My friends suck or I am too whiny?

[CaptainQuasar]

Um, no, that's not normal. This is why we're suggesting counseling. If it was normal, he wouldn't be feeling so crappy about it. It shouldn't be so hard to figure out how to make a friend or two by the time you're an adult, and a lot of what he's posted here suggests it's not just some simple explanation like moving around a lot and not having time to get to know people well enough to be friends yet, but more that he's struggling to figure out how interpersonal relationships work at all. It's really not doing him a favor to tell him this is perfectly normal when it isn't, because that won't make the problem go away. Accepting that this IS a problem of some sort is the first thing he needs to do to remedy it. Whether it's something that can be addressed through simple counseling, or whether this is an underlying disorder that is making it harder for him to develop normal social interactions (i.e., an anxiety disorder or clinical depression), is what a professional can assess in person and help him with.

I guess maybe our experiences have just been different. I've know lots of people who have been depressed and I knew lots of people in college who had only made the most superficial friends - like johndude's library friends - before they got to college. And it sounds like he got to college relatively recently - heck, half the reason that colleges even have counselors is because college freshmen and other college students get to feeling lonely and depressed away from home.

When I'm saying that his experiences are normal I'm not saying that he shouldn't go see a counselor or a therapist. Look back in the thread, I've been urging him to see a counselor too, unlike the “You're a sucker. Sorry.” type comments that the thread started off with.

What I'm saying is that johndude is not a “freak”, as he says, for being the type of person who gets picked on, for feeling depressed or going to see a counselor. Half the effing people in the country are either depressed or seeing a therapist or should be.

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[CaptainQuasar]

And by the way -

Accepting that this IS a problem of some sort is the first thing he needs to do to remedy it.

Weren't you the one saying earlier that people shouldn't try to diagnose him online? I don't think that you should be telling him that he definitely has some sort of mental problem.

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[Moonbear]

Weren't you the one saying earlier that people shouldn't try to diagnose him online? I don't think that you should be telling him that he definitely has some sort of mental problem.

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I'm not diagnosing him, I'm telling him something is wrong...I don't know what is wrong, and it may not be a mental disorder at all...read more carefully what I've written...I've just said that it's not normal. He needs to seek professional help to find out what's going on and how to fix it. I'm really not going to pry into more details about his personal life to find out if there's a non-medical explanation for his difficulties, and there very well may be. But regardless, he needs to talk to someone who knows how to deal with these sorts of problems and get him through it, not just get reassured by a bunch of strangers online that everything is honky dorey when he already knows it isn't.

And, no, "lots" of people aren't depressed constantly for long periods of time. People go through brief periods of disappointment or sadness over things like breakups, but when you don't bounce back, that's when it's a problem. The term "depressed" is seriously overused by kids today; they're always saying they're depressed over this that and the other thing, but no, they aren't, they're just a bit sad or disappointed or frustrated, and the normal reaction is to get over it and move on quickly. When it doesn't go away, it's NOT normal, regardless of whether it's the primary problem (i.e., clinical depression) or a symptom of some other problem (i.e., social awkwardness that interferes with developing meaningful interpersonal relationships...not necessarily even friendships). Also, keep in mind that the OP has shared his age and is NOT in high school anymore. This isn't a little peri-pubertal moodiness. If he was saying he was 15 and school sucks and life sucks and his parents are stupid and his friends are jerks, I'd be saying, yep, that's being 15 and you'll grow out of it.

We could just keep sitting here and saying, oh, yeah, it's fine and normal, and you just need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get over it, but I think if he was able to do that on his own, he'd have already done it, don't you? I think he's asking here because he isn't able to do this on his own.

 

[Cyrus]

Feeling distant from other people and a little depressed because of it and harried by the challenges of life is perfectly normal. Explain what's so abnormal about this situation.



I guess maybe you haven't run into it but there are bullies everywhere, not just school. People in all stages and walks of life love pushing others around to gratify their egos and feel powerful. Bosses or colleagues who aren't satisfied with you acting professionally and responsibly, they try to use their leverage to make you to kiss their feet and hang on their every word… girls or guys you're in a relationship with who like being able to push your buttons and manipulate you… you can run into a bully anywhere.

But anyways, it was moe who brought up being bullied in school. Tell your “get real” to him.

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I have not ran into any bullies, at school or not. This is the biggest crock, sorry.

People push around people that are pushovers.

 

[Cyrus]

Feeling distant from other people and a little depressed because of it and harried by the challenges of life is perfectly normal. Explain what's so abnormal about this situation.



I guess maybe you haven't run into it but there are bullies everywhere, not just school. People in all stages and walks of life love pushing others around to gratify their egos and feel powerful. Bosses or colleagues who aren't satisfied with you acting professionally and responsibly, they try to use their leverage to make you to kiss their feet and hang on their every word… girls or guys you're in a relationship with who like being able to push your buttons and manipulate you… you can run into a bully anywhere.

But anyways, it was moe who brought up being bullied in school. Tell your “get real” to him.

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You are way to apologetic to abnormal behavior. Hence, 'get real'. This is so far from normal that I find it disturbing that you would tell him its no big deal.

 

[cristo]

We could just keep sitting here and saying, oh, yeah, it's fine and normal, and you just need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get over it, but I think if he was able to do that on his own, he'd have already done it, don't you? I think he's asking here because he isn't able to do this on his own.

Hear, hear. This is about the wisest message I've seen in this thread!

 

[Cyrus]

I hope this is the last thread I have to see in GD about someone who does not know how to talk to other human beings. I really think these threads should just be locked. Were not here to teach you how to open your mouth and talk to people when your an adult, learn it on your own the hard way if you must. Or go google a self help forum, buy a self help book - do something. Just stop pestering us.

 

[moe darklight]

great, now you've gone and made Cyrus angry .

 

[Moonbear]

And, I think with that, we've picked this problem to death. He said he's going to see a counselor, so I expect will get more sound advice there than from the lot of us.