Is It Overprotective to Limit a Partner's Friendships?

[TheStatutoryApe]

For me, it's because I wish to believe that men might find me interesting as a person

What better reason to be attracted to someone?

 

[Pattonias]

Evo it isn't that men would not be attracted to you because you are not an interesting person, it's that we are attracted to the women we find interesting.

 

[DanP]

One of the best type of man women friendship: The booty call. No unspent sexual tension on either side, no strings attached and a lot of enjoyable time spent together in many situations, in various social environments and it does work for both. No awkward moments. And many times the relation endures even after the "benefits" part ends. Now the awkwardness may transfer to your your actual SO if they ever learn the history, and they usually do, but that is another story.

 

[DanP]

Evo it isn't that men would not be attracted to you because you are not an interesting person, it's that we are attracted to the women we find interesting.

Yeah, would be really weird to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who you don't find interesting.

 

[Pattonias]

Yeah, would be really weird to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who you don't find interesting.

Wow, that suddenly reads differently than I had intended I must admit. I guess I meant to say that when men find women interesting and mentally stimulating they are generally attracted to them. Attraction is not just physical.

 

[DanP]

Attraction is not just physical.

Sure, but whiteout physical attraction you have nothing. O, wait, you have friendship.

So best man -women friendship works when sexual tension does not exist. Either because neither have it (like with the overwhelming majority of ppl who enter in your social group), either because is spent in a friends with benefits type relation.

And this is why IMO we are so blind to the intentions of ppl approaching us as "friends". If you feel no physical attraction, you simply stereotype and naturally assume the friend position. Since you don't care for more, you'll just use whatever schema is in your head for the archetype you *believe* that person is.

 

[Pattonias]

Sure, but whiteout physical attraction you have nothing. O, wait, you have friendship.

So best man -women friendship works when sexual tension does not exist. Either because neither have it, either because is spent in a friends with benefits type relation.

And this is why IMO we are so blind to the intentions of ppl approaching us as "friends". If you feel no physical attraction, you simply stereotype and naturally assume the friend position. Since you don't care for more, you'll just use whatever schema is in your head for the archetype you *believe* that person is.

I could actually go along with that as a source of so many one-sided friendships. It seems like a decent assumption of what a person is thinking in that situation.

 

[ViewsofMars]

Honestly, I have a lot of friends that are male and female. They are *my* friends and I am their friend. Over the years we consider each other to be like a sister or brother. It's nice to have a big family that sticks together when times are good or not so great. Plain and simple, love has no closed door for those whom you care for

Family is awesome, yes. Especially very close families. At the end of the day, no matter the disagreements you have with your family, your kin will always be there for you and support you.

DanP, I wasn’t talking about kin. Also, you might like to consider some people don’t have relatives that are alive or live close to each other. Foremost, above all else, I'm not going to let anyone dictate to me what he or she may think what friendship is about. I'm a woman over 50 years old that has friends that are men and women that I have known for over 30 years. We are all good looking, in peak physical health, intelligent, sensible, and sensitive folk. And they most definitely are part of my family and they consider me to be part of theirs. We respect and admire each other in a healthy way since we are grown-ups. We set an example for children and young adults.

 

[DanP]

I could actually go along with that as a source of so many one-sided friendships. It seems like a decent assumption of what a person is thinking in that situation.

So girls, don't be subtle with us :P Use a jackhammer if need be. Saves the awkward moment later.

 

[DanP]

DanP, I wasn’t talking about kin. Also, you might like to consider some people don’t have relatives that are alive or live close to each other. Foremost, above all else, I'm not going to let anyone dictate to me what he or she may think what friendship is about. I'm a woman over 50 years old that has friends that are men and women that I have known for over 30 years. We are all good looking, in peak physical health, intelligent, sensible, and sensitive folk. And they most definitely are part of my family and they consider me to be part of theirs. We respect and admire each in a healthy way since we are grown-ups

Ah, I misunderstood you. I've reread your original message and yes, you where clear in it. Sorry. I've read probably what I wanted to hear :P

 

[Pattonias]

So girls, don't be subtle with us :P Use a jackhammer if need be. Saves the awkward moment later.

Absolutely, I tell my girlfriend that all the time. Don't assume I understood anything that she may have hinted at. More likely than not, I did not understand. I can not be held accountable for something you did not flat out say to me. I'm not that intuitive into the girl psychi.

 

[DanP]

Absolutely, I tell my girlfriend that all the time. Don't assume I understood anything that she may have hinted at. More likely than not, I did not understand. I can not be held accountable for something you did not flat out say to me. I'm not that intuitive into the girl psychi.

Modern Women's vision on Prince Charming:

Rich, strong, sexy, educated and mind reader :P

 

[ViewsofMars]

DanP, I wasn’t talking about kin. Also, you might like to consider some people don’t have relatives that are alive or live close to each other. Foremost, above all else, I'm not going to let anyone dictate to me what he or she may think what friendship is about. I'm a woman over 50 years old that has friends that are men and women that I have known for over 30 years. We are all good looking, in peak physical health, intelligent, sensible, and sensitive folk. And they most definitely are part of my family and they consider me to be part of theirs. We respect and admire each other in a healthy way since we are grown-ups. We set an example for children and young adults.

Ah, I misunderstood you. I've reread your original message and yes, you where clear in it. Sorry. I've read probably what I wanted to hear :P

Apology accepted though I doubt you can hear me. I've also recopied my original remark since you left out from your previous message to me what I consider to be highly important information which I have now highlighed in red.

 

[DanP]

Apology accepted though I doubt you can hear me. I've also recopied my original remark since you left out from your previous message to me what I consider to be highly important information which I have now highlighed in red.

I hear you, only I can't relate, at least not totally . For me blood stands above everything else(save SO, which is not blood, but its up there with blood. I guess this is called conjugal family in English) . My closest friends (which are very few and as you said the bond was made during decades) are maybe part of an "extended family", In not sure I use the proper term in English her. In a word I have a internal hierarchy for all my close social relations. In the day to day life this hierarchy doesn't mean much, it's pretty much transparent. The consequence however is that my expectations from them are slightly lower, and if need to choose ever arise, Ill choose blood without as much as a blink.

We set an example for children and young adults.

Its very nice you guys do this. I guess it has its value.

 

[rewebster]

I think we need to hear from Mentallic-----

we need an update---

 

[Mentallic]

I think we need to hear from Mentallic-----

we need an update---

You're right. I couldn't check up for 2 days now and there's another 2 pages to read through. I'll get to it when I have the time.

Right now, there's another issue which she is burdened with. Her long time best friend which I mentioned a couple of times that said he liked her recently, well he's stopped talking to her now. He's shut himself out of her life completely and she is saddened by this.

I understand why he's doing it though. It can be too overbearing at times to like a girl that you can't have and so the easiest way is to not see her at all.
This is what I wanted that guy that tried to ask my girlfriend out to do, I wanted her to become detached from him so he can get over her. Except for her really good friend... I like the guy, and know him fairly well so I trust him with her much more than I trust the other.

 

[zoobyshoe]

For me, it's because I wish to believe that men might find me interesting as a person and seek out my friendship, but you're right, most of the time the man ended up making that final awkward move and tell me they wanted a romantic relationship, or they just disapeared.

"That Final Awkward Move". Should be a movie title.

I think in a lot of male/female "friendships", one of them feels an attraction and the other doesn't. So this brings up 2 possible scenarios. Either the one that doesn't feel an attraction assumes the other person doesn't either, or they assume the other party is attracted and (unfeeling party) enjoys it, knowing it will always be one sided.

male/female friendship: n 1.) either of two types of unilateral romance

 

[DanP]

"That Final Awkward Move".

With Amy Winehouse playing the awkward move :P

 

[rewebster]

You're right. I couldn't check up for 2 days now and there's another 2 pages to read through. I'll get to it when I have the time.

Right now, there's another issue which she is burdened with. Her long time best friend which I mentioned a couple of times that said he liked her recently, well he's stopped talking to her now. He's shut himself out of her life completely and she is saddened by this.

I understand why he's doing it though. It can be too overbearing at times to like a girl that you can't have and so the easiest way is to not see her at all.
This is what I wanted that guy that tried to ask my girlfriend out to do, I wanted her to become detached from him so he can get over her. Except for her really good friend... I like the guy, and know him fairly well so I trust him with her much more than I trust the other.

you're playing a dangerous game ----if she sees through what you're doing/thinking, how can she trust you?

 

[Pattonias]

you're playing a dangerous game ----if she sees through what you're doing/thinking, how can she trust you?

Wanting the other guy to back off doesn't seem unreasonable.

 

[Evo]

you're playing a dangerous game ----if she sees through what you're doing/thinking, how can she trust you?

What game? He said he wishes the creep that's been hitting on his girlfriend would back off.

 

[ViewsofMars]

I hear you, only I can't relate, at least not totally . For me blood stands above everything else(save SO, which is not blood, but its up there with blood. I guess this is called conjugal family in English) . My closest friends (which are very few and as you said the bond was made during decades) are maybe part of an "extended family", In not sure I use the proper term in English her. In a word I have a internal hierarchy for all my close social relations. In the day to day life this hierarchy doesn't mean much, it's pretty much transparent. The consequence however is that my expectations from them are slightly lower, and if need to choose ever arise, Ill choose blood without as much as a blink.

Its very nice you guys do this. I guess it has its value.

I wouldn't have mentioned it if I thought it didn't have value. You choose blood relatedness over non-blood relatedness. I prefer to choose both. Let's expand this topic of family a tiny inch more. Think about how many people have lost their entire blood related family as a result of a war.

 

[rewebster]

What game? He said he wishes the creep that's been hitting on his girlfriend would back off.

why is the creep hitting on his GF in the first place?

She must have given him some 'sign' that its ok to continue. She sounds like she maybe just be playing the field looking for someone maybe more interesting and less controlling.


To me, it sounds like neither one has trust in the other; and, at best, its about insecurity and manipulation on his part---as we're getting only his side of the story.

 

[ViewsofMars]

You're right. I couldn't check up for 2 days now and there's another 2 pages to read through. I'll get to it when I have the time.

Right now, there's another issue which she is burdened with. Her long time best friend which I mentioned a couple of times that said he liked her recently, well he's stopped talking to her now. He's shut himself out of her life completely and she is saddened by this.

I understand why he's doing it though. It can be too overbearing at times to like a girl that you can't have and so the easiest way is to not see her at all.
This is what I wanted that guy that tried to ask my girlfriend out to do, I wanted her to become detached from him so he can get over her. Except for her really good friend... I like the guy, and know him fairly well so I trust him with her much more than I trust the other.

My suggestion is get off of the *emotional* rollercoaster ride that other individuals are creating. Temporarily detach yourself from the situation. Relax and have some fun. Try not to worry. Sometimes time itself resolves the problem.

 

[rewebster]

My suggestion is get off of the *emotional* rollercoaster ride that other individuals are creating. Temporarily detach yourself from the situation. Relax and have some fun. Try not to worry. Sometimes time itself resolves the problem.

I agree---

she started seeing him (Mentallic) for some reason(s)-----'doubt' about things can be snowballing effect...

 

[DanP]

What game? He said he wishes the creep that's been hitting on his girlfriend would back off.

Men hit on women. Women hit on men. It makes no difference whatsoever the girl is in a relation or not. If she is willing to pursue a relation, who cares she already has a boyfriend ?
I think is unfair to expect man or women not to hit on ppl who are already involved in a relation.

 

[Char. Limit]

Men hit on women. Women hit on men. It makes no difference whatsoever the girl is in a relation or not. If she is willing to pursue a relation, who cares she already has a boyfriend ?
I think is unfair to expect man or women not to hit on ppl who are already involved in a relation.

Is it unfair to expect the boyfriend not to take action against this intruder?

Perhaps the ideal course of action is not to restrict the girlfriend in this situation. Perhaps the ideal course is to make this new guy wish he'd never seen her.

 

[rewebster]

Men hit on women. Women hit on men. It makes no difference whatsoever the girl is in a relation or not. If she is willing to pursue a relation, who cares she already has a boyfriend ?
I think is unfair to expect man or women not to hit on ppl who are already involved in a relation.

Evo, didn't even one man 'flirt'/'hit on you' when you were married?

 

[DanP]

Is it unfair to expect the boyfriend not to take action against this intruder?

He can take whatever course of action he wants. Up to and including - breaking the bones (or at least trying) of the one who is hitting on his girlfriend. Choose, act and live with the consequences.

 

[Char. Limit]

He cant take whatever course of action he wants. Up to and including - breaking the bones (or at least trying) of the one who is hitting on his girlfriend. Choose, act and live with the consequences.

Can't or can? Can agrees with the context, but can't looks more like the word in question.