Confessions of My Stupidest Moments: A Humorous Tale of Taking Wrong Turns

[Dadface]

I tend to do stupid things.When I was a youngster I was driving to work one morning when I took a detour through Tottenham.I parked up and walked to a pub that I visited regularly at weekends.It was only when I saw that the pub was closed that I realized where I should have been.I was late for work.

 

[Borek]

This margin is too small to even start the list.

 

[neu]

start my Ph.D. It's v.dull

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

It's a work in progress.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I drove a van along the rode just below the treeline - in the foreground - when the spillway was at full flow. In the shot below, it is probably running at < 20%.

I drove on that road almost every day. Being over a half mile across the river from the discharge ramp, even at full flow I thought the only thing making it across the river was intense overspray; no big deal. But once we got into it... WOW! I knew that I had made a big mistake. I couldn't back up because the visibility was zero and another car was following me. He had to be as blind as I was.

That road was put in back in the 1930's. The next day, it didn't exist anymore. The entire hillside was down to the bedrock.

 

[Danger]

I agree with Borek. There aren't enough electrons in the universe to record the stupid things that I've done.

 

[Pythagorean]

I'm on the bandwagon of space cadets, stupid is my middle name, etc.

I don't even know how I'd quantify which particular stupid decision/action was the stupidest

 

[waht]

When I was nine, my family moved to a new house, and they got a new kitchen cabinet set. One of the cabinets was very tall maybe 8 ft, and very narrow, about 2 ft across and 3 ft deep. Not to mention it was heavy. So when it was placed in the hallway temporarily, I noticed that it was slightly open and I could see a manual laying on the bottom inside the cabinet. Great, so I crawled and stuck my head inside when I realized I had tipped the thing. Luckily my dad was nearby screwing in a light bulb and ran to help when the cabinet began to fall. If he were a second too late, my head would have been decapitated as the door of the cabinet began closing on itself. It would have been a perfect guillotine cut.

 

[JasonRox]

When I was nine, my family moved to a new house, and they got a new kitchen cabinet set. One of the cabinets was very tall maybe 8 ft, and very narrow, about 2 ft across and 3 ft deep. Not to mention it was heavy. So when it was placed in the hallway temporarily, I noticed that it was slightly open and I could see a manual laying on the bottom inside the cabinet. Great, so I crawled and stuck my head inside when I realized I had tipped the thing. Luckily my dad was nearby screwing in a light bulb and ran to help when the cabinet began to fall. If he were a second too late, my head would have been decapitated as the door of the cabinet began closing on itself. It would have been a perfect guillotine cut.

If only is was just a little heavier...

 

[hypatia]

When I was 6, we moved off base and into a real house. We even had a milkman, who I liked very much, after all this man had a seemly endless supply of chocolate milk!
One day I guess I wanted to see where secret stash of chocolate milk was kept, so while he had his back turned, I climbed up the back of the truck, where all the empty bottles were kept. The truck started to take off, and I got scared and tried to climb down, when CRASH, me and the bottles hit the pavement. He thought he had run me over, the poor man was almost in shock. I was bleeding from a lot of little glass cuts, he handed me to my Mom who promptly passed out.
After I was all bandaged up and Mom was feeling better, I told them what I had done. Its my only recall of my Father spanking me. And the milkman..heheh he always gave me a little container of chocolate milk.

 

[Danger]

Jeez, Waht... close call, alright. I'm not sure that I'd consider it stupid, though. A cabinet like that shouldn't tip over just because of a kid crawling into it, and you had no way of anticipating it.

My youngest brother did a lot of stupid things when he was a kid. He survived them all, only to die of cancer at the age of 69. Probably the dumbest stunt was to put a .22 cartridge on a big rock and hit it with a hammer. He spent the rest of his life with that slug in his leg.

 

[Huckleberry]

I do stupid things all the time. It's no big deal. What is upsetting are the stupid things I should've done, but didn't.

One spectacularly stupid thing I did was to drive across the state of Virginia at 120mph in the middle of the night after making up my mind to break up with a girl and not knowing how I was going to tell her. I saw some police lights on the other side of the highway and then I saw them Wayyy behind me. So I pulled over to get some gas and drove the last 50 or so miles into Norfolk at about 80.

Then there was the forklift jousting in the missile magazine. That was always fun. Boredom is a great motivator for stupidity. No wonder why they wanted to keep us busy all the time.

 

[Office_Shredder]

When I was young I had a pair of toy metal handcuffs which I had lost the key for. After some experimenting, I realized I could open them when they were closed by simply continuing to push it in the closed direction until one half of the cuff had simply passed through the other half. Great! So I put them on, and tried to push the cuff through... of course, this time my wrist was in the way. We had to call the police who had a skeleton key for toy handcuffs (at least one person was thinking : )

 

[Danger]

Then there was the forklift jousting in the missile magazine.

Now that sounds like fun!

We had to call the police who had a skeleton key for toy handcuffs

I hear you. A buddy of mine called me out in my locksmith capacity (after I'd retired) because his son had done the same thing. I had to pick them (but they weren't toy ones). As payment, he gave me the cuffs plus the toy pair that the kid had mistaken them for.

 

[lisab]

...um...I used to hitchhike...yikes!

Only had one real problem doing it, though.

But I can't even say the truly stupid thing I did when I was young...gives me shivers just thinking about it.

 

[wolram]

I never did any thing stupid, at the time before the event they all seemed harmless.

 

[Danger]

I never did any thing stupid

But the sum total of human knowledge was so much smaller back then. We youngsters have the experience of our ancient ancestors to guide us.

 

[wolram]

But the sum total of human knowledge was so much smaller back then. We youngsters have the experience of our ancient ancestors to guide us.

So youngster is the new word for the over 60s? amazing how language gets corrupted over time.

 

[Danger]

Over 60?! I'll have you know, sir, that I'm younger than your dentures.

 

[Bladibla]

Once tried to get a bus ticket from Coventry to London here in england via bus ticket purchased online... not knowing that I had confused 'to' and 'from' on the website and had gotten the ticket for the bus of the opposite direction.

Had to mistakenly wait in the bus stop for an hour more than I should have..until I realized my mistake. doh.

 

[Borek]

Over 60?! I'll have you know, sir, that I'm younger than your dentures.

How come? Your youngest brother died at 69.

 

[Danger]

How come? Your youngest brother died at 69.

Youngest, not younger. He was 19 years older than me. The other 2 and my sister are much older.

 

[Loren Booda]

Bucky, whom I knew in high school, was known for several asinine stunts. Like riding a bike off of a roof, on a dare. Or walking across a boulevard, eyes closed, on a dare. He spent the next few months in a body cast.

Our buddy Willie, voted "Class Partier," started and finished at a party a fifth of liquor, then a second, and attempted a third. He survived. Needless to say, he was an alcoholic, or he would have died. No one, including me, attempted to stop him, but I suggested we keep his mouth unobstructed. He was pathetic. That summer he joined the Navy.

 

[Danger]

he was an alcoholic... ...he joined the Navy.

Isn't that a prerequisite?


Sorry, Huck...

 

[Focus]

Here is a brief list of my highlights,

1) I froze my nipple with a component spray. I thought it would be like a sports spray, but I was dead wrong. My nipple caught frostbite, made a lot of puss and eventually the skin got ripped off.

2) Took about 50 swigs of my friends asthma medicine. I was probably the finest athlete on Earth for about 2 hours.

3) Smoked a rollie made with chili powder. I only took one puff but my lungs felt like they were going to explode for days on end. Don't ever try this!

4) Burnt my hair while leaning over an oven to light a smoke. This was back when I had long hair...

I warn you, don't do any of the things listed above unless you too are an idiot like me.

 

[Danger]

1) I froze my nipple with a component spray.

Please tell me that you're male...

 

[CFDFEAGURU]

I agree wolram, every stupid act I have done seemed like the best idea I ever had at the time. LOL

 

[brewnog]

You know when Indiana Jones rolls under a heavy stone door just before it closes on him, and has time to reach back and grab his hat?

Don't try and replicate that with an electric garage door, whilst drunk, with the safety interlocks defeated. I lost quite a bit of blood that evening. And didn't manage to grab my hat.

 

[Focus]

Please tell me that you're male...

I am indeed male.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I knew a guy who threw a grocery bag about half full of gunpowder into the fireplace. The resulting explosion burned off his eyebrows, eyelashes, and the hair back to the crown of his head. When I called the next day to see how he was doing, he was lying with his face over of a drip pan that was catching the continuous discharge from his nose. His eyes were nearly swollen shut.

This same guy - the brother-in-law of a friend of mine - also admitted that he had once tried slicking willy with Ben Gay.

Speaking of willy, has anyone ever taken a hit from a spark plug wire while leaning over the car? Guess where the first ground path occurs. That's 25,000 volts or more.

Speaking of 25KV, I once took as much up the nose. I was trying to locate a sound and got my face a bit too close to a HV test that I was running.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

A member once posted a great story. He had been drinking heavily. Sometime during the night he got up to get a snack, but the light in the fridge didn't work. By groping around in the dark he managed to find some donuts, which he ate. The next morning he couldn't figure out why he had a strange blue powdery substance all around his mouth and on his hands.

 

[chemisttree]

Mine was a time long ago when I was working in the Organic Chemistry Lab in our Division. I was adding fresh sodium and benzophenone to the 10 liter ether still. You do this by removing a stopper and quickly adding a hunk of sodium with tweezers. Of course you have to cut the oxidation layer off from the large piece of sodium in the jar of oil before it is clean enough to add to the still. After that, you immerse the lump of shaved metal into a couple of small beakers of hexane to rinse the residual oil off and quickly immerse it in a small beaker of ether to rinse off the hexane. The process can leave a few small shavings on the cutting board which can stick to the oily lump of shaved metal, eventually to find their way to the rinse solutions. I had just finished adding everything and stoppered up the still. Time to get to work disposing of those rinse solutions and the several small shavings that found their way there.

What’s that? Is something floating on top of the ether solution? Is it a small insect? Just to be sure I’d better bring it closer to my face and get a good look.

Big Mistake #1. I was working alone since everyone had just left for lunch.
Big Mistake #2. I was breathing (you know, the MOIST gas that comes out of your mouth?)
Big Mistake #3. When something explodes into flame right in your face… DON’T THROW THE FLAMING BEAKER AT THE 10 LITER STILL OF REFLUXING ETHER….
Big Mistake #4. I ran down the halls screaming. “EVACUATE! FIRE!” before I stopped to examine my handiwork from the safety of the other side of the fire door exit. Everyone did. Most with very wide eyes…

The flames went out after about 30 seconds I was told (by someone who wanted to see the fire for himself).

It wasn’t all bad, though. The Division got a brand spanking new SOP that day for adding reactive metals to the solvent stills.

 

[jowjowman]

Picking one of many stupid decisions.

Years ago I was working as a volunteer in an Israel kibbutz near Haifa. This was really cool, the work was not hard, the hours
reasonable and you could hang out with people from all over the planet. I lived in a ramshackle hut housing 5 or 6 other
volunteers. One day David moved in and we became friends.
Months went by, I got drafted, told everyone goodbye. David said that when I was done doing army stuff I was welcome at his place.
Asked what his place was like, he told me that it was a rather large estate doing mainly horsebreeding, located in London.
I told him he was full of b**** of course. Who has ever heard of such a ridiculus thing? I made excuses for not going.
It was years later I got thinking. He had told me the truth.

 

[Danger]

Mine was a time long ago when I was working in the Organic Chemistry Lab in our Division.

Bloody hell, Chemisttree... I can't decide whether that's hilarious or tragic.
I can think of two other examples right off. A guy in my grade at school, who apparently didn't know much about guns, braced himself against the barn door and lit off both barrels of a 12 gauge simultaneously. Broke his shoulder, of course.
Another was based upon ignorance rather than stupidity. It was right after we went metric in Canada. A Yank was cruising along on the 401 highway, overshot a curve, and ended up in a tree. He survived in relatively good health, and his first words to the cops were "Man, you Canadians are crazy having a hundred mile an hour speed limit."

 

[logandiez]

The stupidest thing I have ever done ... a no brainer: I dropped out of High School & got a GED, but did NOT go immediately to college and get my Degree. I didn't get back to college until I was in my late 40's. Now I'm playing catch up.

 

[lisab]

Another was based upon ignorance rather than stupidity. It was right after we went metric in Canada. A Yank was cruising along on the 401 highway, overshot a curve, and ended up in a tree. He survived in relatively good health, and his first words to the cops were "Man, you Canadians are crazy having a hundred mile an hour speed limit."

 

[hypatia]

The stupidest thing I have ever done ... a no brainer: I dropped out of High School & got a GED, but did NOT go immediately to college and get my Degree. I didn't get back to college until I was in my late 40's. Now I'm playing catch up.

Bravo!

 

[Pythagorean]

Ok, stupidest thing I've ever done:

Enroll in science and engineering curriculum.

With everything I've learned comes a lot more responsibility. My ignorance doesn't keep me out of trouble anymore.

 

[logandiez]

Ok, stupidest thing I've ever done:

Enroll in science and engineering curriculum.

With everything I've learned comes a lot more responsibility. My ignorance doesn't keep me out of trouble anymore.

Ahh... Responsibility ... curious that the root words basically mean "ability to respond," huh? Look on the bright side, you not only now have the ability to do stupid things intelligently, but you also have the ability to do them with precision and understanding of their mechanics.

 

[Danger]

A member once posted a great story. He had been drinking heavily. Sometime during the night he got up to get a snack, but the light in the fridge didn't work. By groping around in the dark he managed to find some donuts, which he ate. The next morning he couldn't figure out why he had a strange blue powdery substance all around his mouth and on his hands.

I have to admit defeat on this one, Ivan. Perhaps it's a Yank/Canuck cultural gap, or just a lack of experience on my part, but I have absolutely no idea what your post indicates. I'm assuming that the powder represents something inedible, but I can't figure it out. Sorry.

 

[Leah]

Well the stupidist thing I did was do cocaine..but to tell you the truth I loved it! Besides that one night I drove from Atlanta to Panama City, FL coked out and wanted to get into a bar there. I got there and realized I had no money to get in. I asked a couple of strangers for some money and that did not work so I drove the 5 hours home still coked out. I think I called into work the next day and said I was sick!

 

[Danger]

4) Burnt my hair while leaning over an oven to light a smoke. This was back when I had long hair...

Been there, except it was using a stick from my burn-barrel in the back yard.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

This was fairly recent. I was hungry, looking for something to put a pizza on so I could cook one up in the oven. I saw my mother's cutting board, and immediately thoughts of amazing wood-fired pizza filled my head. I put the pizza in on the cuttingboard...and twenty minutes later the smoke alarms began to go off. The cutting board was scorched, nearly on fire. My pizza was ruined. I should've just used the pan. Not the dumbest thing I've ever done but I can't think right now.

 

[Loren Booda]

Ivan,

The blue donut - was it a ring of soap for the dishwasher?

 

[Redbelly98]

Well, I've electrocuted myself perhaps 4 times in my life. Last time was about 15 years ago, so it looks like I finally learned to be careful.

Then there were all the years that I did not put money into an IRA.

 

[fileen]

My friend and I decided to see if we could ride her bull... Together. We are very lucky to be alive. Dont do drugs.

 

[turbo]

I waited until I was middle-aged before deciding that I should learn how to navigate kayaks through heavy white-water. Luckily, I had a very talented 14-year-old instructor (a daughter of long-time friends who was shooting for the Olympics, though the sport wasn't approved for that cycle) and I learned very quickly how to eskimo-roll upstream and downstream, even in foamy rapids. This is a very good thing to know when you dump in class 4-5 white-water and rocks are flying by your head at a good clip. Shelby injured her shoulder, and ended up weight-training for rehabilitation, and became the junior and senior women's world power-lifting champion in a span of a couple of years, setting record lifts in the process. She's a short little thing, but when I run into her, I get bear-hugs that make me check for cracked ribs.

Funny, when my knees got bad enough to wean me off from black-diamond skiing, I had to turn to white-water kayaking for thrills. After I got too comfortable with my Taurus kayak, I went to a low-volume Sabre to make it even edgier and tougher. In heavy foamy white-water, the boat would be entirely submerged, and only my torso, arms, etc would be visible.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I have to admit defeat on this one, Ivan. Perhaps it's a Yank/Canuck cultural gap, or just a lack of experience on my part, but I have absolutely no idea what your post indicates. I'm assuming that the powder represents something inedible, but I can't figure it out. Sorry.

The donuts were moldy.

 

[franznietzsche]

The donuts were moldy.

 

[lisab]

The donuts were moldy.

Who keeps donuts in the fridge?