- #1
leroyjenkens
- 616
- 49
This may be kinda long, but I have to get this off my chest and possibly find some answers. So bless you if you actually read all of this and have a desire to help.
This is the first summer in a long time that I'm not taking any classes, and I find myself not having anything to do. I'm kinda just sitting on the internet most of the day. Occasionally I'll go out to eat with one of my friends, or go to my friend's house on the weekend, but other than that, I just work and stay home. I work part time and get off work about 10AM, so I have the whole day to do stuff.
I feel like everyone else is finding new and exciting things to do every day, and I'm just kinda wasting my life. It's kinda depressing.
I only have 2 longtime friends, both of whom I've known since childhood. I feel like I'm growing out of them. They both work fulltime jobs and are both pretty lazy and never have any money. They're pretty much going to be working fulltime and never going to have any money for the rest of their lives.
It's not that I'm a unsociable recluse or anything. I love going out and meeting new people, but I just don't like forcing it. I want to meet new people as a consequence of the activity that I'm doing.
For example, whenever I'm taking math or physics classes, I kinda just sit there and take notes and get out of there ASAP. I never really form any relationships. But I really enjoy labs, because I work with a partner, and I get to talk to them and get to know them. I took a bunch of theater classes, not only because I love theater, but because it allows me to be social without it being forced.
Other than meeting people as a consequence of activities, I'm really clueless on how people meet. I'm really conscious about not seeming creepy or imposing on anyone, so I don't just walk up to random people and start conversations. I'm at a point in my life where I feel I have to get moving, and I set a goal for this summer to do something new every day and meet new people if the opportunities present themselves.
I want some more friends that I can treat like my other two lifelong friends, such as calling them and saying "Hey, what's up, what are you doing today? You want to hang out?" I know a bunch of people from work or school and none of us have that sort of relationship. At work, I feel like this person sees me every day at work, and there's probably some kind of negative association they have for me because of the circumstances by which we encounter each other. But there's very few of them I'd want to hang out with outside of work anyway.
I know a few people from school, but we never really got that close. The ones I did get close with, I haven't seen in a while and I think it would be kinda weird just texting them after all this time. A couple of them being girls that I was pretty interested in.
And that brings me to something that may be a big source of my problem; I don't currently have a girlfriend or even any prospects of one. I think a girl would normalize me, because I think I've drifted off the path I'd like to be on quite a bit. That path being my mental state. I feel like I'm unstable mentally (not in a dangerous way or a "I need medication" way). I can get really upset over things that shouldn't really upset me all that much. Like if someone on the road is just driving like they have a special privilege and do something that I feel is disrespectful towards me for no reason, then I'll get upset and feel like I have to get them back in some way. So I'll honk at them or something... just a little something to make me feel like I didn't let them get away with what I consider an injustice. If I forget to honk or if I let them get in front of me after they passed a bunch of cars in a long line to cut in line, then I'll be upset for a while. I'll keep thinking about it and be disappointed in myself for letting it happen. I think that might be a result of being alone too long. I think I've gotten kinda eccentric in certain ways because of not having enough recent social experience.
So, finally, my question is how do I make new friends? I made a resolution this summer to go places and do things, and right now that will have to be done mostly alone. But I want to go places where I could meet people normally and not just intrude on them.
For example, I went to the beach a few days ago; hadn't been to the beach in a while. I saw a bunch of nice looking girls who were sunbathing alone. I could have been that guy to go up to them and try to start a conversation, but obviously I didn't. That would be sort of a faux pas to me. I need a reason to talk to them, and not just go up to them and bother them. I know some people would say "Just go up to them and try to talk to them, and if you're lucky, that will be the start of a beautiful relationship. And if she gives you the 23 skidoo, then move on to someone else." The problem with that advice is I still bothered that person, and I guess I feel like that reflects badly on me. I feel that they'll think negatively of me, or at least it will be an uncomfortable situation, and I'm extremely sensitive to uncomfortable or awkward situations.
So does anyone have any ideas on what I can do and where I can go that presents circumstances conducive to sociability within the boundaries that I've set up? Or maybe you have a diagnosis for my mental problems?
This is the first summer in a long time that I'm not taking any classes, and I find myself not having anything to do. I'm kinda just sitting on the internet most of the day. Occasionally I'll go out to eat with one of my friends, or go to my friend's house on the weekend, but other than that, I just work and stay home. I work part time and get off work about 10AM, so I have the whole day to do stuff.
I feel like everyone else is finding new and exciting things to do every day, and I'm just kinda wasting my life. It's kinda depressing.
I only have 2 longtime friends, both of whom I've known since childhood. I feel like I'm growing out of them. They both work fulltime jobs and are both pretty lazy and never have any money. They're pretty much going to be working fulltime and never going to have any money for the rest of their lives.
It's not that I'm a unsociable recluse or anything. I love going out and meeting new people, but I just don't like forcing it. I want to meet new people as a consequence of the activity that I'm doing.
For example, whenever I'm taking math or physics classes, I kinda just sit there and take notes and get out of there ASAP. I never really form any relationships. But I really enjoy labs, because I work with a partner, and I get to talk to them and get to know them. I took a bunch of theater classes, not only because I love theater, but because it allows me to be social without it being forced.
Other than meeting people as a consequence of activities, I'm really clueless on how people meet. I'm really conscious about not seeming creepy or imposing on anyone, so I don't just walk up to random people and start conversations. I'm at a point in my life where I feel I have to get moving, and I set a goal for this summer to do something new every day and meet new people if the opportunities present themselves.
I want some more friends that I can treat like my other two lifelong friends, such as calling them and saying "Hey, what's up, what are you doing today? You want to hang out?" I know a bunch of people from work or school and none of us have that sort of relationship. At work, I feel like this person sees me every day at work, and there's probably some kind of negative association they have for me because of the circumstances by which we encounter each other. But there's very few of them I'd want to hang out with outside of work anyway.
I know a few people from school, but we never really got that close. The ones I did get close with, I haven't seen in a while and I think it would be kinda weird just texting them after all this time. A couple of them being girls that I was pretty interested in.
And that brings me to something that may be a big source of my problem; I don't currently have a girlfriend or even any prospects of one. I think a girl would normalize me, because I think I've drifted off the path I'd like to be on quite a bit. That path being my mental state. I feel like I'm unstable mentally (not in a dangerous way or a "I need medication" way). I can get really upset over things that shouldn't really upset me all that much. Like if someone on the road is just driving like they have a special privilege and do something that I feel is disrespectful towards me for no reason, then I'll get upset and feel like I have to get them back in some way. So I'll honk at them or something... just a little something to make me feel like I didn't let them get away with what I consider an injustice. If I forget to honk or if I let them get in front of me after they passed a bunch of cars in a long line to cut in line, then I'll be upset for a while. I'll keep thinking about it and be disappointed in myself for letting it happen. I think that might be a result of being alone too long. I think I've gotten kinda eccentric in certain ways because of not having enough recent social experience.
So, finally, my question is how do I make new friends? I made a resolution this summer to go places and do things, and right now that will have to be done mostly alone. But I want to go places where I could meet people normally and not just intrude on them.
For example, I went to the beach a few days ago; hadn't been to the beach in a while. I saw a bunch of nice looking girls who were sunbathing alone. I could have been that guy to go up to them and try to start a conversation, but obviously I didn't. That would be sort of a faux pas to me. I need a reason to talk to them, and not just go up to them and bother them. I know some people would say "Just go up to them and try to talk to them, and if you're lucky, that will be the start of a beautiful relationship. And if she gives you the 23 skidoo, then move on to someone else." The problem with that advice is I still bothered that person, and I guess I feel like that reflects badly on me. I feel that they'll think negatively of me, or at least it will be an uncomfortable situation, and I'm extremely sensitive to uncomfortable or awkward situations.
So does anyone have any ideas on what I can do and where I can go that presents circumstances conducive to sociability within the boundaries that I've set up? Or maybe you have a diagnosis for my mental problems?