Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

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If a dog poops in the forest (or a vacant lot) where nobody can smell it, does it still stink?

A few months ago I showed you this sign when it was still new. It appears that since then, some dog has expressed an opinion about it.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 347518

 

[dwarde]

 

[nsaspook]

Soviet Joke:

Three men are sitting in a cell in (the KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Square. The first asks the second why he has been imprisoned, who replies, "Because I criticized Karl Radek." The first man responds, "But I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!" They turn to the third man who has been sitting quietly in the back, and ask him why he is in jail. He answers, "I'm Karl Radek."

 

[davenn]

Karl Radek

I had to google the name to find out who he was .... interesting history

 

[berkeman]

 

[berkeman]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

They've changed the recipe. Now Popeye's chicken is cooked in Olive oil.

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

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I think we can top it: "Umfahren ist das Gegenteil von umfahren!" (Um'fahren (driving around) is the opposite of 'umfahren (driving across)!)

 

[Orodruin]

I think we can top it: "Umfahren ist das Gegenteil von umfahren!" (Um'fahren (driving around) is the opposite of 'umfahren (driving across)!)

The so-called Majorana verb

 

[WWGD]

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We drive in the Parkway.
We park in the Driveway.

 

[phinds]

We drive in the Parkway.
We park in the Driveway.

I'm getting old and there are SO many unanswered questions ... who let the dogs out ... where IS the beef ... why is "abbreviated" such a long word ... how do you get to Sesame Street ... how many lives does the coyote really have and why does he keep trying ... why doesn't Dora just use Google Maps ... why don't LED bulbs last as long as the package says ... why did all those pretty girls did not attack me when I used Hia Karate aftershave like what happened in the TV commercials ... why do people wrap brisket in foil and call it barbecue ... why are eggs packaged in flimsy paper/Styrofoam cartons while batteries are packaged in a plastic casing that even a pissed off Schwarzenegger couldn't open ... why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed ... why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway ... why do the early birds get the worm if good things come to he who waits ... why is lemonade made with artificial flavor while dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons ... why do paper towels always tell you what size they would be if they were some other size and why do they always tear anywhere BUT the perforation ... why do people hide cookies from their kids by putting them on top of the refrigerator yet leave household chemicals under the sink ... why do you have "to put your two cents in", but it's only " a penny for your thoughts" ... who gets the extra penny ... why do "The Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune ... why did you just try to sing those two songs ... just what IS Victoria's big secret ... AND ... how come I look old and fat in the mirror when my self image is young and slim? The list goes on and on.

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

The so-called Majorana verb

Almost. The emphasis is different. Similar to the question of whether neutrinos are Majorana.

 

[WWGD]

Almost. The emphasis is different. Similar to the question of whether neutrinos are Majorana.

What's with the military talk? Who's ana? Did she let the dogs out?

 

[berkeman]

Almost. The emphasis is different. Similar to the question of whether neutrinos are Majorana.

Rhut-rho...
(Runs and dives into the neutrino bomb shelter...)[/size]

 

[fresh_42]

What's with the military talk? Who's ana? Did she let the dogs out?

Wrong division. Not military, Cosa Nostra (Catania on Sicily).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Majorana

A tragedy! The only other occasion I instantly turned into a mood somewhere between depression and anger was as I read Hausdorff's vita.

 

[Orodruin]

Runs and dives into the neutrino bomb shelter..

Is that the one made from several lightyears thick lead?

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

Wrong division. Not military, Cosa Nostra (Catania on Sicily).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Majorana

A tragedy! The only other occasion I instantly turned into a mood somewhere between depression and anger was as I read Hausdorff's vita.

Hausdorff was distanced from his children. In a different neighborhood.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

Would make sense if it were hail, but its not.

 

[fresh_42]

Hausdorff was distanced from his children. In a different neighborhood.

Yes, it has different reasons, but the outcomes are similar and sad. The anger overweighs the depression in Hausdorff's case and it makes me sick, and angry again every time I think about it, especially these days.

In Majorana's case, it is more the sadness given that Fermi called him a genius.

 

[sbrothy]

A man's motorcycle has broken down in the middle of a South-American desert. On the brink of his desperate
breakdown a white llama approaches and suggests that the fuel line is clogged, and sure enough: problem solved.

Mystified he turns around but the white llama has gone.

Later, having fixed the problem and sitting at a cafe enjoying a cool drink he explains his experience to the
proprietor, who, deadpan, says:

"You got lucky Sẽnor. There's also a brown llama running around but that one knows nothing about engines."

------

Hope this one qualifies as lame enough. :P

 

[WWGD]

Sylvester Stallone will open an optical store in Siberia : ( The) Eye of the Taiga.

 

[sbrothy]

Sylvester Stallone will open an optical store in Siberia : ( The) Eye of the Taiga.

OK that one takes the cookie as lame. Respectfully, compared to you Sir, I'm an amateur!

:P