Collection of Lame Jokes

[dextercioby]

 

[nsaspook]

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2024/12/12/japan/crime-legal/don-juan-kishu-ruling/
28-year-old widow of ‘Don Juan of Kishu’ acquitted of his murder

Spoiler

The Wakayama District Court ruled that there was reasonable doubt that Saki Sudo, who admitted she married the 77-year-old Kosuke Nozaki for money but denied murdering him, killed him in May 2018 to obtain his inheritance. He had about ¥1.3 billion in assets.

Sudo kill -9 husband

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

Is someone in America giving away state secrets to the Australians again?

 

[BillTre]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[berkeman]

 

[dwarde]

 

[jrmichler]

It's already happened.

In 1979, the UW Madison student government election was won by the Pail and Shovel Party. They made three campaign promises:
1) Cover Bascom Hill with pink flamingos
2) Bring the Statue of Liberty to Lake Mendota
3) Then party until the money was gone.

It's probably the only time in history when a political party fulfilled every one of their campaign promises. And I missed it. I had graduated the year before.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

I'm back in the land of strangeness (Florida) at my sister's place and saw this which is not that unusual here.

This tree deserves props.

 

[dwarde]

Family Christmas photo.

 

[Tom.G]

I'm back in the land of strangeness (Florida) at my sister's place and saw this which is not that unusual here.
View attachment 354739

This tree deserves props.

That looks like a Palm tree, one that has been over-watered for much of its life.
Most trees send their roots down to search for water, and palms are known for their massive tap roots that go straight down.

Over-watering eliminates the need to search for water and causes trees in general to spread roots horizontally near the surface.

When a good wind comes along, the trees are blown over because there is not enough soil weight above their roots to hold them.

Oh Well!

 

[BillTre]

That looks like a Palm tree, one that has been over-watered for much of its life.
Most trees send their roots down to search for water, and palms are known for their massive tap roots that go straight down.

Over-watering eliminates the need to search for water and causes trees in general to spread roots horizontally near the surface.

When a good wind comes along, the trees are blown over because there is not enough soil weight above their roots to hold them.

Oh Well!

Well, its Florida and on a commercial property, so over-watering not surprising.
I would guess many of the trees on commercial properties in Florida were grown in some kind of nursery.
I actually have seen some blown over palm tree stumps like you described.

 

[berkeman]

Dedicated to @phinds

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

Gosh, @pinball1970 , this British comedian is hilarious :

England vs Scotland


If Russia invades the UK

 

[pinball1970]

Gosh, @pinball1970 , this British comedian is hilarious :

England vs Scotland


If Russia invades the UK

Not a huge fan of British stand up, that sketch was quite funny though.
The Millwall part was probably based on the terrorist attack on London Bridge.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/06/millwall-fan-roy-larner-london-bridge-attackers

 

[Borg]

Not a huge fan of British stand up, that sketch was quite funny though.
The Millwall part was probably based on the terrorist attack on London Bridge.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/06/millwall-fan-roy-larner-london-bridge-attackers

I prefer this type of attack on London Bridge.
https://www.seattletimes.com/busine...gon-google-maps-thought-it-was-a-traffic-jam/

 

[Ibix]

What kind of bird is good at maths?

A mathema-chicken.

 

[dwarde]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[jtbell]

Speaking of musicians, and since I've been ripping some CDs of historic classical recordings...

Around 1950, big-name pianist Arthur Rubinstein, violinist Jascha Heifetz, and cellist Gregor Piatigorsky got together to do some concerts. By convention, in a piano trio the pianist's name always comes first, so they were billed as the Rubinstein-Heifetz-Piatigorsky Trio.

Heifetz argued that since he was so famous, he ought to come first, or at least they should rotate the names.

Rubinstein retorted, "Jascha, if you were God, it would still be Rubinstein-God-Piatigorsky!"

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

​

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[DennisN]

Furniture advice!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Swamp Thing]

Is it an accident of perspective, or is the dog... um..

 

[jtbell]

I wouldn't want to smoke anything that's been hidden down there.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I wouldn't want to smoke anything that's been hidden down there.

How can you be sure you haven't?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[jtbell]

Where do snowmen (and snowwomen) go dancing?

A snowball!

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

Well technically, it's before the second c.

If you paint the letters correctly, it could be before the red c.

 

[WWGD]

My brother has a daughter, Denise. Now his wife is pregnant, with a boy. They'll call him Denephew .

 

[WWGD]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 355009

So what's the salad? Barley and hops?

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 355010

And then there's "I read it on the internet somewhere."

 

[Ivan Seeking]