Some of Lewis Grizzard's better ones:
Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
for example:
In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.
And my personal favorite, because I identify so strongly with it:
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
