Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Hamiltonian]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2...aking-90-covid-jabs-to-sell-vaccination-cards

A 60-year-old man allegedly had himself vaccinated against Covid-19 dozens of times in Germany in order to sell vaccination cards to people who did not want to get the jab themselves.

The man from the eastern Germany city of Magdeburg, whose name was not released in line with German privacy rules, is said to have received up to 90 shots against Covid at vaccination centres in Saxony for months until he was caught by police, the German news agency dpa reported on Sunday.

I think I have a good alibi to offer to this man , he simply needs to say he wanted to be "better safe than sorry"

And he was "hooked" on the melody of Michael Jackson's song "Don't stop 'till you get enough"

Some excerpts from the MJ song that might be relevant after his 90th vaccine dose...

Fever, temperatures rising now
Power is the force, the vow

Touch me and I feel on fire
Ain't nothing like a love desire
I'm melting (I'm melting)
Like hot candle wax
Sensation (oh sensation)

 

[Bandersnatch]

View attachment 299805

There should also be a Bunsen burner underneath the whole lot, ever so slowly heating it all up.

 

[artis]

Sperm bank - the only bank in the world where "frozen assets" are a good thing...

 

[pinball1970]

 

[DrGreg]

I tried to use a Pritt Stick as lip salve.

Did it work? My lips are sealed.

 

[pinball1970]

Dr gives a woman 6 months to live.

He advises her to marry a chemist and move to Toledo.

The woman asks, “Will this cure my illness?”

“No,” replies the doctor, “but it will make six months seem like a very long time.”

 

[jack action]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 299769

That Pizza looks awesome, chillies one side and pepperoni on the other. I would be pressing the play button for some guy to bring one to me, now!

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

I just found a fun page with "demotivators": Demotivators - the Motivational Posters for the Rest of Us!

And here is a page with pictures in higher resolution: https://despair.com/collections/all

Two examples:

 

[phinds]

and another I've always liked ...

 

[DennisN]

Oh my god, this one is also hilarious:

 

[pinball1970]

Oh my god, this one is also hilarious:

View attachment 299837

Four love reactions in a row? They were THAT good! Edit , now the post makes sense

 

[pinball1970]

Oh my god, this one is also hilarious:

View attachment 299837

Is that it's young Dennis? Some of the mothers do that.
Yeah scrap that. It's too big, it's eating it. Nature is horrific.

 

[DennisN]

Is that it's young Dennis?

I don't know. Biology is not one of my strengths (even though I'm interested in animals).
Yes, it's a horrific picture, but the text is so funny.

 

[jack action]

View attachment 299832

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Mount Rushmore:

Each president was originally to be depicted from head to waist, but lack of funding forced construction to end on October 31, 1941.

A model at the site depicting Mount Rushmore's intended final design after Jefferson was relocated and "before funding ran out"

 

[DennisN]

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Mount Rushmore

Ok. But I still think that construction is rock solid.

 

[pinball1970]

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Mount Rushmore:

THAT would have been something. National trust crap would have stopped us Brits from doing similar.

 

[DennisN]

National trust crap would have stopped us Brits from doing similar.

Don't be sad. You've got the amazing British Museum. It's full of British, eh, sorry, I mean... foreign stuff.

(I've been to the museum once, but it was only a quick visit)

Edit: I'm actually a big fan of British history. I once traveled through England, Wales and Scotland with a friend where we visited a lot of cool historical places. We even went to the Orkney Islands. There has been a lot happening on the British Isles through history, and with a very interesting mix of cultures, I think. I still remember that tour fondly, it was one of the very best I've done.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Melbourne Guy]

"So," I asked my programmer friend, "how can I tell if this code is badly written?"
"No comment!"

 

[Oldman too]