Collection of Lame Jokes

[strangerep]

There are 30 cows in a field.
28 chickens.
How many didn't?

10?

 

[DaveC426913]

There are 30 cows in a field.
28 chickens.
How many didn't?

I just saw this one on America's Funniest Home People!

(And thought to myself, that would never work in print...)

 

[davenn]

There are 30 cows in a field.
28 chickens.
How many didn't?

I just saw this one on America's Funniest Home People!

(And thought to myself, that would never work in print...)

yeah ... it has gone over my head LOL

 

[DaveC426913]

Spoiler: Spoiler

Twenty ate chickens.

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: Spoiler

Twenty ate chickens.

Sure? Maybe only two ate chicken.

 

[DaveC426913]

Sure? Maybe only two ate chicken.

Well, that's why it's a verbal joke.

 

[strangerep]

Sure? Maybe only two ate chicken.

That was my first thought too. But one says "twenty eight", not "two eight".

 

[davenn]

beware the ide's of March

 

[collinsmark]

Why would cows be eating chickens in the first place? It just doesn't make sense. What is going on around me in this world?!

 

[davenn]

Why would cows be eating chickens in the first place? It just doesn't make sense.

this is true ... when did they change from vegetarians to carnivores ... did I miss a memo or board meeting ??

 

[Borg]

They have a secret agenda...

 

[DrClaude]

Why would cows be eating chickens in the first place? It just doesn't make sense. What is going on around me in this world?!

this is true ... when did they change from vegetarians to carnivores ... did I miss a memo or board meeting ??

Don't you know how mad cow disease spread?

 

[phinds]

Did you ever get half way through eating a horse and then realize you really weren't that hungry after all?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

A)

Where does a lizard go when it tail falls off?

The retail store. : - )

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autotomy

Heard this one:
Where do animals go when their tails fall off?The retail store.

..hee ..hee.. hee..right?

... Copyright problem here ...

B)

You ask why I bought shoes from a drug dealer?
He was the sole supplier.

What about the rest of the shoe?

 

[fresh_42]

What about the rest of the shoe?

The rest of the shoe consisted of beautiful crystal mats.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The rest of the show consisted of beautiful crystal mats.

Show or shoe?

 

[fresh_42]

Show or shoe?

Ooops.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The rest of the shoe consisted of beautiful crystal mats.

You mean the magic ones that turn into dust! ... and beyond ...
Then that explains why he was tripping ...

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.You ask why I bought shoes from a drug dealer?
He was the sole supplier.

 

[davenn]

a good laugh ...

 

[Aufbauwerk 2045]

There were two brothers from Scotland. They went into the transportation industry, taking people between Glasgow and nearby small towns.

The business went very well, until one day there was a tragic accident. One of the brothers broke his neck.

 

[jtbell]

I just saw this one on America's Funniest Home People!

Ha! You outed one of my prime sources!

(I think you meant "Videos" not "People".)

 

[BillTre]

Well, that's why it's a verbal joke.

Here is a print joke that does not work verbally:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

There were two brothers from Scotland. They went into the transportation industry, taking people between Glasgow and nearby small towns.

The business went very well, until one day there was a tragic accident. One of the brothers broke his neck.

Quite a business! Fast too! ...

 

[phinds]

Here is a print joke that does not work verbally:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.

Well, you do and I do so that makes 10 of us.

 

[fresh_42]

Well, you do and I do so that makes 10 of us.

11.

 

[mfb]

100

 

[BillTre]

This might make a decent series progression question for a SAT test.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Here is a print joke that does not work verbally:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.

Well, you do and I do so that makes 10 of us.

... or it's a regular 10 (ten) ... and he doesn't! ...

 

[DaveC426913]

(I think you meant "Videos" not "People".)

There used to be two shows aired simultaneously: AFHV and AFP.
My wife kept getting them confused and calling them America's Funniest Home People. So it stuck.

 

[DaveC426913]

There were two brothers from Scotland. They went into the transportation industry, taking people between Glasgow and nearby small towns.

The business went very well, until one day there was a tragic accident. One of the brothers broke his neck.

Either I am a dunce, or you have a morbid sense of humour.