Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

There was some legislation recently I think in San Francisco or similar that would allow bicyclists to run stop signs (and red lights?) as long as there were no cars coming.

Given what I see on the road, I think that a lot of drivers must believe that that legislation was already passed for cars - regardless of other traffic.

 

[fresh_42]

Who in the world had been checking this?

 

[Jonathan Scott]

Who in the world had been checking this?

I don't know if this applies elsewhere, but in the UK it is common for a trade vehicle to display a notice saying something like "No tools left in this vehicle overnight" or "Nothing of value left in this vehicle overnight" to discourage any attempts to break into the unattended vehicle. This is an amusing extension of that idea.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 363511

That's exactly the meaning:

1540s, "contrary to nature, reason, or common sense," from Latin praeposterus "absurd, contrary to nature, inverted, perverted, in reverse order," literally "before-behind" (compare topsy-turvy, cart before the horse), from prae "before" (see pre-) + posterus "subsequent, coming after," from post "after".

https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=preposterous

 

[berkeman]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

How?

 

[jack action]

How?

View attachment 363528

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

I used(?) to be a major Geography nerd. Maybe those without a social life , or French, like @Mayhem could get it. Me asking a woman: "Do you want a ride in Mayotte (My Yacht)*? No thanks, it's too far and I don't have a French visa"
*Edited.

 

[DaveC426913]

Yacht.

 

[berkeman]

Yacht

Yatch

Potato, Potahtoh...

 

[WWGD]

Hadn't used the term in a while. Mine's been in the shop , like, forever.

 

[berkeman]

Mine's been in the shop , like, forever.

Is it still from the christening incident?

https://media1.tenor.com/m/BL1zq_21XDcAAAAd/caddy-shack-boat.gif

 

[WWGD]

Is it still from the christening incident?

View attachment 363599

https://media1.tenor.com/m/BL1zq_21XDcAAAAd/caddy-shack-boat.gif

I'm alright, don't need to worry about me.

 

[WWGD]

 

[symbolipoint]

The commercial advertisement for the sandwich and the direction sign for the crematorium is only coincident.

 

[phinds]

The commercial advertisement for the sandwich and the direction sign for the crematorium is only coincident.

And that makes it less funny, how?

 

[symbolipoint]

And that makes it less funny, how?

Just call it an interpretation. Finding it as funny more or less is for the observer to do.

 

[Mayhem]

I used(?) to be a major Geography nerd. Maybe those without a social life , or French, like @Mayhem could get it. Me asking a woman: "Do you want a ride in Mayotte (My Yacht)*? No thanks, it's too far and I don't have a French visa"
*Edited.

I am not sure what is a greater offense.

Insinuating that I have no social life or entertaining the notion that I could be French!

 

[fresh_42]

I am not sure what is a greater offense.

Insinuating that I have no social life or entertaining the notion that I could be French!

C'est la vie, c'est la guerre. Oops, sorry!

 

[WWGD]

I am not sure what is a greater offense.

Insinuating that I have no social life or entertaining the notion that I could be French!

Apologies, for some reason I thought you were French. I guess you're not a former nerd like I was myself.

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 363511

The New Yorker declared the band Mission of Burma to be pre-post-punk.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

Dad, I'm engaged.

Apologize!​

Why?

Apologize now!​

What did I do wrong?

Apologize first!​

Okay, I'm sorry, Dad.

Very good, my son. Now that you can apologize for nothing, you're ready for marriage.​

 

[Jonathan Scott]

View attachment 363544

I'm somewhat distracted from the mindblowing concept of a Braille gearstick by the weird arrangement of the gears, assuming I'm reading them correctly:
465
R123

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

When God was explaining to Adam about the rules in Eden, Adam saw another guy off in the distance and he asked God who that was. God said, Oh, that's Keith Richards. He was here when I got here.

 

[davenn]

 

[berkeman]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dwarde]

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

The woman I work with is from Prague. She's my Czech mate.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

In tomorrow's academic competition, atheists don't have a prayer.

 

[berkeman]

 

[davenn]

Dave Allen, the Irish comedian, used to say: "I´ve never understood why there are fences around graveyards because those that are outside don´t want to get in and those that are inside can´t get out!"

 

[phinds]

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]