Collection of Lame Jokes

[Baluncore]

If money is the root of all evil ...

It is not, that is a misquote.
The love of money is the root of all evil.

They ask for money in church, because they are trying to uproot evil.

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

It is not, that is a misquote.
The love of money is the root of all evil.

They ask for money in church, because they are trying to uproot evil.

I'm far from being religious but seeing that there's a Tsunami watch in California , given the fires, etc., seems close to a course. I feel for them.

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

How many people?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

How many people?
View attachment 363849

I had a verbal version of these optical illusions: " Greeks were fighting machines. I'm not fighting machines."

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

 

[gmax137]

 

[edwardII]

View attachment 363856

Most aftermarket LED headlight bulbs come with the tiny fans built in.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

Since we got a dog and a cat, I've been petting everything at knee height.

Yes, that's exactly what the tiler just looked like.

 

[jtbell]

But see what happens when he tries to park...

 

[DaveC426913]

This just gets worse the longer you look at it.

 

[WWGD]

No need to worry about chip manufacture in the US. There's now a plant in Arizona. There used to be one in Led Zeppelin.

 

[WWGD]

Tourist approaches Canadian Customs carrying a package.
Agent: " What's this aboot *?"
Tourist: " It's not a boot, it's a shoe".
"A shoe? "
" Gesundheit!"

* Cliche'd Canadian pronounciation.

 

[fresh_42]

This just gets worse the longer you look at it.

I still keep trying to think about how this car will manage to close anything, let alone a house. And how could they know? Anyway, I would be worried, too, if a car tried to close my house.

 

[Baluncore]

I still keep trying to think about how this car will manage to close anything, let alone a house.

"You're car is to close to my house!"
That is an instruction, to close the distance between the car and the house, presumably to zero.

 

[fresh_42]

"You're car is to close to my house!"
That is an instruction, to close the distance between the car and the house, presumably to zero.

Ah! I thought close in the sense of lock.

 

[phinds]

Ah! I thought close in the sense of lock.

without the word "to", you would have been correct. In English "close to my house" is distance. "close my house" is a command.

 

[gmax137]

"I want you to close my house."

 

[WWGD]

He's to close two the house.

 

[jtbell]

 

[256bits]

"I want you to close clothe my house."

in the spirit of the original posting.
One of them has better spots
:)

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler

Dusty Springfield

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the truck that got into a wreck and spilled thousands of slippery hotdogs all over the road?

The cleanup crew didn't relish its job.