Collection of Lame Jokes
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gary350
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My greatest inventions.
DennisN
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@pinball1970 may appreciate this one: 
By the way, congratulations to England for beating Switzerland earlier today!
It was a close call, I thought Switzerland would win the match.
I personally think it will be England versus Netherlands in the semi-final.
By the way, congratulations to England for beating Switzerland earlier today!
It was a close call, I thought Switzerland would win the match.
I personally think it will be England versus Netherlands in the semi-final.
docnet
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Science Advisor
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A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee licence?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. "This duck's from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?"
Again, the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell are you from?"
The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert!"
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee licence?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. "This duck's from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?"
Again, the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell are you from?"
The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert!"
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In the middle with you
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Can't believe how long it took me.
Science Advisor
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An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke).
St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions.
"What sort of accountant were you?"
"Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply.
"Name?" asks St. Pete.
The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file.
"Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span."
The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old."
Pete looks again at the file and says,
"Well, that's impossible."
"Why do you say that?" asks the accountant.
"Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients...
…By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions.
"What sort of accountant were you?"
"Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply.
"Name?" asks St. Pete.
The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file.
"Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span."
The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old."
Pete looks again at the file and says,
"Well, that's impossible."
"Why do you say that?" asks the accountant.
"Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients...
…By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
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JT Smith
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davenn said:
I have a set of those. I guess I need to go back to amazon and buy the overalls, hat, pipe, and stick.
edwardII
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sbrothy
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What? Why even...? How does that resonate with his vanity plate?dwarde said:
So many things wrong with this picture! :)
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sbrothy
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And I bet it wasn't thought through. And if so then poorly.BillTre said:
docnet
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I sent this to a friend who was about to defend a biology Ph.D. dissertation.
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It should be happy. If that happened here, a SWAT team would blow up this unattended box for safety reasons!WWGD said:
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Science Advisor
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More of a fingerprint eraser though ...fresh_42 said:
docnet
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I actually was burned by this "fidget toy" when I was a child and still think its inventor had nefarious intentions.fresh_42 said:
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