How to Nicely End Romantic Pursuit Without Making Things Awkward?

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In this discussion, a person seeks advice on how to communicate to a friend of their brother that they are not romantically interested, while minimizing future awkwardness. Suggestions include being honest about feelings, such as stating a lack of romantic interest or mentioning being focused on other priorities like education. Some participants recommend using humor or indirect methods, like claiming interest in someone else, to deflect advances. The conversation takes a serious turn when the original poster describes unsettling behavior from the friend, including watching them sleep, which raises concerns about boundaries. The consensus emphasizes the importance of clear communication and setting firm boundaries, especially given the friend's inappropriate actions. Participants also suggest involving the brother for additional support if necessary, and some express concern for the original poster's safety and comfort. Overall, the thread highlights the challenges of navigating unwanted romantic interest while maintaining social ties.
  • #51
loseyourname said:
Steve Urkel did it. He might have even kept it up for 8 years.

Earth to LYN, Steve Urkel lives in TV Land. Real guys have better things to do.

Out of curiosity, if this guy really did show that kind of devotion to you for the next 8 years, do you think you'd go out with him then?

No, I would not. :biggrin:

(you realize you were quoting me, right?)
 
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  • #52
Tom Mattson said:
Earth to LYN, Steve Urkel lives in TV Land. Real guys have better things to do.

I must know a lot of fake guys then because woooo, seems like all the girls i know know an urkel whos obsessed with them.
 
  • #53
loseyourname said:
Out of curiosity, if this guy really did show that kind of devotion to you for the next 8 years, do you think you'd go out with him then?
Not unless he changed considerably in the meantime. And I don't think he's on the right side of the line between unwanted devotion and trouble.
Also out of curiosity, after this, exactly how do you aim to keep future interactions from being awkward? And why the hell do you even care?
Astronuc's right- because he's my brother's friend. As things stand now, I can still be comfortable enough around him. He doesn't scare me- he just has me on edge at the moment.
 
  • #54
Tom Mattson said:
No, I would not. :biggrin:
Seriously, an 8 year forecast for your love life is bound to be less reliable than an 8 year forecast for the weather. But you'll find that out for yourself. :-p :!)
 
  • #55
None of my ideas are getting considered here :D
 
  • #56
Pengwuino said:
None of my ideas are getting considered here :D
Sorry, I was just about to reply to you. It hasn't gotten to the point of needing a restraining order, but I'll keep it in mind if it comes to that. I knew someone- I wouldn't call him a stalker- he didn't hide or anything or come around my home, just my work and public places, was aggressive. I didn't get that vibe from this guy.

Maybe I've just put myself in bad situations, but I've met too many guys who really just don't even care if you say 'No'. Or maybe they're just the ones I remember. Is that really a problem for a lot of other people?
 
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  • #57
Rose, it comes down to you, no advice anyone can give you, can fit your
situation, but you have maturity and common sense on your side, use it
wisely as i know you will and all will turn out just fine.
 
  • #58
Tom Mattson said:
No, I would not. :biggrin:

(you realize you were quoting me, right?)

I realized, but I did intend that portion as an address to Rachel. Figured she'd get it.
 
  • #59
honestrosewater said:
Astronuc's right- because he's my brother's friend. As things stand now, I can still be comfortable enough around him. He doesn't scare me- he just has me on edge at the moment.

I've had friends of my sisters develop crushes on me, but they were usually so much younger that it was more cute than creepy. How long do you intend to continue living on your parents' couch? I did that for a couple of months and came to realize that expecting any measure of privacy or the ability to sleep when I actually wanted to were unrealistic expectations.
 
  • #60
wolram said:
Rose, it comes down to you, no advice anyone can give you, can fit your
situation, but you have maturity and common sense on your side, use it
wisely as i know you will and all will turn out just fine.
:blushing: I was just teasing about the doughnuts and Coke. We'll have a grand feast. It will have to be vegetarian though- unless you want to prepare the dead carcass dishes. Deal? :wink:
 
  • #61
honestrosewater said:
:blushing: I was just teasing about the doughnuts and Coke. We'll have a grand feast. It will have to be vegetarian though- unless you want to prepare the dead carcass dishes. Deal? :wink:

Ok deal, how can anyone resist.
 
  • #62
loseyourname said:
I've had friends of my sisters develop crushes on me, but they were usually so much younger that it was more cute than creepy. How long do you intend to continue living on your parents' couch? I did that for a couple of months and came to realize that expecting any measure of privacy or the ability to sleep when I actually wanted to were unrealistic expectations.
It was just my mom and myself- my brother just moved in last week. We're on different schedules, so privacy and such isn't a problem. I have some other problems that have prevented me from feeling safe living on my own, but I'm making great progress with them. I haven't set plans to move out. I'll leave when it's time.
 
  • #63
Ladder theory

honestrosewater said:
If you're romantically interested in someone, what can they say to make you completely abandon your pursuit of them but not make future interactions with them awkward? Yes, it's me- one of my brother's friends has taken a liking to me, and nothing I've said seems to have worked.
You might show him this link and tell him that he is not on your good ladder.
http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm

womansladder1.jpg
 
  • #64
honestrosewater said:
It was just my mom and myself- my brother just moved in last week. We're on different schedules, so privacy and such isn't a problem. I have some other problems that have prevented me from feeling safe living on my own, but I'm making great progress with them. I haven't set plans to move out. I'll leave when it's time.

Moving out doesn't have to mean living on your own. Heck, I live with my girlfriend, and I can assure you it hasn't interfered with work or school. Then again, health problems have kept me from working, so there is no 'work' to interfere with, but I am in the process of writing a novel, which I do consider to be work. She hasn't interfered with that, either.
 
  • #65
honestrosewater said:
(snip)
Maybe I should mention how I met him this morning. I woke up and he was two feet from my face. He was like just sitting there in the dark watching me sleep. Told me blah blah you're so pretty. Do I want to get up and talk to him? I was half-asleep, so I just said, no I want to sleep and fell back asleep. Of course, I was irrate when I finally woke up.

He suggested coming over today to keep me company. I said it wasn't necessary. As he was leaving, he said he would stop by and I said I would be asleep most of the day.

So it's his rather alarming behavior that makes me want to put a complete stop to it ASAP. I can deal with pushy, but this is a little more than just pushy.
Bah- that's how upset I am- I can't even spell.

I'd say it's past the "awkward" stage already --- hurt feelings are his problem, not yours, nor your brother's. Explain to your brother that his "friend" is a creep, and that if he would pass along the information that you will be calling the cops vis a vis establishing the groundwork for a peace bond, or worse, you would appreciate it. You have no option in the situation you have described but to go "nuclear."
 
  • #66
Yeah that's just creepy. Just tell him to bugger off.
 
  • #67
Well, it's only been one day, poor guy was smitten with you. Hopefully he will take the hint and move on to greener pastures. You are right in nipping this in the bud instead of waiting.

Have you tried spinach and garlic, heavy on the onions? The spinach between the teeth and the onion and garlic breath are great at discouraging potential suitors. Just smile a lot and breath heavily whenever he's near. Maybe you could chew on your toenails in front of him? (I read a recent survey that said 27% of college students admitted to chewing on their toenails!)
 
  • #68
My sister fancied one of my mates once.

He waited until we were in a room full of our friends, before shouting "STOP FLIRTING WITH ME!" at her. It did the trick!
 
  • #69
Evo said:
Have you tried spinach and garlic, heavy on the onions? The spinach between the teeth and the onion and garlic breath are great at discouraging potential suitors. Just smile a lot and breath heavily whenever he's near. Maybe you could chew on your toenails in front of him? (I read a recent survey that said 27% of college students admitted to chewing on their toenails!)

Are there normal people in this country??!
 
  • #70
Well, I had a talk with my brother. He hasn't stopped by again yet, so maybe he got the message. :smile:
And, no, the normal people all went to Canada but were soon kicked out. I think they settled in Washington but were eaten by the local Bigfoot.
 

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