Collection of Lame Jokes

[topsquark]

Get yourself a good cable setup, an app to order food, and you can stay inside for weeks at a time.

Barney Miller just has no modern day equivalent.

Dietrich! OMG!

-Dan

 

[jack action]

"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Borg]

Actually it's an Italian song about the ocean - Ode da sea.

 

[jtbell]

Coming soon to the biggest arena they can find:

Zuckerbeef vs. the Musk Ox.

 

[WWGD]

Lady told me she gave me the last of the ice she had for my drink.
" I only have ice for you".

 

[hmmm27]

Lady told me she gave me the last of the ice she had for my drink.
" I only have ice for you".

"Water, you serving everybody else ?"

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[berkeman]

From FB today:

 

[DaveC426913]

Coming soon to the biggest arena they can find:

Zuckerbeef vs. the Musk Ox.

Zuckerburger was right there!

 

[phinds]

 

[johntpl]

View attachment 329214

And the Cretan beside her in the passenger seat repeating, ‘I told you, the light is green!’

 

[jack action]

I was watching a show for about 10 minutes, and this lady was listing all of these great things to do for fun.

Then I realized that it was one of these religious channels, and she was reading a list of sins.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Invasion of the Candy People?

I prefer yellow

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

Some dark humor:

 

[jack action]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 329243​

That may explain why they crash.

 

[jack action]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 329264

Reminds me of my buddy and I exploring remote mountain roads in my truck, in Northern California. From time to time we would come to some small town, which usually had a sign warning
SLOW
CHILDREN

We always wondered why so many towns had slow children.

 

[jtbell]

A woman had a heart attack. She had a vision of God standing by her bedside.

"God, am I going to die?"

"No, you'll live another 30 years. I promise."

She did indeed recover, and decided she might as well make the most of her 30 years. She lost weight, got Botox, had a tummy-tuck, cosmetic surgery, etc. After her final procedure, she crossed the street in front of the clinic, was hit by a car, and died.

"God, what about those 30 years?"

"I didn't recognize you."

 

[Ibix]

Scientists have recently turned back time. Turns out you get "emit".

(Respect to Colin Mochrie)