Collection of Lame Jokes

[Vanadium 50]

What happens when you play country music backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your dog back, you get your truck back...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

​

 

[mfb]

@Dale: What happened there?

 

[OCR]

Yeah, a very smart fellow. .

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

What happens when you play country music backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your dog back, you get your truck back...

And you hear reverse-recorded messages that Elvis is alive.

 

[jtbell]

Why do fairies sprinkle mist in the morning?

They're doing their dew diligence.

 

[fresh_42]

And you hear reverse-recorded messages that Elvis is alive.

Well, you know he only left the planet.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers. I didn't even know that she sold them.

 

[Steelwolf]

Since Washington State made hemp use legal the flower sales have skyrocketed!

 

[mfb]

My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers. I didn't even know that she sold them.

That is one of the jokes that only works when told like that. If you try to include a literal quote (from the wife complaining) it fails because "You don't buy me flowers" and "you don't buy my flowers" are different.

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

This pun is abysmal.

 

[davenn]

​

... Why don't they come to their senses?

 

[Bandersnatch]

This pun is abysmal.

It's unfathomably bad. (But then again, there's some depth to it)

 

[DrClaude]

It's unfathomably bad. (But then again, there's some depth to it)

That joke really krakens me up!

 

[jtbell]

You guys are all wet.

 

[Ibix]

You guys are all wet.

I don't think they mined about your insults.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Steelwolf]

Did you hear that Texas A&M has a new program to help their History students remember their courses better, it is called Aggiemnemnonics.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 244841​

... Why don't they come to their senses?

So, no The Eagles fans here, huh ?

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

Patient: "My left knee has started to hurt a bit."

Doctor: "Well, you're 65, you have to expect more aches and pains as you get older."

Patient: "But my other knee is 65, too, and it feels OK."

 

[fresh_42]

Patient: "Doc, I think I'm a dog."

Psychiatrist: "Get off the couch!"

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

It took me longer, than it should have, to get this one when I first saw it
How about you ?

 

[strangerep]

It took me longer, than it should have, to get this one when I first saw it
How about you ?

About 2 secs -- it's easier if you say them aloud.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 244957

It took me longer, than it should have, to get this one when I first saw it
How about you ?

I think I've read it three times before I got it. I was caught in the loop what makes a pig different from the other ones.

 

[davenn]

I was caught in the loop what makes a pig different from the other ones.

ahhh yeah, that would have thrown you off track

It took me 5 - 10 mins to put the "pigs call late" and the way the lower right pic looks

 

[256bits]

I don't see any Cow, Sheep nor Pig Celery.

 

[Steelwolf]

Well, they finally found why the Israeli moon lander Berensheet crashed. It seems that the tank they used for oxidizer for that landing phase was somehow filled with a mass lightly smoked salmon fillet instead of the Liquified Oxygen that it Should have had.

 

[Ibix]

Now that one took me a moment to figure out.

 

[fresh_42]

Back to the roots. Here comes a real lame one:

Q: What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother?
A: Brocco Lee.

 

[Steelwolf]

Yeah Ibex, it was one of those international translation things, like the Mars Lander with FPS and MPS mixed up, someone made a wrong assumption and ruined all that salmon. Seems it does not feed through the thrusters worth a darn.

 

[BillTre]

 

[strangerep]

I don't see any Cow, Sheep nor Pig Celery.

Too subtle. (That one took me about 5 secs.)

 

[strangerep]

... Israeli smoked salmon fillet...

Now that one took me a moment to figure out.

Me too -- I had to Google it.

 

[Ibix]

Here comes a real lame one:

No, when a lame joke comes along it sounds like step, drag, step, drag, step, drag.

 

[Ibix]

Seems it does not feed through the thrusters worth a darn.

I see why you wrote darn - because salmon feeds through dams quite well. Or over them, at least.

 

[Ibix]

Me too -- I had to Google it.

Other way around for me. Liquid oxygen? LO? LO2? LOx... oh I get it...

 

[mfb]

To save Google some more computing power: Lox is a way to prepare salmon. LOX is Liquid OXygen.

 

[fresh_42]

Q: Why do cows have hooves?

A: Because they lactose.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Steelwolf]

A friend of mine pointed out that Berensheet crashed due to an incidence of sheer bad Lox.

Or to mis-quote an old old song from TV Comedy:

"If It Weren't fer Bad Lox I'd Have No Lox At All, Gloom, Despair and Agony on me..." (Google: Hee Haw, Television, Comedy)

Heck, Google should be paying me with all the traffic I redirect!

 

[Steelwolf]

And Ibix, with the lame puns, as I pointed out earlier, the reason we come across so many of the Lame Puns is because all the good, healthy ones run away unless unique up on them carefully.

 

[davenn]

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