Collection of Science Jokes P2

[Drakkith]

As long as the nose is pointing down they are not going to space today attack anyone.

Ah yes, the classic Up Goer Five! Remeber, if parts start to fall off in the wrong order, you will also not be going to space today.

 

[Borg]

http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/tmrkt/ is a favorite of mine.
Wasn't sure whether to post here or in the science books thread.

 

[DifferentialGalois]

Carbohydrates: We are infested with hydroxides.
Biologists: OH!

 

[mfb]

What was the star rating for the book about stars?

Spoiler

I heard its ratings were stellar.

 

[fresh_42]

Quantum Mechanics by Dr. Mel:

Caution, if you put it back on the shelf, it changes places with other books.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

If it barks and walks like a dog then is it a setter?

 

[fresh_42]

If it barks and walks like a dog then is it a setter?

Yes. And here is why we call those retrievers:

 

[Ibix]

Yes. And here is why we call those retrievers:
View attachment 249808

A demonstration of the Banach-Tarski paradox?

 

[Klystron]

The old monk though quite busy with other work still takes his turn walking into town to buy groceries not available within the monastery for the sick and infirm. The path is long but walking gives time to reflect. A donkey cart passes him, the drover calling out a friendly greeting in response to his silent wave. Sunlight reflecting off a wheel catches the monk's eye and he pictures the wheel's rotation in relation to the road, drawing a cycloid in his mind as the cart bounces away.

Just the shape Brother Carpenter requires to smooth the action of the mill, he thinks. The gear teeth should merge not unlike the rim of a wheel touches the surface of the road each rotation, a circle marking out the shape of the sprockets.

Entering the town market the monk selects brown onions carefully inspecting for rot, then green leeks and two heads of garlic with intact firm bulbs. Finally he enters the butcher shop whose owner greets him fondly. The monks had provided clear panes from their glass works for the butcher to display his wares in return for soups bones and the odd meat cut to serve in the infirmary.

Happy to be of service to such a learned man the butcher directs the monk's attention to the beef displayed on two shelves behind glass. Gesturing grandly the butcher asks,"Will that be Choice cut, Brother Mersenne, or Prime?".

 

[Drakkith]

Quantum Mechanics by Dr. Mel:

Caution, if you put it back on the shelf, it changes places with other books.

I figured the words would change states every time you open it.

 

[fresh_42]

I figured the words would change states every time you open it.

... or every time you open it, another book mysteriously closes.

 

[Drakkith]

... or every time you open it, another book mysteriously closes.

And when you read the book, you automatically know how the sequel turns out.

 

[Borg]

More Brewster Rockit.

 

[DrClaude]

http://smbc-comics.com/comic/duuude

 

[Borg]

I learned a new phrase today - Free Market Pooper.

 

[Torbert]

https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/Newton_and_leibniz.png

 

[mfb]

Is 0!=1 correct?

Mathematician: 0 factorial equals 1, correct.

Programmer: 0 is not equal to 1, correct.

 

[nuuskur]

overloaded syntax :D

 

[jack action]

 

[HomogenousCow]

 

[DennisN]

Which drink is the most popular among electrical engineers?

Spoiler

Juice.

Which drink is the most popular among mathematicians?

Spoiler

Root beer.

Which drink is the most popular among astronauts?

Spoiler

Full Throttle.

 

[DrClaude]

Which drink is the most popular among mathematicians?

Remember: never drink and derive.

 

[Ibix]

Remember: never drink and derive.

What if I'm drinking proof spirit?

 

[DrClaude]

What if I'm drinking proof spirit?

If you throw up from drinking too much, is that proof by contradiction?

 

[mfb]

That's disproven by counterexample.

 

[fresh_42]

Remember: never drink and derive.

"Yes, I know, officer, hands off the wheel if drunk. And believe me, I tried for three miles but it was too difficult."

 

[DennisN]

@fresh_42 , can I divide by zero?

 

[DennisN]

Remember: never drink and derive.

Yes, and being sober is integral to safe driving.

 

[DennisN]

Quantum Mechanics by Dr. Mel:

Caution, if you put it back on the shelf, it changes places with other books.

And when you read the book, you automatically know how the sequel turns out.

You put a spin on the joke. Now the conversation has become polarized.