An observer far away from an event horizon never sees a particle cross the event horizon. How does this effect the apparent merger of two black holes?
(a) You cannot see the apparent nor absolute horizon of any black holes, merging or not. There is nothing to see..it is a mathematical boundary. If you deal with Leonard Susskinds's "stretched horizon", the degrees of freedom just above the apparent or absolute horiozn, then a particle or merging black holes would be seen to spread out over the merging horizon...but in the
(b) The "particle never crossing" is the view from a great distance, a stationary non accelerating observer, essentially at infinity...such a perspective does NOT hold near the horizon of a single black hole nor merging black holes.
You question is analogous to asking (in special relativity): If two observers in relative high speed motion see each other's clocks are running slower than there own, which is correct? They both are.
or analogous in general relativity, "If two distant observers each within different gravitational potentials observe each other's clocks are running different from their own, which is correct? Again, they both are.
Since "stretched horizons are not typically discussed here that I have seen, here is what Susskind says about them:
Black Hole Complementarity
Leonard Susskind, THE BLACK HOLE WAR
Complementarity
(p238) Today a standard concept in black hole physics is a stretched horizon which is a layer of hot microscopic degrees of freedom about one Planck length thick and a Planck length above the event horizon. Every so often a bit gets carried out in an evaporation process. This is Hawking radiation. A free falling observer sees empty space.
(p258) From an outside observer’s point of view, an in falling particle gets blasted apart….ionized….at the stretched horizon…before the particle crosses the event horizon. At maybe 100,000 degrees it has a short wavelength and any detection attempt will ionize it or not detect it!
(p270)…. eventually the particle image is blurred as it is smeared over the stretched horizon and….and the image may later be recovered in long wavelength Hawking radiation. (I think this means scrambled information.)