Modernising Underpants - Sound Cancelling & Odour Retaining Tech

[wolram]

How can such a basic item of clothing be modernised you ask, well i have come up with an idea for sound cancelling underpants, the idea is to use upto date technology to capture sounds and produce an anti sound, and thus no one will have suffer embarrassment in meetings etc.
The only problem i have, is doing this in real time, this problem arises from the fact that the noise frequency can vary so much, so i will have to spend a lot of time making recordings . It may even be that each pair of underpants has to be tuned to the individual user, which will be a major disadvantage.
In the pipe line is odour retaining pants, but these are not looking promising, as so far they need to be at least 1/2 thick, and with people wanting to wear eye patches, i can not see how these could be packaged.

 

[mgb_phys]

Do it digitally?
Have a microphone, a DSP and play the opposite sound through your iPod headphones.

 

[turbo]

Complex problem! Some of the sound emanates from the underpants, themselves (think of a flag snapping in the wind), and that has to be dealt with. Instead of active sound-cancellation, perhaps you ought to start working along the lines of acoustic damping, with fabric that resists vibration at the relevant range of frequencies.

 

[wolram]

Do it digitally?
Have a microphone, a DSP and play the opposite sound through your iPod headphones.

The problem is more complex, a free standing (noise) from one is unmodified, but with people in a sitting position the sound could be modified, ie, the chair could produce harmonics.

 

[wolram]

Complex problem! Some of the sound emanates from the underpants, themselves (think of a flag snapping in the wind), and that has to be dealt with. Instead of active sound-cancellation, perhaps you ought to start working along the lines of acoustic damping, with fabric that resists vibration at the relevant range of frequencies.

Ah yes ,what frequency does a G string vibrate at?

 

[mgb_phys]

You just need sound cancelling headphones tuned to only cancel farts.

 

[turbo]

Ah yes ,what frequency does a G string vibrate at?

392 Hz for G above middle C. You'll need to deal with the sub-harmonics, as well. Here's a chart.

http://www.phy.mtu.edu/~suits/notefreqs.html

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Underwear with a cork would be a lot easier.

 

[wolram]

You just need sound cancelling headphones tuned to only cancel farts.

The point of the idea is that others do not perceive the sound, i do not have much of an idea about how much energy is emitted, i guess there could be an OFM difference, like some people just squeak and others blow a trumpet.

 

[Gokul43201]

Do it digitally?
Have a microphone, a DSP and play the opposite sound through your iPod headphones.

Probably wouldn't work too well if your fart is high pitched. Also, to effectively cancel at all locations, you'll need to attach the speaker to your butt.

 

[LowlyPion]

How can such a basic item of clothing be modernised you ask, well i have come up with an idea for sound cancelling underpants, the idea is to use upto date technology to capture sounds and produce an anti sound, and thus no one will have suffer embarrassment in meetings etc.
The only problem i have, is doing this in real time, this problem arises from the fact that the noise frequency can vary so much, so i will have to spend a lot of time making recordings . It may even be that each pair of underpants has to be tuned to the individual user, which will be a major disadvantage.
In the pipe line is odour retaining pants, but these are not looking promising, as so far they need to be at least 1/2 thick, and with people wanting to wear eye patches, i can not see how these could be packaged.

You might want to consider attacking the problem at the source.

For instance a butt-whistle could limit the frequency range that your noise cancellation apparatus would need to deal with.

 

[Gokul43201]

The point of the idea is that others do not perceive the sound, i do not have much of an idea about how much energy is emitted, i guess there could be an OFM difference, like some people just squeak and others blow a trumpet.

The speaker you use will produce a canceling signal that matches the amplitude of the received signal, so that shouldn't be the concern.

 

[Gokul43201]

For instance a butt-whistle could limit the frequency range that your noise cancellation apparatus would need to deal with.

Ah! A hybrid passive+active system - what fun!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I think conservation of energy prevents the noise from cancelling everywhere.

 

[mgb_phys]

The point of the idea is that others do not perceive the sound,

Whats the fun in that!
It's only fair to give any surrounding victims a warning before the smell hits them - in fact in version 2 of my system there would be an siren and a flashing light.

 

[wolram]

Okay, i think a reed like sensor would be the best, it would depend on accurate possitioning,
and real time electronics, butt i am sure it could be done.

 

[turbo]

Probably wouldn't work too well if your fart is high pitched. Also, to effectively cancel at all locations, you'll need to attach the speaker to your butt.

Pitch is probably proportional to how tightly the butt-cheeks are held together and inversely proportional to the mass of the cheeks. For shapely ladies that favor tight pants, a "soprano" version of the underpants might be necessary. Marketing 101 - know your target customers.

 

[wolram]

Pitch is probably proportional to how tightly the butt-cheeks are held together and inversely proportional to the mass of the cheeks. For shapely ladies that favor tight pants, a "soprano" version of the underpants might be necessary. Marketing 101 - know your target customers.

Doe's the mass of the surrounding medium make a difference? i guess it will but would have thought it would have a dampening effect.

 

[Gokul43201]

I think conservation of energy prevents the noise from cancelling everywhere.

By "everywhere", I meant most everywhere within earshot of the fart.

As for the odor, there's always activated charcoal inserts.

Here's a picture (just in case lisa's reading this thread - she loves pictures like this )

 

[Gokul43201]

Pitch is probably proportional to how tightly the butt-cheeks are held together and inversely proportional to the square root of the [/color] mass of the cheeks.

There. Fixed it for you!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

By "everywhere", I meant most everywhere within earshot of the fart.

Coming soon to S&D: The farting ghost phenomenon.

 

[turbo]

Doe's the mass of the surrounding medium make a difference? i guess it will but would have thought it would have a dampening effect.

Not just the mass, but other qualities, as well. There's a reason that organ-pipes aren't made out of lard.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I told my doctor I suffered from silent, but deadly gas, and he prescribed a hearing aid.

 

[LowlyPion]

There's a reason that organ-pipes aren't made out of lard.

I'd be keen to hear you elaborate on this.

Does it have anything to do with fundament frequencies?

 

[brewnog]

My suggestion would be velcro flies.

I'm fed up of standing at the urinal, fiddling around down there for minutes on end trying to undo tiny buttons just to fetch the wee lad out.

 

[LowlyPion]

My suggestion would be velcro flies.

I'm fed up of standing at the urinal, fiddling around down there for minutes on end trying to undo tiny buttons just to fetch the wee lad out.

You know there are herbal remedies that claim to alleviate this condition.

 

[Gokul43201]

My suggestion would be velcro flies.

I take it you don't work in the espionage business? Or you do, and you're a real quick draw...

VZ2OtD7Afmg[/youtube]

 

[wolram]

Thanks for the feed back guys i have a prototype on the drawing board, now all i have to do is miniaturise every thing, the bass speakers are going to be the biggest problem, so far i have managed to fit every thing into the size of a ghetto blaster.
I just need some volunteers to eat curried sprouts and drink beer to test it out.

 

[mgb_phys]

The solution to both problems (finding wolram's miniaturised thing and fitting his amplifier equipment) is obviously kilts!

 

[wolram]

The solution to both problems (finding wolram's miniaturised thing and fitting his amplifier equipment) is obviously kilts!

I thought it was Brewey having trouble the kilt idea has the advantage of hiding the electronics in the sporran.

 

[humanino]

I would appreciate if you guys could elaborate on the fact that pitch is inversly proportional to the square root of the mass of the butt cheeks. It seemed to me that another parameter is more relevant to the pitch actually, not even to mention the difference between chickpea and beer influence.

 

[LowlyPion]

the kilt idea has the advantage of hiding the electronics in the sporran.

Underpants and kilts ? But I thought ...

 

[wolram]

To bring this to the academic level i have found this paper,

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WJG-4H57JKV-2&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=f7b3f543db0ba8fe07d8828c69a5b13f

Obviously fitting baffles is out of the question.

 

[mgb_phys]

"Acoustic resonance in a staggered tube array: Tube response and the effect of baffles"
If you staggered my tube array - I'd be baffled as well

 

[Ivan Seeking]

You might want to consider attacking the problem at the source.

Here you go Wolram. Just insert and you're on your way.

http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/2164696/GunSilencer-main_Full.jpg

 

[wolram]

Thank you for the idea Ivan, i am not sure about this one though, i can see no dimensions,
any thing above 2inch dia? would be hard to sell.
I think i will stick with a flapper type sensor and electronic cancellation.

 

[turbo]

Thank you for the idea Ivan, i am not sure about this one though, i can see no dimensions,
any thing above 2inch dia? would be hard to sell.
I think i will stick with a flapper type sensor and electronic cancellation.

I am not so worried about the diameter (some people could accommodate that, apparently) but with the length of the silencer. Wimples are so "old school". Wow, have we reverse engineered some medieval social accessories? Maybe with some activated charcoal between the central tube and the shell... Darn! NASA's going to steal this one from us!

 

[LowlyPion]

Next thing you know we will be talking about gerbils.

 

[binzing]

The Mormons (LDS) wear long underwear that's been blessed at the Temple in Salt Lake so that they are "always carrying a piece of the Temple".

 

[Gokul43201]

I would appreciate if you guys could elaborate on the fact that pitch is inversly proportional to the square root of the mass of the butt cheeks. It seemed to me that another parameter is more relevant to the pitch actually, not even to mention the difference between chickpea and beer influence.

I was kidding about the mass of the cheeks! It's clearly not the vibrating cheeks that is the source of the sound but the escaping gas. So I would venture that the shape and size of the rectal opening is probably most relevant to pitch.

But I saw turbo's post and could pass up the opportunity to be a little ... anal.

 

[wolram]

NASA is way behind us, i mean where the heck would one fit a propeller

http://adsabs.harvard.edu/abs/1984nasa.reptY...K

 

[edward]

Hmm is there any way the sound could be be converted into a tune? How about tiny embedded microphones that send the sound to a digital device that transforms the sound into different melodies for different people . It would be kind of like picking out your favorite ring tone.

 

[turbo]

Hmm is there any way the sound could be be converted into a tune? How about tiny embedded microphones that send the sound to a digital device that transforms the sound into different melodies for different people . It would be kind of like picking out your favorite ring tone.

What an idea! If you could have the sound of your farts converted into your boss' "Wham" ring tone and have him reach for the phone reflexively several times during a meeting... priceless.

 

[turbo]

"... before you go-go..."

 

[wolram]

No fair, this thread is a serious discussion about bringing underpants into the 21st century,
not creating another wind instrument.

 

[turbo]

No fair, this thread is a serious discussion about bringing underpants into the 21st century,
not creating another wind instrument.

hey! kazoo-type instruments have a loyal following. (although perhaps among aficionados that have restricted olfactory capabilities).

 

[signerror]

Ah yes ,what frequency does a G string vibrate at?

On A=440 equal temperament,

• 195.998 Hz for the violin and viola,
• 97.999 Hz for cello and double bass

Where each semitone is a multiplicative factor of 2^(1/12) ~= 1.059. Of course there are many alternative approaches,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musical_tuning#Systems_for_the_twelve-note_chromatic_scale

which exist because the even chromatic tuning is imperfect (it does not preserve the classical, integral ratios of perfect intervals), and conversely any system based on perfect intervals is not invariant under transposition (almost the musical equivalent of Galilean invariance, it can be argued).

For example: if you try to map the frequency harmonics

1:2:3:4 (1=fundamental)

to the intervals 8ve, 5th, 4th respectively, you get ratios 2, 3/2, 4/3 for the respective intervals. Whereas, if you break the octave uniformly into twelve semitones, (logarithmic scale)

x^12 = 2 -> x = 2^(1/12)

So that the corresponding 5th is 2^(7/12) ~= 1.4983, and 4th is 2^(5/12) ~= 1.3348. Nothing works!

 

[turbo]

In fartology, the use of semiquavers in performance is frowned upon as "over the top" "common", and perhaps even "diva" behavior. Employing a farting pole to gain leverage in professional competitions is allowed, but is strictly regulated.

 

[wolram]

Well jest if you must, but i have all ready designed a reed valve type sensor, made from a flexible material that is washable, this sensor can even be retro fitted to ordinary underpants,
the only draw back is, it may make one walk a bit funny, so i am looking into some solid state device, may be optical, the only problem i have with that is if one sets off an anti noise while in normal motion.

 

[turbo]

So if you walk like a duck, and you talk like a duck...