How Can I Stand Up for Myself and Say No to Doing Someone's Homework?

[Integral]

I work the nightshift for a large company. In the past there have been coworkers who were taking math or physics courses who if they needed some help would stop by my desk and I was very happy to help them with homework problems.

Well the other night I got a call from a friend and ex shift mate who has moved to a new job in the adjacent building. One of his new coworkers, with whom I have a nodding acquaintance, is taking a General Science course and needs some help, would I give her a call.

Sure..No problem, I say.

So the gal comes up to my desk and explains that she really is not interested in learning anything, just wants the grade. Would I help her fill out this sheet of homework. They were really trivial physics questions so I started going through them with her. Next thing I know she says, "Oh I have to go", and pulls about 5 or 6 pages of these questions out of her notebook, hands them to me and says, "let me know when you are done"! Then walks away!

I am simply not into doing someones homework FOR them, i will help them on an as needed basis but this is going to far. I am trying to work up the courage to say NO. haven't yet.. but I hate it when people take advantage of my good nature.

 

[hypermorphism]

I am simply not into doing someones homework FOR them, i will help this is going to far. I am trying to work up the courage to say NO. haven't yet.. but I hate it when people take advantage of my good nature.

Your viewpoint is in agreement with mine. Your right to refuse should be held as a given by anyone asking your assistance in any endeavour.

 

[motai]

If you really wanted to be mean you would put wrong answers down .

Given her philosophy towards learning, you shouldn't have to do her work. Saying no and having her learn from it is the only way she will be able to progress in the end.

 

[dextercioby]

She is a woman,you're a man,so i guess this story has nothing new in it...

Now,i hoped that u'd advertise this website and tell'er that,if she wanted help with homework without paying anything in return,this was the place for it.

Daniel.

 

[Integral]

She is near completion of some form of an IT degree, she does not seem to think Physics is a need to know thing. Perhaps she is right. I am a bit biased, some knowledge of physics helps with just about everything.

 

[Integral]

She is a woman,you're a man,so i guess this story has nothing new in it...

Now,i hoped that u'd advertise this website and tell'er that,if she wanted help with homework without paying anything in return,this was the place for it.

Daniel.

Of course I did! Sent her the link, she said she would share it with her class mates.

 

[motai]

She is near completion of some form of an IT degree, she does not seem to think Physics is a need to know thing. Perhaps she is right. I am a bit biased, some knowledge of physics helps with just about everything.

Still though, it goes beyond that. Her entire attitude towards learning is lacking in many ways. It is to her advantage that she tries to learn for the sake of learning and understanding rather than pile her work onto someone else and learn nothing.

 

[Integral]

If you really wanted to be mean you would put wrong answers down .

Given her philosophy towards learning, you shouldn't have to do her work. Saying no and having her learn from it is the only way she will be able to progress in the end.

The thought entered my mind, but I cannot bring myself to deliberatly sabotage anyone.

 

[Integral]

Still though, it goes beyond that. Her entire attitude towards learning is lacking in many ways. It is to her advantage that she tries to learn for the sake of learning and understanding rather than pile her work onto someone else and learn nothing.

AMEN! to that

 

[The Bob]

Your viewpoint is in agreement with mine. Your right to refuse should be held as a given by anyone asking your assistance in any endeavour.

Again, agreed.

Personally I would have said no straight away but here are the options as I see them:

1. Do the work and hand it back.
2. Do the work incorrectly and hand them back (that will teach her a lesson).
3. Put the papers in the bin and forget about them.
4. Shred the papers and return them to her in a parcel.
5. Tell her 'No, I am not doing the papers for you' and hand them back. Then see if she storms off or asks what she can do to make you help her.

Her attitude is all wrong as well. I dislike some parts of my course but others I just want to investiage more. It is the way it works yet this women seems to be wanting Grades for money that she would not be worthy of. She doesn't seem to care for physics and that annoys me. I know someone else like that and if me and a friend start talking physics he says 'Physics is boring. Who would read books on Physics and take it as a subject?'. That annoys me and then he gets me with 'Chemistry is boring as well'. That really does hurt at times as I find it fasinating to learn.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[BicycleTree]

If you didn't agree to do the sheets and she just assumed you would, then I think you should say no on principle. It sounds to me like she is a scheming person who dislikes her subject and has few ethics when it comes to avoid having to do it.

 

[Evo]

I work the nightshift for a large company. In the past there have been coworkers who were taking math or physics courses who if they needed some help would stop by my desk and I was very happy to help them with homework problems. <snip>

So the gal comes up to my desk and explains that she really is not interested in learning anything, just wants the grade. Would I help her fill out this sheet of homework. They were really trivial physics questions so I started going through them with her. Next thing I know she says, "Oh I have to go", and pulls about 5 or 6 pages of these questions out of her notebook, hands them to me and says, "let me know when you are done"! Then walks away!

I can't believe she had the nerve to do that!

I know you're in a tough spot, but absolutely no way can you do her work for her.

I would tell her that you'd be glad to continue your original offer of "help", if she is willing to do the work herself and come to you if she needs some help in grasping a concept and politely hand her sheets back to her.

Of course she seems brain dead, so you'll probably have to tell her that you don't believe in doing homework for "anyone" as it will not be truly helping them understand. She doesn't have to take any tests for this class?

Have you told the person that called you what happened? I doubt that they know or would condone what she did.

 

[Integral]

Again, agreed.

Personally I would have said no straight away but here are the options as I see them:

1. Do the work and hand it back.
2. Do the work incorrectly and hand them back (that will teach her a lesson).
3. Put the papers in the bin and forget about them.
4. Shred the papers and return them to her in a parcel.
5. Tell her 'No, I am not doing the papers for you' and hand them back. Then see if she storms off or asks what she can do to make you help her.

Her attitude is all wrong as well. I dislike some parts of my course but others I just want to investiage more. It is the way it works yet this women seems to be wanting Grades for money that she would not be worthy of. She doesn't seem to care for physics and that annoys me. I know someone else like that and if me and a friend start talking physics he says 'Physics is boring. Who would read books on Physics and take it as a subject?'. That annoys me and then he gets me with 'Chemistry is boring as well'. That really does hurt at times as I find it fasinating to learn.

The Bob (2004 ©)

I am not sure how people can walk through life with so little understanding of what is happening all around them. I cannot imagine not being able to understand at some minimal level why things work the way that they do. That is what a knowledge of physics gives you.

 

[Loren Booda]

Reminds me of a coed, and myself a bit older, who tried to tease me as her tutor into doing her business math assignment for her. That kind of relationship seems pathological. Hopefully she has since grown to realize the reward of duty in the real world.

So many, barely adults, accept sex as a trade for grades in college. It is no better, perhaps more dishonest, than prostitution.

 

[loseyourname]

You should really use an opportunity like this to get something in return. This girl sounds like a really easy mark.

 

[BicycleTree]

If she actually had to go somewhere then from the start she had no intention of staying to do the problems and came to you solely to dump her work on you. If she did not really have to go somewhere then she was lying just because she thought the subject was a drag even with your help and didn't want to put in even minimal effort. Either way she has few scruples and should not be humored.

 

[Huckleberry]

So the gal comes up to my desk and explains that she really is not interested in learning anything, just wants the grade. Would I help her fill out this sheet of homework. They were really trivial physics questions so I started going through them with her. Next thing I know she says, "Oh I have to go", and pulls about 5 or 6 pages of these questions out of her notebook, hands them to me and says, "let me know when you are done"! Then walks away!

I'm glad to see that this situation upsets you. Many people wouldn't hesitate to say no and that you question it even after she has disrespected you shows considerable compassion. I admire that. I agree with motai on all points, except the putting the wrong answers down. I'm assuming that was a joke.

If you do this once she will assume you will do it again. She will lose respect for you and learn nothing. You can always have me help her. She'll fil for sure then.

Huck

 

[Integral]

I can't believe she had the nerve to do that!

I know you're in a tough spot, but absolutely no way can you do her work for her.

I would tell her that you'd be glad to continue your original offer of "help", if she is willing to do the work herself and come to you if she needs some help in grasping a concept and politely hand her sheets back to her.

Of course she seems brain dead, so you'll probably have to tell her that you don't believe in doing homework for "anyone" as it will not be truly helping them understand. She doesn't have to take any tests for this class?

She is a very intelligent lady, evitently the course test are all online, I think her intent is to use the homework sheets to do the online tests (not sure how this works) She also has labs which she is doing.

Have you told the person that called you what happened? I doubt that they know or would condone what she did.

No I haven't, I will RSN.

 

[Moonbear]

If you really wanted to be mean you would put wrong answers down .

I like the way you think!

Another evil alternative:
Wait until she calls/visits looking for the answers because they are due soon, and hand her the blank pages with one of the following responses:
a) Oh, shoot, I completely forgot you wanted me to do your homework for you!
b) Sorry, I didn't have time.
c) Hold them to your forehead and say, "I see a big ZERO in your future."

Or, you can offer her a multiple choice problem:
If a student hands their homework to Integral to do for them, which of the following will NOT happen?
a) Integral will gladly do it for them.
b) Integral will be really pissed.
c) Integral will assist them to find their own answers.
d) Integral will post nasty stories about you online.

I would probably just hold onto the papers, and when she returns explain that since she left them with you, you assumed she was coming back for more help later. Under no circumstance would I do the homework for her, and if she protests, simply explain that you already took all your classes and paid your dues, you're not about to do someone else's homework unless you get the grade for it instead of them.

 

[The Bob]

I am not sure how people can walk through life with so little understanding of what is happening all around them. I cannot imagine not being able to understand at some minimal level why things work the way that they do. That is what a knowledge of physics gives you.

I agree. It would drive me insane if I didn't know what I know already and potentially what I could know.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Smurf]

putting the wrong answers down won't teach her a lesson at all. I mean, she'll learn that she can't do that with you, but she'll just find someone else and this time research them a bit more first.

 

[The Bob]

I would probably just hold onto the papers, and when she returns explain that since she left them with you, you assumed she was coming back for more help later. Under no circumstance would I do the homework for her, and if she protests, simply explain that you already took all your classes and paid your dues, you're not about to do someone else's homework unless you get the grade for it instead of them.

I like it.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Smurf]

I would probably just hold onto the papers, and when she returns explain that since she left them with you, you assumed she was coming back for more help later. Under no circumstance would I do the homework for her, and if she protests, simply explain that you already took all your classes and paid your dues, you're not about to do someone else's homework unless you get the grade for it instead of them.

This does indeed sound like the best solution.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I ran into a problem like this recently with a close family member. First he asked me to do some calculation for a court case that he was pursuing, which was fine, but then he asked me to fudge the calculations. Even though this is waaaayyyyyy over the line, [not to mention that obviously he thinks I can drop everything for a couple of days, for free, for what turns out to be his little scam] I think the same answer applies: I don't feel comfortable doing this. I would just explain very nicely that this violates academic ethics.

 

[Evo]

I like the way you think!

Another evil alternative:
Wait until she calls/visits looking for the answers because they are due soon, and hand her the blank pages with one of the following responses:
a) Oh, shoot, I completely forgot you wanted me to do your homework for you!
b) Sorry, I didn't have time.
c) Hold them to your forehead and say, "I see a big ZERO in your future."

Or, you can offer her a multiple choice problem:
If a student hands their homework to Integral to do for them, which of the following will NOT happen?
a) Integral will gladly do it for them.
b) Integral will be really pissed.
c) Integral will assist them to find their own answers.
d) Integral will post nasty stories about you online.

Ok, I've got to go with Moonbear's suggestions.

 

[Integral]

Oh, yeah,

She called me last night (this started 2 nights ago) to "remind me".

 

[Integral]

If she actually had to go somewhere then from the start she had no intention of staying to do the problems and came to you solely to dump her work on you. If she did not really have to go somewhere then she was lying just because she thought the subject was a drag even with your help and didn't want to put in even minimal effort. Either way she has few scruples and should not be humored.

To her credit, she got a page.. We are pager driven.

 

[Math Is Hard]

She is a very intelligent lady

She sure is. She's playing you like a damn violin! People who don't do their own work make me furious.
It seems like people have absolutely no shame anymore. Sorry, but this is the one subject that makes me want to hit the ceiling.

I went to my French class last Tuesday and turned in my first composition. I knew it had some mistakes, but I was proud because I worked really hard on it.

I asked a classmate what she wrote about and she said she had written about a famous person (someone who is no longer living) so I asked her, "Wasn't that difficult? You wrote about someone who is dead, but we haven't even studied using past tense yet." She said "oh, I just got a friend of mine to write it for me." and shrugged.

GRRRR!

On top of that, I get really sick of people trying to cheat off me on tests. They aren't even subtle about it.

OK, rant over. Sorry.

 

[2CentsWorth]

She doesn't have to take any tests for this class?

Good point, as tests occur throughout life, and why one might want to actually learn.

You should really use an opportunity like this to get something in return. This girl sounds like a really easy mark.

If you do this once she will assume you will do it again.

Right.

I don't feel comfortable doing this. I would just explain very nicely that this violates academic ethics.

This was my first thought in reading the original post. Just because she lacks ethics doesn't mean you want to be her accomplice.

 

[franznietzsche]

She is near completion of some form of an IT degree, she does not seem to think Physics is a need to know thing. Perhaps she is right. I am a bit biased, some knowledge of physics helps with just about everything.

Personally if someone did that to me, i'd just throw the sheets away. Too bad for them.

But I'm evil. Don't listen to me.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

c) Hold them to your forehead and say, "I see a big ZERO in your future."

My favorite.

 

[Dooga Blackrazor]

Some people don't do homework themselves because they don't need to do it. I often copy answers from other people, but I don't specifically ask them to do sheets for me. I would talk to her and ask her what her situation is. Maybe her marks will drop because of this, or, perhaps you can suggest that she find another student in her class to copy.

 

[franznietzsche]

Some people don't do homework themselves because they don't need to do it. I often copy answers from other people, but I don't specifically ask them to do sheets for me. I would talk to her and ask her what her situation is. Maybe her marks will drop because of this, or, perhaps you can suggest that she find another student in her class to copy.

Well i would guess that everyone's opinion of you just plummeted.

Cheating is cheating, whether you "need" to do it or not.

 

[Bladibla]

I work the nightshift for a large company. In the past there have been coworkers who were taking math or physics courses who if they needed some help would stop by my desk and I was very happy to help them with homework problems.

Well the other night I got a call from a friend and ex shift mate who has moved to a new job in the adjacent building. One of his new coworkers, with whom I have a nodding acquaintance, is taking a General Science course and needs some help, would I give her a call.

Sure..No problem, I say.

So the gal comes up to my desk and explains that she really is not interested in learning anything, just wants the grade. Would I help her fill out this sheet of homework. They were really trivial physics questions so I started going through them with her. Next thing I know she says, "Oh I have to go", and pulls about 5 or 6 pages of these questions out of her notebook, hands them to me and says, "let me know when you are done"! Then walks away!

I am simply not into doing someones homework FOR them, i will help them on an as needed basis but this is going to far. I am trying to work up the courage to say NO. haven't yet.. but I hate it when people take advantage of my good nature.

Such insults require high degree of pain punishments..i.e. death.

 

[Pengwuino]

I am simply not into doing someones homework FOR them, i will help them on an as needed basis but this is going to far. I am trying to work up the courage to say NO. haven't yet.. but I hate it when people take advantage of my good nature.

Unless she's decent -> hot, i would have said "the hell if I am doing all of this" before she got 10 feet away from me. If she's got looks though, make her pay up ;) if you know what i mean lol.

 

[Integral]

Unless she's decent -> hot, i would have said "the hell if I am doing all of this" before she got 10 feet away from me. If she's got looks though, make her pay up ;) if you know what i mean lol.

In my work environment, (down sizing, large corp, PC to the max) this is simply not considered.

Anyway, she already has a wife and 2 kids

 

[Math Is Hard]

Unless she's decent -> hot, i would have said "the hell if I am doing all of this" before she got 10 feet away from me. If she's got looks though, make her pay up ;) if you know what i mean lol.

Integral is married. But there is a larger lesson she needs to learn - and that is self-reliance. If Integral does her homework for her he is reinforcing a psychological message that she can just go crying to someone who is truly knowledgeable every time she needs to be bailed out of a jam.

What if Integral is not the first person to help her out? If she's submitting her work online, she may have hordes of people doing her homework for her. If you're an IT manager, is this the kind of person you want controlling your networks? Hell, no! When it's 11 p.m. and the network goes down, do you want someone who knows her stuff and can start working on the problem immediately, or do you want someone who says to you, "Um, sorry, I can't have an answer for you until tomorrow morning when my friend Ellen wakes up and can advise me on how to fix the problem."

Sorry, but to foster an attitude and a work ethic like that is just crazy. We all have to work hard and do things we don't feel we need to do. This is part of maturity.

 

[honestrosewater]

If you're uncomfortable saying no, there are some little things you can do to make it easier. State it as a general principle instead of a personal rejection or challenge: "I can't do people's work for them." instead of "I won't do your work for you". Also, assume innocence. Maybe your mutual friend gave her- or she got- the impression that you would do her work for her (and she wasn't being rude or presumptuous). That would be a good way to approach it; "Maybe you got the wrong impression. I'm glad to help people when I can, but I just don't do other people's work for them." Or some such. Just stick with "I can't" and don't back down. Whatever you do, I hope you're comfortable with it.

 

[Integral]

I just must be a gutless wonder, she stopped by my desk a bit ago. I gave her the sheets, said "I am just not motivated to get these done, here you take them" Earlier I had gone through a couple of pages, so she tore of those, then we discussed another problem she was dealing with.. This is the kind of help I like to give. I explained some tricks about letting the units guide you. Good stuff.

Then, she handed me back the rest of the sheets, I repeated that I did not think I would have time to do them.

She, ... "Well, you have 2 weeks" Walks away

 

[Math Is Hard]

Oh no! Now you've done it! Integral, this is just like feeding a stray cat! You do it once and you'll never be rid of her. The only way out now is the "elegant weasel". You've got to find two physics tutors immediately and get their phone numbers (or email addresses).

Now, you've got to tell her, "oh, I can't believe the amount of work that was just unloaded on me! I wish I could help you but, I am so overwhelmed." Give her the numbers of the two tutors and say, "Here, maybe they can help you." Get yourself out of this mess!

 

[hypnagogue]

ugh. Judging by that reaction, she thinks she has you in the palm of her hand. Don't live up to that!

I suggest giving the papers over to the guy who sent her over to you, so he can give them back to her. That puts you back in control of things, instead of having the papers rotting away in your desk while you wait for her to show up again. It might also be easier for you since it avoids direct confrontation, at least initially. If she shows up again, help her out, but be adamant about not keeping the papers for yourself. If you're up to it, you might want to drop a hint that if she tries pulling that again, then your services are withdrawn completely.

But one way or another, you just have to be assertive here. I disagree with MIH; don't weasel, just put your foot down! Do not let her play you like a fiddle! She has nothing on you except your own inability to be firm thus far.

 

[Joel]

Don't walk around the hot pot. She's working in your company, call her up and say everything your thinking (don't let her interrupt you, just part of the story may sound bad). End your monologue by asking why she doesn't seem to want your help and offer it to her again sincerely. She can become mad at you, in which case it's her loss (you're the one with the moral high ground), she may give you a REALLY good reason (no, not THAT reason) for doing them, or she will ask you for proper help.

It will take you 5-10mins, which I will assume is a lot less than pondering around it.

 

[honestrosewater]

Eh, this may sound a bit dramatic, but I saw a show today about how to act in an encounter with a grisley bear. If you and the bear just stumbled across each other while wandering around, you must stand your ground. Don't run away- it makes you seem like prey, and bears can climb trees and run faster than you. Only play dead as a last resort. Pepper spray works well. If the bear seeks you out at night and attacks you, it wants to eat you- fight or die. Oh, and never, NEVER feed them! Heh, I think it applies quite nicely actually.
Disclaimer: At least that's what the ranger people said- I haven't tested these for myself; I live in Florida near the beach, and there aren't many bears around. But you're supposed to run from alligators in zig-zag patterns, shuffle your feet to scare away stingrays, and punch sharks in the gills. Actually, this is better- do all this and she'll think you're crazy and won't bother you anymore.
Edit: Um, make that a grizzly bear. I'm very tired. It would have been funny if I spelled it gristly.

 

[brewnog]

Don't become the doormat Integral...

 

[hypatia]

I would put them in a envelope, along with a note explaining why your idea of help is, not to do the work for her. It may be a easier way to stand your ground.

 

[xJuggleboy]

I guess I am going to be the only one on the side of the chick...

School is not about learning. Its about passing. I have had several teachers/professors say that to me and I believe it. They don't care if you cheat. It they caught you on the other hand they would fail you. They assume if you are able to get the work done (by your own hand or not) you have learned something, and can do it again. There are many people who sail threw life learning hardly anything from the courses they take and get "A"s all the way. Its the way of life.

I don't particularly care for cheating or cheaters. But they also have there place in the world and if you feel you can teach her a moral lesson by not doing it then dont. But she will most likely find someone else who can.

Therefor, if you want to be the one "helping" her and reaping whatever reward comes from it, I feel you would be doing nothing wrong.

 

[BobG]

Actually, I see nothing wrong with what she's doing, either. She may be majoring in something in IT, but she'll wind up in sales and probably do quite well. In that sense, she's learning far more pertinent skills by what she's doing than if he just did the work herself.

Selling 'nothing' isn't that easy to do. It really focuses in on the idea that there's a lot of intangibles in any interaction that are just as sellable as a widget.

However, you can't make a living on the idea that the only thing that matters is the sale. Those high pressure sales where you get money (or something else) from an unhappy customer may make the difference between 'just getting by' and 'doing quite well', but if you don't have a core group that's happy with their transactions you won't even get to the 'just barely getting by' point. And she will certainly be a fool if she goes out into the world relying just on pressure to close the really important make or break sales.

She should learn that, and, if you're unhappy about the transaction, the best help you could give her would be to quit doing her work for her, preferably now instead of waiting to let her know the night before it's due. That way, she can try again on another victim, I mean customer. Better for her to improve her skills now than later.

 

[Smurf]

I knew there was a reason I liked you Bob

 

[Artman]

You're too nice Integral.

My gosh, she is so lazy she won't sit in the room while someone else does the work?! She is treating you like hired help. So, charge her a two tiered consulting fee. One price for helping her to learn it and another price for doing it yourself. Say $20.00 and hour to help her, $80.00 an hour to do it yourself.

Hey, if your not going to learn how to do it yourself, you need to be willing to pay to have it done. That's a lesson she better learn.

 

[Math Is Hard]

But one way or another, you just have to be assertive here. I disagree with MIH; don't weasel, just put your foot down!

Oh, how I wish he would! I just don't think he will. People like this woman are so incredibly manipulative - I think she'll find some way to make him cave.

I think Hypatia came up with a pretty good compromise.

Back when I was taking calculus, there was a woman in my class, Deb, who was getting ready to apply to med school. She wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon. Deb was super nice to me and always sat right next to me. When exam time came, I figured out why. She did everything but reach over and grab my test to look at the answers. The professor looked the other way since she'd buttered him up pretty good. Deb was a genius at schmoozing and sucking up. She had a very successful career in sales.

A woman I work with knows her, and a couple of weeks ago she mentioned to me in passing that Deb had flunked her MCAT exam. Guess she couldn't figure out a way to cheat her way through that one. I felt relieved that her lack of knowledge finally caught up with her. I don't think I'd want someone who cheated their way through school operating on me.