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Disappointment in love?

  1. Jun 22, 2016 #1
    In your opinion what is the best thing to do to overcome a disappointment in love ?
  2. jcsd
  3. Jun 22, 2016 #2


    Staff: Mentor

    Welcome to PF!

    I would enjoy my other interests and meet new people.

    There's a story about two monks who spot a woman in distress trying to cross a river and the senior monk decides to carry her to the other side. After a few hours of walking, the junior monks asks...

  4. Jun 22, 2016 #3
    I had heard that story before. It's a nice story. :smile:
  5. Jun 22, 2016 #4


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    Great story!
  6. Jun 23, 2016 #5
    beautiful story that I did not know ...
  7. Jun 23, 2016 #6

    Fervent Freyja

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    Ask yourself why it felt so disappointing, are you holding unrealistic ideals about love? Was your perspective of the person a true reflection of them, or were you wishing they could be someone different? What sort of signs did you ignore? What could you have done differently? What could they have done differently not to disappoint you? Find their faults. Find yours. If you can understand why those faults occurred from both sides, then it will be easier to let go. You certainly don't need to blame yourself for the entire disappointment, but acknowledging your own behaviors is important to create the personal growth needed to move on. You are slightly better equipped to maintain a future rewarding relationship. In the relationship, did you learn more about loving a person or being loved?

    Can you take what you have learned about yourself from the experience and grow from it? Or do you hesitate to confront your side?

    Can you take what you have learned about loving another person and apply it to future relationships- thereby increasing the chances of that relationship working out?
  8. Jun 27, 2016 #7
    I believe that when a story ends often blame lies with both
  9. Jun 27, 2016 #8


    Staff: Mentor

    And what would you do with this belief?

    Of course, its true with each party shouldering some percentage of the blame...
  10. Jun 27, 2016 #9
    Couldn't think of anything more appropriate than this:

    "Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."
    — Rick Sanchez, Rick and Morty
  11. Jun 29, 2016 #10
    anything I just want to say that I am increasingly convinced that the end of a love story usually depends on both sides
  12. Jun 29, 2016 #11
    That being said, you understand that you alone (aka your own thoughts) will be unable to come to any rational conclusion for the relationship, since there is actually no longer any "relationship" to be had. Any further contemplation on your part, is only within yourself. You simply do not know what the other person is thinking or how they have come about their own rationalizations. So yeah I can agree that a relationship depends on both sides, but if one side or the other stops relating with one another, then there is no longer any relationship. It will always be a compromise, but clearly see the difference between the relationship within your head and the one outside of it.
  13. Jun 29, 2016 #12
    I'm afraid like a lot of things in life, it comes down to a Mystery Science Theater 3000 quote....

    Pearl Forrester: Look, Nelson. Move on. I am.

    Good luck to you.
  14. Jun 30, 2016 #13

    jim hardy

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    Do little things that will rebuild your damaged self esteem .
    Make it your goal to leave everybody you interact with today feeling a little better .
    Tell a cashier you hope all her customers are friendly and thank her for "that pretty smile" .
    Open a door for an older woman and address her as "ma'am ".
    On your way into the market take somebody's shopping cart back for them. On the way out help some old folks lift the groceries into their car trunk.
    Pick up a nail in a parking lot to keep it out of somebody's tire.
    Let somebody into traffic.
    Say something nice to the janitor where you work.
    Thank somebody in a military uniform for their service.

    Do it again tomorrow .

    Go places where people are trying to improve themselves not drown their sorrows. Fair Anne and i met at the library .

    My Uncle Bud was an airman in WW2.
    At the USO dances he always went into the kitchen and helped the ladies with the dishes.
    Invariably one of them would say "I have a daughter i'd like you to meet."
    He met some really nice girls that way .

    old jim
  15. Jun 30, 2016 #14
    When I was living in my college dorm, my roommate once told me how to overcome disappointment in love. She told me that everyone had something they hated most,e.g the smell of durian, one's sweat, pisses, and even feces, etc; so if I disliked someone, I could pull out something I had as a keepsake of him and dirty it with the disgusting smell, and sniff it, I would then puke a lot and soon get rid of the guy out of my head. One of the worst college silly suggestions I ever had! :biggrin:

    I learned and am still learning to lose my ego, high self-esteem so as not to get hurt in situations like this. You may need to learn why you get hurt when you lose someone or something, which is to learn about yourself. This way will probably help improve your mind then your behaviors.
    I hope you won't find this video clip kind of gross after watching it.
  16. Jun 30, 2016 #15


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    That is wonderful! I really liked that one.
    A warm and fuzzy feeling for both people just from a simple comment that shows a little bit of empathy, with the recipient receiving a thought of knowing that someone does understand and cares, and the person as a benefactor sharing some of his/her own humanity, mellowing their own heart just by saying the words.
    Much wisdom.
  17. Jun 30, 2016 #16

    Ivan Seeking

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  18. Jun 30, 2016 #17

    Fervent Freyja

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    I wouldn't call them lies, more like common cognitive biases that should be expected at the start. I think that the most rewarding aspects don't occur until the first few years of a partnership. It takes that long to peel away all those inaccurate ideas about ourselves and the other person. Once the recently invented romantic ideal is done away with, the realization that the other isn't responsible for our happiness gives the partnership a more rewarding and higher quality than before. We begin to see them more accurately. There is a certain beauty in loving and accepting someone with all their imperfections (who really wants a perfect partner) and not because of an ideal or what they do for you, but because you can appreciate them when they are going about their own business. We have to strive for a balance of more independence, some semi-dependence, and slight dependence in areas of the partnership, it is simply bound to end in disappointment when we assign so many expectations on one another. It may prevent you from feeling so crushed when it ends and retain self-esteem.

    Life comes in seasons, marriage is the same. We cannot expect our partners to remain the same throughout those seasons either, we must practice forgiveness and maintain a foresight of the partnership at all times, so that we can work on changing the future. Faith and confidence about the partnership develops over time, many relationships end before that stage is met (it is an earning). And, when the results of the efforts show improvement, we can be less disappointed and more forgiving than before. However, when they blame you, or you blame them, then that implies the person wasn't doing the self-work or actually practicing and improving the relationship (letting you do the work instead). Like I said earlier, you are slightly more equipped now and know what type of person to avoid. You also know more about what behaviors you didn't like seeing in yourself and can set about working on it sooner.
  19. Jun 30, 2016 #18
    I used to use a shortcut to that trick back in HS and college when a friend would break down in whiny tears over a girl. It happened a lot and, in fact, still happens to some extent. I'd say, just imagine kissing her and she has really bad breath :oldruck:

    That one always works in an emergency, but the sad truth is that we don't really want to ruin our image of someone we're infatuated with with such chicanery. What we really want is to continue to idolize them and have our affection requited. Very hard to control that, though. It's a mixed up, muckled up, shook up world when it comes to love.
  20. Jun 30, 2016 #19


    Staff: Mentor

    Just let go...
  21. Jun 30, 2016 #20


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    We all have been through this several times... There is no best thing to overcome disappointment in love. It just needs time. Every person has his / her own unique way to cope with this. I found the advice from jim hardy particularly useful, because it will force you to do everyday useful things and not think about your disappointment. Other than that, you can think that this is a normal thing to happen for several potential reasons, such is life, but after all, it's not the end of the world. More often than not - at least in my experience, being about 50 years old now, it will lead you to better choices in relationships and love. Sometimes sentimental tension is so high, that even the best advice, will make no sense. That is why it is time that is needed to balance the whole thing. Meantime, do the everyday things of your life and if you feel that the whole thing presses you, find more useful activities. After a while you'll have everything in its normal flow. Life still goes on...
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