Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice

[mugaliens]

When chuck Norris was born the lions tried to abduct him and raise him as their own kid!

No. When Chuck Norris was born, he abucted all lions and finished raising them.

 

[nismaratwork]

I'm just teasing, but I found it amusing nonetheless.

It was very amusing, I'd even say outright funny.

Chuck Norris can kick an abacus into a microprocessor.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't eat zuchini. He roundhouse kicks it into prime rib, cooked medium-well.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks a cow. He doesn't buy steaks, either. Same cow.

 

[mugaliens]

Some say Chuck Norris was spoon-fed as a child. Not true. Chuck Norris was never a child.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't find wool scratchy. Wool finds Chuck Norris scratchy.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't wrestle alligators. He eats them. Whole.

 

[mugaliens]

When Chuck Norris stumbled across Gilligan's Island during a morning swim, he roundhouse kicked the island and it's castaways to Hawaii. After learning how goofy they were, he roundhouse kicked them to another desert island.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris wrote, produced, directed, and acted in the movie Kick-***, as well as all other action adventure movies made since the 1300's.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris once flicked a booger into outer space. It became the AllSpark.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't polish furniture. It polishes him.

 

[mugaliens]

The FBI and CIA once investigated Chuck Norris. They lost.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes to the IRS. They pay taxes to him.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't do laundry. The dirt flies off his clothes in fear.

 

[Hurkyl]

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris knocks on door.

 

[mugaliens]

Vladimir Putin fears no man.

Except Chuck Norris.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris once scanned a document, and inadvertantly created the Library of Congress.

 

[mugaliens]

When Chuck Norris speaks, E.F. Hutton listens.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris was hungry, but tired of the usual faire, so he roundhouse kicked a monkey into the world's first banana.

 

[mugaliens]

The doctor didn't take Chuck Norris' appendix out. He took her out. She was cute.

 

[mugaliens]

While visiting Egypt, a camel inadvertantly brushed up against Chuck Norris' sleeve, so he roundhouse kicked it a few thousand years into the past, thereby creating the Great Pyramids.

 

[mugaliens]

Ever wonder why we've never been visited by aliens?

Yep, you guessed it. Chuck Norris.

 

[mugaliens]

We didn't actually drop the bomb on Japan. We dropped Chuck Norris.

Twice.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris is the real father, and mother, of every human on the planet.

 

[mugaliens]

It took Egypt sixteen centuries to build the sixteen Great Pyramids. It took Chuck Norris sixteen seconds to destroy the thirteen he didn't like.

 

[mugaliens]

Continental drift? Nope. Chuck Norris.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris never visited Europe.

Europe visited Chuck Norris.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't take out the trash. He kicks it out.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't fix his own cars. They fix themselves as he's walking towards them.

 

[mugaliens]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep on a bed. The bed sleeps under Chuck Norris.