Favorite "First Contact" scenario?

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The discussion centers on a fictional scenario involving aliens interacting with humanity, highlighting themes of inspection and cultural intervention. The narrative suggests that humans have lost their right to cultural quarantine due to their civilization's decline, necessitating alien assistance for survival. The aliens, represented as a "clique," plan to reorganize human society for entertainment purposes, akin to a reality show. This arrangement is humorously approved by pets, while humans remain oblivious to their true situation. The overarching theme critiques human agency and the absurdity of alien oversight in a dystopian context.
Noisy Rhysling
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Again, I'm going with the Motie, because the idea of stripping down to allow the aliens to inspect a human body could only be trumped by having the only woman in a whole lotta miles do the same, for instructional purposes.
 
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My favorite:

 
The strangest one I've read involved a man noticing that the farther away a letter had to go the faster it got there. So he sat down and wrote a letter to "The Postmaster, Galactic Postal System, Milky Way." He put it out for pick up and two minutes later the aliens were at his door to congratulate him on gaining admission to the Galactic Federation by dint of figuring there was a galactic postal system.
 
Greetings humanity. We of the interplanetary clique have been monitoring your planet's progress.

We regret to inform you that your civilizations have drifted beyond the point where your long term survival is possible without our assistance. As a result, your planet has forfeited its right to cultural quarantine, and must now provide our clique with compensation for the assistance you will need to survive. The only corporation to find value in your world is Galactic Entertainment. They will now invisibly reorganize your lives and society in the manner most amusing to their viewers. Since this involves allowing humans to continue to believe that they control the Earth, this message will not be transmitted to any human. Your pets however have enthusiastically approved this arrangement on your behalf.
 
Algr said:
Greetings humanity. We of the interplanetary clique have been monitoring your planet's progress.

We regret to inform you that your civilizations have drifted beyond the point where your long term survival is possible without our assistance. As a result, your planet has forfeited its right to cultural quarantine, and must now provide our clique with compensation for the assistance you will need to survive. The only corporation to find value in your world is Galactic Entertainment. They will now invisibly reorganize your lives and society in the manner most amusing to their viewers. Since this involves allowing humans to continue to believe that they control the Earth, this message will not be transmitted to any human. Your pets however have enthusiastically approved this arrangement on your behalf.
Only as long as "The Interstellar Truman Show" is getting good ratings, of course.
 

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