plan
Alien: No it sounds like a spaceship. I just hope it will get me home.
Earthling: We'll keep our fingers crossed.
Alien: That does it! first the feet comment, now this? Just because you have fingers doesn't mean you are superior. You need tentacles to fire one of these Carbonizor Mark Vs.
Earthling: I guess if you must kill me at least I'll go out in a blaze of glory.
Alien: First thing you've said correctly since I met you. <zzzzaaappp>
 
  • #32
tribdog said:
Alien: Excuse me, could you help me fix my spaceship?
Earthling: piece of cake
Alien: no, spaceship, see the rockets underneath? Can you help me?...
This is great trib! :smile: :smile: :smile:
 
  • #33
"Blow in my ear..." and I'll stand up and turn sideways. :-p :biggrin:
 
  • #34
Artman said:
This is great trib! :smile: :smile: :smile:


Like my German Professor used to say: Now that we have that behind our belts... :biggrin:
 
  • #35
"Time waits for no man." But every man waits for their woman.


(Just kidding, really. My wife waits more for me than I do for her.)

(Artman ducks and runs out.)
 
  • #36
Toby, or not Toby, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler as a man to suffer
the stings and arrows of his outrageous fortune,
Or, to take harms against his spear of troubles,
and by opposing, deflate it?
 
  • #37
One of my favorite modifications of an old saying was in a birthday card I got years ago.

There was a caveman that wanted to move a huge rock, so he thought, he could use a lever and probably move the rock, or he could get his extremely strong friend Nate to move it for him. He finally decided to get Nate to move it.

The moral of the story was: "Better Nate than lever." :-p :biggrin:
 
  • #38
Smart caveman!
 
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  • #39
to bee or not to bee, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler
in a man to stuff it,
in the sinks and burrows of an outraged unfortunate
or, to show charms to a sea of couples
and by imposing, end them?
 
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  • #40
arildno said:
to bee or not to bee, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler
in a man to stuff it,
in the sinks and burrows of an outraged unfortunate
or, to show charms to a sea of couples
and by imposing, end them?
I like this one. Very sharp.
:wink: :biggrin:
 
  • #41
How about:

Tubby, or not tubby. that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pangs of hunger or indulge whims, or to take arms against a sea of buffets, And by opposing get trim?
 
  • #42
To die, to sleep-
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural f*cks
That flesh is heir to.
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd..
 
  • #43
Artman said:
How about:

Tubby, or not tubby. that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pangs of hunger or indulge whims, or to take arms against a sea of buffets, And by opposing get trim?
Verry good!
 
  • #44
don't walk around naked in a glass house.
 
  • #45
That depends on your size.
 
  • #46
"It's not the size of the boat, its the motion of the ocean."

It's not the size of the boat, It's how you dock it.
 
  • #47
Also, it is easier to dock in a well-trafficked harbour where lots of expertise awaits you.
 
  • #48
Artman said:
The moral of the story was: "Better Nate than lever." :-p :biggrin:

That reminds of the guy who had a clone who constantly used foul language. Eventually the man became so digusted with his clone, and his nasty mouth, that he threw him off the roof an killed him. He was later arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
 
  • #49
Artman said:
"Slept like a baby."

You know, tossing and turning all night, waking up every half hour crying, then get up hungry and cranky.
Or speaking of one's manhood -

Hung like a baby ---- 12 inches long and weighing 8 lb.
 
  • #50
3D or not 3D what's your impression?
Whether that boulder filled scene
seemed to spring off the screen
as an overhead shower.
How's your ears, the cardboard glasses
by wearing, did cut them?
 

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