Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

They've changed the recipe. Now Popeye's chicken is cooked in Olive oil.

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 347687

I think we can top it: "Umfahren ist das Gegenteil von umfahren!" (Um'fahren (driving around) is the opposite of 'umfahren (driving across)!)

 

[Orodruin]

I think we can top it: "Umfahren ist das Gegenteil von umfahren!" (Um'fahren (driving around) is the opposite of 'umfahren (driving across)!)

The so-called Majorana verb

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 347687

We drive in the Parkway.
We park in the Driveway.

 

[phinds]

We drive in the Parkway.
We park in the Driveway.

I'm getting old and there are SO many unanswered questions ... who let the dogs out ... where IS the beef ... why is "abbreviated" such a long word ... how do you get to Sesame Street ... how many lives does the coyote really have and why does he keep trying ... why doesn't Dora just use Google Maps ... why don't LED bulbs last as long as the package says ... why did all those pretty girls did not attack me when I used Hia Karate aftershave like what happened in the TV commercials ... why do people wrap brisket in foil and call it barbecue ... why are eggs packaged in flimsy paper/Styrofoam cartons while batteries are packaged in a plastic casing that even a pissed off Schwarzenegger couldn't open ... why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed ... why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway ... why do the early birds get the worm if good things come to he who waits ... why is lemonade made with artificial flavor while dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons ... why do paper towels always tell you what size they would be if they were some other size and why do they always tear anywhere BUT the perforation ... why do people hide cookies from their kids by putting them on top of the refrigerator yet leave household chemicals under the sink ... why do you have "to put your two cents in", but it's only " a penny for your thoughts" ... who gets the extra penny ... why do "The Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune ... why did you just try to sing those two songs ... just what IS Victoria's big secret ... AND ... how come I look old and fat in the mirror when my self image is young and slim? The list goes on and on.

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

The so-called Majorana verb

Almost. The emphasis is different. Similar to the question of whether neutrinos are Majorana.

 

[WWGD]

Almost. The emphasis is different. Similar to the question of whether neutrinos are Majorana.

What's with the military talk? Who's ana? Did she let the dogs out?

 

[berkeman]

Almost. The emphasis is different. Similar to the question of whether neutrinos are Majorana.

Rhut-rho...
(Runs and dives into the neutrino bomb shelter...)[/size]

 

[fresh_42]

What's with the military talk? Who's ana? Did she let the dogs out?

Wrong division. Not military, Cosa Nostra (Catania on Sicily).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Majorana

A tragedy! The only other occasion I instantly turned into a mood somewhere between depression and anger was as I read Hausdorff's vita.

 

[Orodruin]

Runs and dives into the neutrino bomb shelter..

Is that the one made from several lightyears thick lead?

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

Wrong division. Not military, Cosa Nostra (Catania on Sicily).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Majorana

A tragedy! The only other occasion I instantly turned into a mood somewhere between depression and anger was as I read Hausdorff's vita.

Hausdorff was distanced from his children. In a different neighborhood.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

Would make sense if it were hail, but its not.

 

[fresh_42]

Hausdorff was distanced from his children. In a different neighborhood.

Yes, it has different reasons, but the outcomes are similar and sad. The anger overweighs the depression in Hausdorff's case and it makes me sick, and angry again every time I think about it, especially these days.

In Majorana's case, it is more the sadness given that Fermi called him a genius.

 

[sbrothy]

A man's motorcycle has broken down in the middle of a South-American desert. On the brink of his desperate
breakdown a white llama approaches and suggests that the fuel line is clogged, and sure enough: problem solved.

Mystified he turns around but the white llama has gone.

Later, having fixed the problem and sitting at a cafe enjoying a cool drink he explains his experience to the
proprietor, who, deadpan, says:

"You got lucky Sẽnor. There's also a brown llama running around but that one knows nothing about engines."

------

Hope this one qualifies as lame enough. :P

 

[WWGD]

Sylvester Stallone will open an optical store in Siberia : ( The) Eye of the Taiga.

 

[sbrothy]

Sylvester Stallone will open an optical store in Siberia : ( The) Eye of the Taiga.

OK that one takes the cookie as lame. Respectfully, compared to you Sir, I'm an amateur!

:P

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

"Phew, what a day! A Jack Daniels, please."
"You're at McDonald's here!"
"Oh sorry, my bad. A McDaniels. please!"

 

[WWGD]

Sylvester Stallone will open an optical store in Siberia : ( The) Eye of the Taiga.

Nostradamus knew I was going to make this joke (Gilbert Gottftrid(Sp?), RIP )

 

[dwarde]

 

[phinds]

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 347774

I thought all the mood rings had lost their power. Like, oh, 35 years ago?

 

[phinds]

I thought all the mood rings had lost their power. Like, oh, 35 years ago?

Consumer items fueled by stupidity occasionally resurface. I'm still waiting for pet rocks to come back.

 

[fresh_42]

Consumer items fueled by stupidity occasionally resurface. I'm still waiting for pet rocks to come back.

I suggest selling "Cpt. Cook 1st contact colorful glass beads" at "influencers" promising to exceed their number of followers.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

You ain't nothin' but a hound-targ
Cryin' all the time.

 

[Orodruin]

How about the classics?

muSHa' muSwI', muSHa' QaQ, reH yIchaw'Qo'. yInwIj naQmoH SoH, 'ej jIH muSHa' SoH.

 

[fresh_42]

Jay: You do know Elvis is dead, right?
Kay: No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home.

 

[Ibix]

How about the classics?

muSHa' muSwI', muSHa' QaQ, reH yIchaw'Qo'. yInwIj naQmoH SoH, 'ej jIH muSHa' SoH.

"He loved loves, good love. You love my life, and I love you," according to the first working translator I found. Which I presume means is an automangled version of "Love me, love the life I lead"?

Marc Okrand is the linguist who was hired to create the Klingon language for Star Trek VI. He created it without a verb "to be" (I'm not sure if that was just for fun, or a nod to Russian and the Klingons' history as a cold war enemy to the Federation). Star Trek VI, of course, is the origin of the "you have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon" line and Okrand said that literally the first question he was asked on the set was "how do you say 'To be, or not to be' in Klingon?"

 

[Orodruin]

"He loved loves, good love. You love my life, and I love you," according to the first working translator I found. Which I presume means is an automangled version of "Love me, love the life I lead"?

It is ChatGPT’s translation of the first verse of Love me tender

 

[fresh_42]

It is ChatGPT’s translation of the first verse of Love me tender

There's a lot that gets lost in transliteration:

But you're partly excused. PF doesn't accept Klingon typesetting. I had to take pictures from my OO text.

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

Laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii.

You are only allowed a low ha.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[berkeman]

 

[docnet]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[sbrothy]

Consumer items fueled by stupidity occasionally resurface. I'm still waiting for pet rocks to come back.

Or yoyos! ;)

 

[sbrothy]

Seriously, this one might be in violation of the rules so I hope a moderator will be quick and give me the benefit of fuzzy borders. Else just delete it. Just couldn’t help it with it’s Lamarckian point:

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/stretch

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[sbrothy]

One for the programming Blade Runner fans out there:

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/replicant-2

 

[phinds]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 347882

Maybe more black than lame. ;)