Collection of Science Jokes P2

[fresh_42]

There is the center of your observable universe, and this center is you. This has nothing to do with quantum mechanics.

Yes, but observable restricts the statement to a subclass, which wasn't part of the assertion. It was this subclass, which relates not to QM, but to the famous family of its interpretations.

 

[fresh_42]

Elephant Hunt

Computer scientists hunt elephants by executing Algorithm A:
{Go to Africa

Start at the Cape of Good Hop
Crossing Africa from south to north
bidirectional in east-west direction
Do while crossing

{
Catch every animal you see
Compare each trapped animal with an animal known as elephant
stop on agreement
}​

}

Experienced programmers change Algorithm A by placing an animal known as Elephant in Cairo, so that the program will end properly in any case.

Assembler programmers prefer to run Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

SQL programmers use the following expression:
SELECT Elephant FROM Africa.

NATURAL programmers get an elephant from ADABAS.

LOGO programmers were riding through Africa on their turtle.

COBOL programmers do this on a dinosaur.

BASIC programmers prefer to do this in a velvet-padded single-hauler with the brakes constantly tightened.

C programmers first use sizeof() to determine the amount of memory needed by an elephant, attempting to allocate it, forgetting to check the result and then shoot the elephant with wild pointers.

C ++ programmers insist that the elephant is a class, so they have to bring their own catching methods. And if the elephant should leave Africa, then automatically its destructor is triggered.

PASCAL programmers first mark a point on the map, then write END in front of it and dream of Nicholas Wirth being trampled by an elephant.

MODULA programmers import an elephant from a zoo.

DELPHI programmers download a TElephant component from the Internet and get as many elephants as they like by calling the virtual constructor: Elephant:= TElephant.Create(MySelf)

LISP programmers build a maze of brackets and hope the elephant gets lost in it.

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, removing everything that is not an elephant and catching a remnant element.

Experienced mathematicians will first try to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate practice task.

Mathematics professors prove the existence of at least one non-degenerate elephant and then leave the tracking and trapping of an actual elephant to their students.

Engineers hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching every gray animal that comes their way and taking it as an elephant if the weight does not deviate more than 15% from that of a previously captured elephant.

Economists do not hunt elephants. But they are convinced that the elephants would turn themselves in if they pay them enough.

Statisticians hunt the first animal they see n times and call it an elephant.

Business consultants do not hunt elephants - and many have never hunted anything. But you can hire them by the hour to get good advice.

System analysts would theoretically be able to determine the correlation between hat size and hit rate in elephant hunting if only someone would tell them what an elephant is.

SAP system engineers declare the first-best animal to be an elephant and adapt the idea of an elephant to this animal.

MICROSOFT buys an elephant from the Seattle Zoo, copies it in bulk, speaks to the world that everyone needs one, and that it is the perfect complement to MS Office, and exports 14 million copies to Africa.

 

[mfb]

Yes, but observable restricts the statement to a subclass, which wasn't part of the assertion.

It was in my post.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

I feel like my internet is back in the 60's this week. It's so slow that I can easily capture pictures like this (after about 5 minutes).

 

[mfb]

Two more telescope generations and they can make pictures better than that... ;).
ELT could achieve a resolution of 5 meters at the distance of the Moon.

 

[Borg]

Two more telescope generations and they can make pictures better than that... ;).
ELT could achieve a resolution of 5 meters at the distance of the Moon.

Maybe the generations after that can work on Pluto.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

The joke is how short our lives are in comparison to the cosmos.

 

[davenn]

The joke is how short our lives are in comparison to the cosmos.

View attachment 221715

My Grandad, born 1900,( mums father) just missed seeing Halley twice, say it when 10 yrs old in 1910.
He died at 86, 5-6 months before its return Dave

 

[fresh_42]

I find this one very telling when it comes to the actual size of the universe, resp. our little corner here:
https://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/mission/status/
The term "interstellar" is, which I find, a bit misleading, as they are still in the range of SDOs and far (thousands of years away) from entering the Oort cloud.

 

[mfb]

Proxima Centauri is 1900 times more distant than Voyager 1.

 

[DennisN]

The joke is how short our lives are in comparison to the cosmos.

More on the comet/asteroid/meteor theme...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

and on the same these ...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

hahaha

 

[OCR]

Lol... .

 

[DennisN]

hahaha

View attachment 221949

 

[DennisN]

An answer which is in a state of superposition:

 

[jack action]

 

[davenn]

a couple of astro related ones

 

[rootone]

Two neutrinos go into the error bar ...

 

[DennisN]

 

[Borg]

Saw this on another site that I frequent.

 

[DennisN]

Saw this on another site that I frequent.

The wheelchair camera was rolling...

 

[DrGreg]

Oh well, here we go...

WATSON: Name a canal in your body.
HOLMES: Alimentary, my dear Watson.

WATSON: Name a tree with yellow fruit.
HOLMES: A lemon tree, my dear Watson.

WATSON: How would you describe a yellow door?
HOLMES: A lemon entry, my dear Watson.

WATSON: What's another name for the periodic table?
HOLMES: Element tree, my dear Watson.
(Not a very good name, as it isn't a tree.)

 

[mjc123]

My favourite:
Watson: "In a North Mexican fashion"?
Holmes: A la Monterrey, my dear Watson.

 

[Psinter]

Avoid teenage plant pregnancy by covering your flower's anthers.

Also... don't go showing your stigma. Society demands flower decency.

 

[Psinter]

Source

Dammit.