Call Radio Shack. I'm sure they will be more than happy to help ($$$). Tell them, "I need a relay that can be actuated with 5 volts, D C, and that can withstand 20 amps." Or (and probably better), describe to them exactly what you are doing. They may either recommend a relay for you, or they may even have a better solution. An alternative to Radio Shack is Fry's Electronics, but you may be overwhelmed when you go in there.
As far as salvaging, it depends on the car. But, usually, there is a box under the hood of the car that contains some heavy fuses and relays. If you go the salvage route, I would try to find the starter relay. To do that, follow the thick red cable out of the battery. If you see a box looking thing connected to this cable, with another much thinner wire coming out of it, then 99.999% chance you have found the starter relay. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to put it right next to the starter, which is under the car. Some cars simply do not have a starter relay (only a solenoid, which requires more current to actuate, and is almost always on the starter underneath the car, so don't bother in such a case).
A car in a salvage yard is essentially totalled, by definition (otherwise it would be on a used car lot). But that does not imply bad electrical components; it usually implies large-scale body/frame damage that would cost more to repair than the blue-book value of the car (an unfortunate little tid-bit when dealing with the insurance company). I would just try to find the newest car, since electrical components corrode over time. I only mention the salvage yard (yet again) because you voiced a concern over cost.