- #1
Dremmer
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Is their ex-spouse still your uncle or aunt?
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If your parent's sister or brother gets divorced?
- Thread starter Dremmer
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Discussion Overview
The discussion revolves around the familial status of ex-spouses in the context of divorce, specifically whether they retain the titles of uncle or aunt. Participants explore personal experiences and varying perspectives on maintaining relationships with ex-relatives after a divorce.
Discussion Character
- Debate/contested
- Exploratory
- Conceptual clarification
Main Points Raised
- Some participants suggest that an ex-spouse can still be considered an uncle or aunt, depending on personal relationships and circumstances.
- Others argue that the relevance of an ex-relative may diminish based on the closeness of the relationship prior to the divorce and the age of the nieces or nephews involved.
- A participant shares a personal account of how divorce affected their relationship with their ex-husband's family, indicating that contact can cease entirely.
- Another participant notes that family dynamics can shift, as exemplified by a father of an ex-spouse who has taken on a grandfather role in their family.
- Some participants emphasize that family relationships are ultimately defined by individual choices and connections rather than strict definitions.
- There are humorous exchanges about the terminology used to describe negative feelings towards an ex-spouse, reflecting the emotional complexity of such relationships.
Areas of Agreement / Disagreement
Participants do not reach a consensus; multiple competing views remain regarding the status of ex-spouses as family members and the nature of familial relationships post-divorce.
Contextual Notes
The discussion highlights the subjective nature of familial relationships and the impact of personal experiences, which may vary widely among individuals.
- #2
Astronuc
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I'd say yes, but that's a personal matter. One can certainly maintain contact with the spouse of one's aunt or uncle if the couple divorces. My family did on my father's side.Dremmer said:
- #3
Evo
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It depends on your relationship. My ex-husbands wife cheated on him and left him and she had been my girl's stepmother for at least 8 years. When she dumped their father she cut off all contact with my girls too.
She's a POS.
She's a POS.
- #4
chaoseverlasting
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Pos?
- #5
Proton Soup
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pail of shinola
- #6
Borek
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Piece of something starting with s.
- #7
Borg
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From http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119654/quotes?qt0402567"Borek said:
Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S.
I've always loved that quote.
As far as the OP, I would say that an ex-spouse is still an uncle or aunt as long as that's what everyone wants.
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- #8
BobG
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Dremmer said:
Yes.
In practice, it kind of depends on age, how close everyone was before the divorce, and how everyone gets along after the divorce.
If it was an uncle or aunt you rarely saw before the divorce (they've always lived out of town or whatever), then you'll probably see them even less after the divorce and they'll quickly become irrelevant.
If the nieces/nephews are kids and their parents want nothing to do with their sister/brothers ex, then the uncle/aunt will probably become irrelevant, as well.
If the nephews/nieces are older, then a divorce between the uncle/aunt will probably have little effect on the relationship with the nephews/nieces.
In my case, most of my nephews/nieces on my ex's side are adults or nearly adults. If I had a close relationship with them when they were growing up, then I still have a close relationship with them after the divorce. If I rarely saw them before the divorce, then I still have no relationship with them after the divorce.
To be honest, there's no guarantee that even the brothers/sisters will accept the idea of being put on one side or the other in a divorce. My ex's family is very close, so I've spoken to her brothers/sisters after the divorce maybe 2 or 3 times in the last 2 1/2 years, but I've gotten the impression that it's a half hearted taking of sides from what they've said to me and by what they've said to my kids.
- #9
Alfi
My mother tells me that if I divorced my wife... I'm gone.
My wife would still be welcome to visit whenever she wanted.
My wife would still be welcome to visit whenever she wanted.
- #10
physics girl phd
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Somehow my husband's ex-spouse's father has decided to become our daughter's grandpa too. After visiting us (including his actual grandchildren, my stepsons -- who yeah, I call "my guys" too) he decided to adopt me; he started calling my husband his son-in-law again. He now visits us more than his own daughter.
I guess family can be what you decide to make it...
I guess family can be what you decide to make it...
- #11
Borek
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physics girl phd said:
Can you draw it?
Agreed.
- #12
turbo
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Family IS what you make it. An old high school friend married my sister back in '71. She saw greener pastures and divorced him after making his life hell for a while. He and I remained friends, and I'd stay at his new place with his new college-age girlfriend whenever I was in that area and wanted to attend a concert, party, whatever. We are still close. My wife and I help him and his wife (the long-ago college chick) open up their camps, clean up for the summer season, put in the dock at the lake camp, etc. They call regularly, and never fail to drop by when they're in the area. I haven't seen his ex-wife (my sister) in more than 25 years.
We have so many common friends and acquaintances that it's ridiculous. Like me, he played music professionally in addition to regular day-jobs, and between us we have contacts with almost every pro musician in central and coastal Maine. A few months ago, he met up with a common friend (who is co-owner of a very large chain of general/clothing stores) and mentioned me. The friend rolled his eyes and said "You don't want to even know about some of the stuff we did in college." I can think of one thing that he might have been referring to - we played a frat party during finals week, and went to be paid (as usual) at our 1/2 time break. The head of the entertainment committee said that they'd take up a collection for us. We didn't like the sound of that, so we packed up our gear and took a fresh keg of beer of their back porch. Our roadie (balls of brass!) stopped the van, wandered back downstairs and "borrowed" a tapper so we could have a party back at his place. We raided a couple of local bars on the way home and invited lots of cute girls to party with us. Free live music and beer... It worked.
We have so many common friends and acquaintances that it's ridiculous. Like me, he played music professionally in addition to regular day-jobs, and between us we have contacts with almost every pro musician in central and coastal Maine. A few months ago, he met up with a common friend (who is co-owner of a very large chain of general/clothing stores) and mentioned me. The friend rolled his eyes and said "You don't want to even know about some of the stuff we did in college." I can think of one thing that he might have been referring to - we played a frat party during finals week, and went to be paid (as usual) at our 1/2 time break. The head of the entertainment committee said that they'd take up a collection for us. We didn't like the sound of that, so we packed up our gear and took a fresh keg of beer of their back porch. Our roadie (balls of brass!) stopped the van, wandered back downstairs and "borrowed" a tapper so we could have a party back at his place. We raided a couple of local bars on the way home and invited lots of cute girls to party with us. Free live music and beer... It worked.
- #13
lisab
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Borek said:
Sure, but she'll need a flow chart and a time line.
- #14
turbo
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Glenn Beck might have a couple of free blackboards...lisab said:
- #15
BobG
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physics girl phd said:
Makes sense to me. When you're grandfather to the 'kids', it's hard to separate all of that into I'm their grandfather and not yours. When my daughter's stepson is in town, I usually take both him and my daughter's son out on hikes, etc.
My sister-in-law had 5 kids by 4 different fathers. The amount of attention each of the father's paid to their kids varied by a lot. It kind of sucked to be the kid whose father seemed to barely exist - especially if a couple of the kids would get attention, cool gifts, etc. from their father(s).
Granted, the daughter's son and the stepson do get treated differently, but at least partly because one's only 18 months old and the other is in grade school and because the stepson is only in town part time. But, if the daughter's stepson were always the red-headed stepchild whenever he visited his father and my daughter, then visiting just wouldn't be all that pleasant an experience.